1 down, 32 more to go

As promised, here is a hot chick to celebrate the Sox win:

Emmanuelle Chriqui, AKA Sloan from Entourage

So the Sox finally ended their 6 game slide tonight by beating the Tigers in game 1 of a 4 game set at Fenway. This was a big win for us, not only because it stopped the losing streak, but because we did it against Edwin Jackson who was one of the hottest pitchers in the game. I'm going to celebrate by jacking off to the picture I just posted.

Good night!

I hate it when I'm right

So the Yankees completed a sweep of the Sox last night, just like I predicted. However, I didn't predict that we'd go a span of 31 innings (that's essentially 3.5 games) without scoring a run. I'd like to say that's a testament to Yankee pitching, but it really wasn't. Our offense was atrocious. We had plenty of opportunities to score but no one decided to do shit (3 for 38 with runners in scoring position). Yes there's cause for concern, but our offense will click eventually. We just need people to be healthy so we can have a consistent lineup where everyone knows their roles.

There's no need to worry about the Yankees anymore. The series is over and our chance at the division title is over. A-Rod continues to be "Mr. Regular Season" and I'm sure he'll revert back to "Miss October" when the time comes. Listen, getting swept wasn't a big surprise so if anyone is acting like it was, stop it. I already predicted it anyway. The Yankees were the hottest team in baseball coming in and we were in shambles. Or as the King of Horrible Quotes likes to put it:

“Listen, the Red Sox had our number,” Swisher said, “but we changed cell-phone providers.”

It's okay though. I mean, we can't get any worse, can we? Well, this home series vs. Detroit will tell a lot. If we can take 3 out of 4 then we'll be back on track. The way we've been playing lately makes it seem like 1 out of 4 will be an accomplishment, but whatever. I'm not backing down from my prediction. We're winning the wild card and heading back to the World Series. Stamped it.

Alright, so we have 52 games left and our current record is 62-48. As history has shown, 95 wins will get you into the playoffs, so we gotta go 33-19 the rest of the way. This means that we have to win 63% of our remaining games. Impossible? No. Hard to do? Yes.

Anything is possible.

We have 29 home games left (which means that we have 23 away games) and based on our current home winning percentage (67%), that means we should theoretically win roughly 20 games at home. That leaves us with 13 out of 23 road games that we'd have to win. Is it likely based on our current road winning percentage (46%)? Of course not. But is it feasible? Yes it is.

So in lieu of this challenge that the Red Sox have in front of them, I am bringing back the scene from the movie Major League with my own personal spin.


For every Red Sox win, I will post a picture of a hot chick. It's gonna start off with a hot chick who is fully clothed and the more wins we get, the more scandalous it will be. By the time we get to 33, it's gonna be completely ridiculous. I'm talking about hardcore porn with girls getting penetrated and things like that. Okay, I overexaggerated a little bit. I'm not trying to make this blog NSFW (not safe for work) so it will be kept as tasteful as possible.

I'm not posting nudity on the site itself (but keep in mind, there may be links to it if we get close to our goal). For the record, this isn't supposed to be degrading to women. It's a celebration of all future Red Sox victories and is aimed at the average reader of this site: horny, sports-loving males.


Let the party begin...

Can somebody please give John Smoltz some steroids?

This isn't even funny anymore. Either go on 'roids and resurrect your career like Roger Clemens or retire already. Your ERA is almost as ridiculous as Chien-Ming Wang's. C'mon dude, I could pitch better. Allowing Melky Cabrera to hit an upper decker off of you is like getting beat in miniature golf by a 5 year old girl. The funny thing is, that actually happened to one of my friends hahaha.

The ship is sinking!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're taking on water!!!!

Wow, the Rays are absolutely dominating us at this point. It's not even fair. Apparently, we are 2-14 in our last 16 games at the Trop. Horrible. For those of you who think that we're going to walk over the Yankees since we're 8-0 against them this season, please come back to reality. There's no way we're sweeping them. We'd be lucky to even split the series. Hell, I'm predicting that we get swept in the Bronx.

But with that said, the ship is not fucking sinking. We'll be fine. There's like 50+ games left and we're only back 2.5 games right now. Granted, it might be 6.5 games by Monday, but I'm okay with that. Maybe I'm spoiled, but I don't see how the Red Sox miss the playoffs this year. The Rays have been average at best (except against us) and the Yankees will falter in the first round of the playoffs as usual. I predict we win the wild card, beat the Angels in the ALDS (as usual) and then take down the Tigers on the way to the World Series.

