I'm sure all of us are feeling the effects from the economy right now and could use some extra cash. Lucky for us though, Vegas decided to give us an absolute lay-up to kick off one of the greatest sporting events. Wazzou is only laying 6.5 to Mississippi State. Apparently gamblers are impressed by MSU's run through the weakest college hoops conference or they because Obama said the PAC-10 is in a down year. Who knows. But just know free money when you see it. I'm even coming out of retirement for this play.
The tournament is here folks and I am ready to win this year's pick'em pool. For those of you who want to join, we have a free pick'em league on Yahoo! Sports:
Group ID: 187332
Password: password
So join if you feel like you have a chance, but be prepared to get dominated. Let me give you all a hint on who's going to win the national championship. This is the team with the best name, the best jerseys, and the biggest male fan base in the country. They started off the season 0-6, lost to Louisville by 38 points, and pretty much lost to everyone else in the Ohio Valley Conference, but somehow managed to win their conference tournament (which gave them an auto bid), and ended the season with a 20-15 overall record. They've been through adversity and are about to prove everyone wrong, by not only beating Louisville, but by winning the entire thing. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about the one, the only: MOREHEAD STATE EAGLES!
These are the jerseys they'll be wearing to face Louisville
I will reveal my picks after the tournament begins (when everything is locked in) so you bitch asses don't steal my shit. I plan on getting EVERY SINGLE PICK correct this year. At last glance, we only had 6 people in the pick'em pool. Granted, we just created it last night at midnight, but whatever. Let's at least get 10 people and make it respectable. Holla.
Oh, in case you were wondering if Big Q is coming back today, I'm not even sure he's still alive so I guess we'll see what happens. He stuck to his guns and hasn't gambled since he indicated that he would stop. Impressive. I have a feeling he's going to come back with a bang today, making 10 mortal locks, losing all 10, and mushing the tournament hopes of fans all across the country.
Hey Big Q, where you at???
With the amount of college basketball on TV the next 4 days, don't expect to see me outside of my place in any social setting. I'm locking myself into the bunker and I ain't coming out until the Madness has ended! Well, unless some chick says "come over, I want to have sex with you". That seems to be the only plausible scenario that includes me leaving this place.
I will be back this afternoon to post all of my ridiculously amazing picks and laugh at all of you peons who will bow to me when all is said and done. Till then, happy hunting.
7:30PM - Celtics Game in luxury suite 634 (more beer)
10:00PM - Party Bus (even more beer and funny printout of AIM conversation)
11:00PM - Foxy Lady (more beer, plus tits and ass)
This looks exactly like the chick I got a lap dance from
Total damage: around $300.00, 30+ beers, and I smelled like strippers
Saturday - FBI stuff and Danny's bday
9:00AM - FBI Citizen Response Team seminar (still drunk from the night before)
12:00PM - grabbed food at Royal Palace (formerly Cindy's Planet)
1:00PM - afternoon siesta (aka passed the fuck out)
4:00PM - woke up, watched basketball, and ate dinner
8:00PM - started drinking again and watched World Baseball Classic
10:15PM - headed to Wonderbar for my cousin Danny's birthday celebration
2:00AM - New Golden Gate restaurant for late night eating
3:00AM - started tossing beers off of street signs in Chinatown due to drunkenness
3:15AM - had to drop a massive deuce, ran into the bathroom without closing the door, then this happened
When you gotta go, you gotta go...
Total damage: around $100.00, 10-15 drinks, and I smelled like Chinese food and ass
Sunday - St. Patty's Day Parade
9:00AM - got rudely awakened by my roommate and Big Wil/Anne to start drinking (almost punched Jon in the face)
10:00AM - finally rolled out of bed and cracked first beer
11:30AM - headed to Southie for drinkfest #1
1:00PM - headed to another place in Southie for drinkfest #2
4:00PM - ordered pizzas, ate my face off, then started to doze off on a couch
6:00PM - walked around for half an hour trying to find a cab back home
7:00PM - arrived, not at home, but at the Glass Slipper (gentlemen's club, WHAT A SURPRISE)
11:00PM - left the Glass Slipper, went to 7-11 and bought a gigantic vitamin water
11:30PM - got home and for some reason I watched the movie "Hitch" until 1AM and then passed out
read this article. hilarious!
Total damage: around $200.00, 20-25 drinks, and I smelled like shit (after someone farted on it)
Monday - work!
8:30AM - stumbled into work
5:00PM - stumbled out of work, went to the gym
6:30PM - met my roommate Jon at Penang for a "we're fuckin dehydrated, so we need something soupy" dinner.
7:30PM - got home, formulated snowboard plans for Tuesday with Scuba man
9-10PM - 24
I can't wait to kill Jon Voight in the season finale.
