Steve-O's Bday Weekend Recap and Random Goodies

Alright, well I'm back. Here are some quick hitters:

• It is FUCKIN COLD outside!
• Congratulations Dustin Pedroia on winning the AL MVP award. This goes to show that the Napoleon Complex is beneficial to society.
• Sorry Coco Crisp, thanks for your service. I hope you do well in Kansas City.
• New Jumbo seafood restaurant in Chinatown has the best lunch special I've seen in awhile. You get your entree with a choice of soup (hot & sour or corn), choice of an appetizer (roast pork, egg roll, or chicken wing), and a choice of rice (white rice or pork fried rice) all for $4.75. Amazing.

Here's a recap of Steve-O's bday weekend:

Thursday night - I was pretty tired when I got out of work. I think it was because I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Oh yeah, I stayed up until 2am looking at boobs, duh. So I decided not to go to dinner at Shabu in Brighton and just meet up with everyone at the Kells later on that night. But before I could go to the Kells, I stayed in and watched the Patriots/Jets game with my roommate. What a shitty first half that was. I almost left halfway through because I was so disgusted, kinda like if you're really drunk, take a fat chick home, then suddenly become sober and realize what you're doing halfway through banging her. Yes, I was THAT disgusted. So anyway, the game ended up being really interesting and intense in the second half. Too bad we lost to those fudgepackers, but then I realized that this isn't the normal Patriots. This is the Patriots MINUS the immortal Tom Brady, Rodney Harrison, Adalius Thomas, Ty Warren (he was out that game), and I guess we could consider Lawrence Maroney as someone we should mention as well. So long story short, Jets fans shouldn't be celebrating. They almost lost to a team that's more banged up than a Chinatown hooker.

I ended up getting to the Kells around midnight and this is what I immediately see:




Dude was already fuckin trashed. Apparently he had taken tons of shots within a 20 minute period or something like that. This led me to think two things:

1. This is fuckin hilarious.
2. Shit, I wish I caused this.

I guess I was feeling kind of bad because I didn't really get to drink with him, so I immediately went to the bar and ordered myself 2 beers to make myself feel better. And a shot. After I pay for my drinks, I start walking back to Steve-O's table and BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE. Dude was puking all over the floor. Now you gotta ask yourself one question. Look at the picture above. Does that look like someone who was about to puke all over the place???

YUP.

Friday - Friday wasn't all that interesting so I'm gonna sum it up with words and phrases:

work, quesadillas and margaritas for lunch, left work early, 3 hour nap, dinner at Blue Ribbon BBQ, pregame at Steve-O's, sanctuary, gypsy bar, archstone drinking, sleep

Saturday - Woke up early Saturday and decided to go to the gym with my roommate Jon. I realized that my body was starting to look as nasty as my face so I knew I needed a workout. We both have memberships at Boston Sports Club (BSC), which is cool because there are a bunch of them near where we live. So we ended up going to the BSC in the South End, which I am completely regretting at this point. Why you might ask? Well, number one, the gym facilities weren't that great (everything was packed in close). And number two, there were guys staring at me. Just for clarification, they weren't staring at me because my body is a work of art. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, let's put it this way. There's a lot of people living in the South End whose favorite color is the rainbow. Listen, I'm not homophobic, but I get uncomfortable when people are looking at me with those "I wanna fuck you in the ass" type eyes. I will say it once and for all. MY ASS IS AN EXIT ONLY. Thank you. Again, I have no problem with gay people. I work with gay people, I'm not against civil unions (I'm not for it either, I just don't care either way), and I have friends who are gay. The only thing I have a problem with is a dick in my ass. Again, thank you. Moving on.

So we went to Foxwoods later on that evening, which clearly is an indication that I lost money that day. We get there, and I immediately start ordering tons and tons of drinks. I mean, hey, they're free! Plus, I knew I'd lose at least 100 bucks so I figured I'd counter that by drinking at least 100 dollars worth of booze. Yeah, that's good logic until you get drunk and lose 300 dollars over the course of the night. Everyone lost money that night except mister birthday boy. Yeah, Steve-O somehow won a bunch of money on Sic Bo, which is kinda like a Chinese version of roulette. I ended up falling asleep watching Jon's cousin Amy play video poker, ended up meeting up with big Frank Cho and crew, then went home at 3ish.

Sunday - Sunday, by tradition, is designated as a recovery day. The idea is to lay around and do nothing all day. And by nothing, I mean watch football and eat. So that's basically what we did until dinner time, which consisted of us going to KFC in Dorchester and debating back and forth on whether we should get a bucket of chicken and large sides or if we all should each get the Guitar Hero Fully Loaded Box Meal. For the record, I voted for the Guitar Hero option. I lost. But in the end, everyone lost because we all had diarrhea after eating. And that was the last thing I remember from this past weekend: diarrhea.