On a side note: the over/under on number of homeruns over the next 4 days at Yankee Stadium is 150.

I know what game I'm watching tonight...

He was joking with Ryan Braun here. He won't be joking tonight.

Last night during the Dodgers/Brewers game, Manny Ramirez was hit by a pitch in the 7th inning of a 17-4 game (the Dodgers were leading 17-4). Naturally, the Dodgers decided to retaliate by hitting Prince Fielder with 2 outs in the 9th inning. Typically, that's par for the course. You hit my guy, I hit your guy, cooler heads prevail. Well apparently, that didn't happen last night as Prince Fielder essentially charged the Dodgers clubhouse after the game, but was restrained before actually getting in there to pound on Guillermo Mota (the pitcher who hit him).

From MSN.com: When the game ended, Fielder charged through the underground tunnels at Dodger Stadium to the door of the home clubhouse, shouting obscenities with many fellow Brewers trailing behind. Several security guards and teammates Bill Hall and Casey McGehee prevented Fielder from entering the locker room in search of Mota. "He ran over there, and they weren't going to let him in, and everybody came back," Milwaukee manager Ken Macha said. "I don't know if you can restrain Prince. I don't think I can. I don't think there's anybody else out there who can."

Fortunately, I have the MLB Extra Innings package so I will be watching this game tonight to see if someone gets decapitated.

2 U.S. journalists released from North Korea

From MSN. com - North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has pardoned two jailed American journalists and ordered their release following an unannounced meeting with former President Bill Clinton, media reports said Tuesday.

It looks like the meeting of the "sex addicts" was productive today, as Bill "I did not have sexual relations" Clinton was able to convince Kim "Long Dong" Jong Il to release the 2 U.S. journalists that were being held captive by the North. The reason why I referred to them as sex addicts was because Bill Clinton had the Monica Lewinsky scandal and Kim Jong Il apparently loves porn. What a match made in heaven...

Update: We are now changing his nickname to Bill "I did not have sexual relations, but I did have foreign relations" Clinton. Thanks.

So far, so good

I was pumped about this trade when it happened Friday but I was in Baltimore so I couldn't really blog about it. My recap of the trip to Baltimore will be posted later this week, so stay tuned for that. Anyway...

After acquiring Victor Martinez from the Indians on Friday before the trade deadline, he has only gone 6 for 11 with 2 runs and 5 RBIs in 2 games. I'm okay with that. A lot of people were hoping to get Roy Halladay or Adrian Gonzalez more than V-Mart and pretty much considered him an afterthought or a fall back trade option. I was in the "Victor Martinez is just as important, if not more important, than the other two guys" camp. So far, so good. Then again, it has only been two games.

But let's take a look at this from a more realistic perspective. Not only does V-Mart provide us with a huge offensive upgrade, but he provides it to us at a position that hasn't really produced shit for us for the past few years (read: V-Tek). Also, I love the fact that he can play both catcher and 1B so that just gives us that much more lineup flexibility. Based on his 162 game averages, V-Mart should be a 20 homer, 100 RBI guy for us. That is solid, especially if that production is coming from behind the plate.

On the defensive side, while it's true that Varitek is one of the best (if not THE best) signal callers in the game, it is clear that his time is coming to an end. I can't really speak to how well Victor Martinez's signal calling/game management skills are at this point, but he does boast a career .994 fielding percentage. Both V-Mart and V-Tek have thrown out a career 24% of would be base stealers, which I'm not sure is a very good percentage, but that stat is misleading anyway since it depends on your pitchers as well.

One other thing I'm really pumped about is the fact that V-Mart is from Venezuela and not the Dominican Republic (DR) because this means he only "possibly" has taken performance enhancing drugs (PEDs) versus being from the DR where it is almost guaranteed at this point.

In conclusion, I loved the trade when it happened, and I still love it now. However, it remains to be seen how this pans out. As far as V-Tek is concerned, he will always be the man and Red Sox Nation will forever be in debt for his service, but the clock is ticking and his time is almost up. I'm pretty sure he's aware of that. Victor Martinez, provided that we sign him to an extension, can provide us with 5 more years of solid production while Theo and his crew spends some time restocking the farm with catching prospects since that is clearly our biggest weakness. Solid trade.