Sometimes I crack myself up

Snippet of a chat I had with a friend a few minutes ago:

2:53 PM Friend: i just found out (college name redacted) owes me $350

me: for what

Friend: the (state name redacted) treasury collected it

i have no idea why

2:54 PM some kinda refund

back in 2004

don't even know whether it had to do with grad school or something

it would've been awesome if they said that i had $100k waiting for me

7 minutes

3:02 PM me: yeah ok

3:03 PM it was probably the "guaranteed to get laid in college" $350 down payment that u submitted prior to freshman year

Friend: hahahaha

me: typically they don't have to refund people, but your's was a special case

7 minutes

3:10 PM Friend: yea... FML

haha

3:11 PM what i should do is

take that $350

and buy myself a lay

haha

3:12 PM me: lol

This is my life...

I'm in the mood for an espresso...

 

Source: Foxnews.com

Five bikini-clad baristas in Everett, Wash., face prostitution charges after police said that they served up more than just hot coffee at an espresso stand, Q13FOX.com reported.

Later in the article...

"For extra money these women would expose their entire body. If they were wearing a bikini they would either take it off or at least lower it. There were some allegations... Complaints from our citizens that they were performing whip cream shows between two women," Everett Police Sergeant Robert Goetz told Q13 FOX News.

But Bill Wheeler, the owner of the Grab-N-Go, is defending his business — explaining that the women who work at the espresso stand each sign agreements guaranteeing that they will not behave inappropriately.

Last time I checked, showing your tits and pussy, while also doing whip cream shows, was not considered "prostitution". What kind of laws do they have in Everett, Washington? I was expecting to read an article about these baristas giving road head and shit. Boy was I disappointed...

But at the same time, this is one of the best business ideas I've ever heard of. You have hot chicks in bikinis serving you espresso. I don't even drink espresso, but let me tell you something. If I lived in Everett, Washington I would be drinking espresso 5 fuckin times a day, MINIMUM.

Now the real question is, when they fuck are they gonna expand this business to the East Coast? I mean, if Sonic was able to move to Massachusetts, I'm pretty sure "Grab-N-Go" can do the same. Hey Bill Wheeler, hurry the fuck up!

Everybody get ready to fuck!!!!

Source: CNN.com

In what is being called the world's largest HIV vaccine trial ever, researchers found that people who received a series of inoculations of a prime vaccine and booster vaccine were 31 percent less likely to get HIV, compared with those on a placebo.

Later in the article...

The new study was conducted in Thailand, with more than 16,000 people between ages 18 and 30 participating. They were all HIV negative at the beginning of the trial.

Apparently, researchers are getting closer to developing a vaccine to prevent HIV. Now this is what science is supposed to be used for! Now I hope they hurry the F up because I don't want to bang some gross chick, get infected with HIV, then find out the next day that they just developed a vaccine that would've prevented me from pulling a Magic Johnson. Speaking of which, does anyone find it funny that his name was "Magic Johnson"? No wonder why he scored so many chicks. They probably wanted to find out how magical his Johnson really was. Anyway, I'll keep ya'll posted on how this vaccine development progresses.

By the way, I love how they tested this in Thailand for two reasons:

• It's the STD capital of the world
• Why infect Americans when we can infect non-Americans?

Last note: I've been slacking on blogging lately because I'm starting to get burnt out trying to post every single day. My material was starting to get watered down and pretty weak, so I'm just going to blog whenever I see fit from now on, but I'm gonna bring that FIYAH for you. I'll be blogging at least once a week though, so check back regularly.

25 down, 8 more to go...

Take off the gloves! Take off the gloves!

The Sox beat the Orioles last night by a score of 3-1. Buchholz started for the Sox, and even though he wasn't as dominant as his previous few starts, he still held the lowly Orioles to 1 run over 6 innings. The bullpen took over from there. Coming into the night, the magic number was 11 to clinch a playoff berth. With the Sox win and the Texas loss, the magic number is down to 9. So for any of you who don't know what the magic number means, it means that any combination of Red Sox wins and Texas losses (totaling 9) will get the Red Sox in the playoffs. Giddy up.

By the way, tonight is the Mayweather-Marquez fight. I am a huge Mayweather fan and he looked ridiculous in yesterday's weigh-in. Marquez better be ready because Money May looks sharp!

More bulletin board material for the Patriots...

I don't get it. Every team is afraid of the Patriots, they try to model their franchises after us, and then their players continually provide us with bulletin board material as if we weren't motivated enough to begin with. Here's Kerry Rhodes today:

"You go out from the first quarter on, from the first play on, and try to embarrass them. Not just go out there and try to win, try to embarrass them. Try to make them feel bad when they leave here. We don't want to just beat them. We want to send a message to them, 'We're not backing down from you and we expect to win this game, and it's not going to be luck, it's not going to be a mistake.' "

It's not even that bad of a quote, but why even say it? That's the problem with teams that are coached poorly. They are allowed to shoot their mouths off and then have to stick their foots in there once they get humiliated.

Patriots by 2 touchdowns this Sunday...

24 down, 9 more to go...

Kourtney Kardashian is the hottest in her family... by far

Somehow the Red Sox pulled it out last night. I don't even know what to say about the game. We had Paul Byrd pitching, his first 5 outs were loud outs (deep fly balls and hard line drives), we were down 3-0 in the 6th again Joe Saunders who had won 4 in a row, the Angels needed this win badly, yet somehow we pulled this one out of our asses. After exploding for 5 runs in the 6th to take a 5-3 lead, we promptly gave it right back (and then some) by allowing the Angels to score 4 unearned runs in the 7th due to a horrible Varitek passed ball on strike 3 of what would've been the 3rd out. We then managed to tie the game with 2 clutch runs in the bottom of the 8th, only to give the lead right back when the Angels connected for three consecutive 2-out hits in the 9th to go back up 8-7.

In the bottom of the 9th, with 2 outs and nobody on base, the rally began. Ortiz walked, JD Drew somehow got jammed on a 3-1 pitch that he KNEW was going to be a fastball but still managed to squeeze out an infield hit, Jed Lowrie pinch hit and ripped one down the third base line that Chone Figgins miraculously blocked by couldn't do anything with (bases now loaded), and then Nick Green had an epic at bat where he took a pitch RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE on a full count and somehow it was called a ball (TIE GAME!). Up next was Alex Gonzalez who then blooped a ball to left field that Juan Rivera possibly could've caught, but he pulled up on. GAME OVER. I'm not gonna lie. It looked like Juan Rivera just wanted to go home (or go to Centerfold's or something) because he really made no effort to catch that ball.

Angels closer Brian Fuentes claimed that the umpires were too "timid" or "scared" to make any tough calls at Fenway against the Red Sox (read: Nick Green at-bat) and I think he's right. But let me tell you something Brian Fuentes. That's why they call it Home Field Advantage. This type of biased umpiring has been happening for years in every sport. It's because of the human element of officiating. Deal with it.

Side note: I want to do bad things to Kourtney Kardashian. I'm talking about a situation with whipped cream, handcuffs, jello, midgets, baby gorillas, etc.

Kanye West quote has gone viral!

If you haven't noticed, there has been a huge stink about Kanye West interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the MTV VMA awards on Sunday night. Here is the clip:


What an asshole. I mean, I gotta admit that it was funny, but it might be the biggest A-Hole move I've ever seen. Even worse than Person A selling his friend Sox tix for 4 times face value...

Well anyway, there is a new website dedicated to using his quote to adapt it to tons of different things. The picture I used is just one of many hilarious adaptations of Kanye's infamous quote.

Enjoy the site here: I'mma Let You Finish