Before we move to the topic of the day/week/month/year/decade/century, I'd like to let everyone know that they need to be careful in this cold, virus-infested weather. You don't want to get a stuffy nose because if you do, you may need to use this gadget:



This video is just way too funny.

Okay, topic time:

Going to the Casino vs. Going to the Strip Club

I'd like to make some arguments about the positives and negatives of each and then come to a decision as to which is the most bang for the buck. Since I just used the word "bang" in the previous sentence, I'm sure most of you are assuming I'm going to pick the strip club as a better choice for entertainment. You may be right, you may be wrong. Read on to find out.

I know it's tough to make every weekend an interesting weekend. As many of you have experienced, going to bars/clubs just isn't cutting it anymore. I mean, it's cool when it's someone's birthday or if there is some type of special event going on, but for the most part, going to bars/clubs is getting old. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need something different to do to spice up our lives a little bit. I'm not telling you to go to a museum or read a book or do anything crazy like that. I'm also not telling you to specifically go to the casino or to a strip club, although I am providing it as an option in case you have nothing better to do. These two options should be a last resort when deciding what to do on any given night. If you are bored and your first instinct is either of these two places, you have a problem.

What this piece is about is the pros and cons of each, and my recommendation as to which is better. And if this leads to your Friday/Saturday night plans, then don't blame me if you wake up next week broke and with various STDs. Here we go.

Going to the casino is a fun time. Not only can you make tons of money, but you also get free drinks, you accrue points on your card that can be used at various restaurants/shops, and there's always hot chicks there trying to pick up a sugar daddy. Getting really drunk and winning tons and tons of chips is something that should be everyone's God given right. If you are the recipient of everything I just listed, then you are bound to have a good night.

On the flip side, going to the casino may cause you to lose a shitload of money. This is the only direct negative of going to the casino. Now, let's say you go home to your wife or significant other and tell her/him that you just lost a shitload of money. Well, the indirect result of losing money could cause an argument, followed by a hissyfit, followed by a break up, followed by getting drunk and hooking up with a blow-up doll. Now this isn't a likely scenario, but IT COULD HAPPEN. Think about it. Now that would be a bad night.

Like going to the casino, going to the strip club is also a fun time. There are so many more PROs and so many more CONs, so I will do this analysis in list form.

The PROs of going to a strip club include:

• boobs in your face
• vagina in your face
• ass in your face
• ass in your lap
• good fake conversation
• sexual favors (you can pay for this at some strip clubs)
• good music
• 2 for 1 lap dances (sometimes with a free t-shirt!!!!)

Here are some CONs:

• lap dances are expensive
• drinks are expensive
• the guy who DJs and announces the next girl on stage is always annoying
• the bathrooms are disgusting
• you don't want to shake anyone's hand because it may have been in their pants doing the tug-o-war
• lap dances are a tease
• sometimes the girls get in the way of ESPN Sportscenter highlights (this really isn't a CON)

Conclusion & Recommendation

It appears that going to the strip club is indeed the better choice. For these reasons:

• While making money at the casino is fantastic, you're probably gonna spend the money on a hooker or trying to impress a chick at a bar/club anyway, so why not just spend it at the strip club to begin with and not risk losing that money at the casino?
• Isn't money the dirtiest thing in the world anyway? You know how many peoples' body parts have touched that shit? You should want to give it away. And there's no better way to give money away than by making it rain or getting a lap dance.
• Why even take a chance of being rejected by a girl at a casino (or a bar/club) when you can go to a strip club and have the girls automatically flock to you? Granted, they are only making fake conversation with you to steal your money, but hey, isn't every chick? I am sorta kidding on this one. Any ladies who are reading this, I'm sorry, but it's not like you were gonna hook up with me anyway so I guess I'm not sorry hahaha.
• Every guy's favorite TV show is probably Sportscenter on ESPN. Now we guys don't like being interrupted while watching Sportscenter, but if that "interruption" happens to be a naked chick walking by the TV next to the stage, I can't really complain. And yes, this opinion is from a direct, personal experience.

I have rambled on way too long and I don't even know if anything I typed made any sense. Long story short, if you are bored and need to decide whether to go to a casino vs. a strip club, my recommendation is the strip club. But again, I stress that these two places should be your last resort. Please make every attempt to exhaust all other options before succumbing to the infamous stripper perfume (all strippers smell the same).

I'm posting a new poll by the end of the week. It may or may not have anything to do with what I just posted. Remember, I can do whatever I want because as the URL says "andrewchanrules"...