Total damage: around $10.00, 10-15 drinks (of water or tea), and I smelled half decent for once
Tuesday - Waterville Valley
6:00AM - woke up and called Steve-O to find out when we were leaving, went back to sleep
7:00AM - woke up again, made breakfast, got my gear in order
8:00AM - got picked up, headed to the mountain while drinking Monster energy drink
10:00AM - arrived at Waterville Valley, got suited up, picked up lift tickets, and hit up the ski lift
10:30AM - got on a snowboard for the second time ever (first time was a brief 1 hour trial where I got pissed off and went back to skis. this happened at a place called "Crotched" Mountain. no joke). went down a green trail, fell a bunch of times, but worked on some technique that Steve-O was teaching me
12:00PM - started to get the hang of it, minimized the amount of major face plants, even tried (unsuccessfully) going off a couple of jumps
1:30PM - broke for lunch
2:00PM - hit up the slopes again, made it 3/4 of the way down without falling, then took a huge spill and would've had a concussion if I didn't have a helmet on. This was one of those "face plant to 3 full body rotations to sliding 100 yards down the mountain" type falls
3:30PM - after a few more runs, was feeling relatively comfortable "carving" so I decided to hit a jump AND LANDED IT. I don't think you all know this, but I am fucking awesome. It took me basically 3-4 hours to learn how to carve and land jumps, whereas most of you pussies go months before you have enough balls enough to go off a jump.
4:30PM - left the mountain
6:30PM - arrived back in Boston, went to eat at Pho Hua
7:30PM - invaded the Cho Family Dinner at Penang (since I saw them eating there as I was walking home)
8:00PM - came home, washed up, watched a little tv and went to bed
I'm doing this next time.
Total damage: around $60.00, 5-10 mouthfuls of snow/ice, and roses really smell like poo poo
Didn't we just do this last month? Frankly, I'm getting pretty sick of Friday the 13th. Whoever came up with the "it's bad luck" theory is bullshitting everyone. Some guy obviously came home and his wife was banging the milk man and decided to declare Friday the 13th as a day of terror. See, this is dumb. He should've put a spin on it and turned it into a good luck day. It all has to do with how you look at it. I say look at it with a "glass is half full" mentality. It's similar to the person who said that if a bird poops on you it's good luck. The guy just got shit on, but decided to declare it good luck. GENIUS.
So with my theory of how Friday the 13th was originally established (wife banging the milk man = bad), I'd like to put a positive spin on it (wife banging the milk man = good) and declare Friday the 13th as:
Bang Someone Other Than Your Significant Other Day!
This is the message that the court essentially relayed after Madoff pleaded guilty to all 11 charges today:
All signs indicate that he will be spending the rest of his life in jail. On the bright side, he's already 70 years old so he'll probably be dead in less than 10 years anyway. I would imagine that tons of the clients that he stole millions from are already in contact with hundreds of inmates, offering to pay them large sums of money to fuck this guy's ass back into the Stone Age. If I was one of the guys Madoff screwed over, I'd pay an inmate to fuck him in the ass, then make him toss the inmate's salad, the have him suck the inmate's dick, and finish him off with a tea bag, a dirty sanchez, then a donkey punch. Just for shits and giggles, maybe make him give the inmate a blumpkin as well.
Please no. Anything but the blumpkin!!!
If you aren't familiar with the terms I just referenced, then Google 'em. You will be pleasantly amused.
Also, if any of you are trying to figure out how to be more productive at work, why don't you take a look at this "work pyramid" and try to mimic it for your own good (courtesy of holytaco.com):
Click on the picture if the font is too small to read.
You know, when I'm not working on a major project, this essentially is an exact capture of my work schedule. Wait, was I supposed to say that? Oops...
I've started to get over the jet lag from my trip to San Fran so I figured it's time to blog again. Looks like I haven't checked in for over 10 days. Oops. I don't think anyone is reading this anyway. Well, for the 2 people who actually are reading this blog, I'm sure you are interested in hearing about my little vacation.
Here's a little background information:
I went to SF from Wednesday March 4th and returned Monday morning (March 9th).
I traveled with my cousin Justin (aka J-Dogg, aka Mr. Rogers) and our friend Alfredo (aka Hitch, aka fettuccine Alfredo).
The total number of gay jokes and/or sexual related comments exceeded 1000.
We stayed with our buddies Ed (aka Edi), Eric (aka DJ Kest, aka Mr. Physical), Steve (aka Big Dil) and Krissi (no alias) who were all Boston transplants
Dave and Liz Wong (Ed's siblings who now live in San Diego and SF, respectively) joined in on some festivities, as well as Bernie "pants party" Tong who now lives in SF as well. All 3 were also Boston transplants.
Here goes...
Wednesday (March 4th) - I went to work from 8am-2pm and didn't really accomplish shit since I was too excited about my 6pm flight to the west coast. Naturally, this left me way behind on work when I came back home, but that's another story.
One quick note: as per my previous post, I actually registered two new domain names that redirect to this blog: www.andrewchanrules.com and www.lahpcheurng.com. We did this on Tuesday night (March 3rd) since Justin and I were bored and thought it'd be funny. That's the entire story. Contrary to popular belief, I am not gay. However, I do suck cock. Thank you.
Okay, so fast forwarding to the real story. We got to the airport around 4pm for our 6pm flight with the new Virgin America airlines. We chilled there, listened to music, grabbed some food and waited to board the flight. Naturally, the guy working the desk for the Boston to San Fran flight was more flaming than a Burger King broiled burger. But I guess I wasn't surprised. This seems like par for the course anyway. So we hopped on the plane at around 5:30 and expected to take off on time. This did not happen due to the weather. I'm not even talking about the weather in Boston because it was clear as hell. Apparently, it was raining in San Fran (6 hours away mind you) so they close down half the runways in SF, which obviously delays all flights from arriving due to HALF THE RUNWAYS BEING UNAVAILABLE. I'm not even sure why they do this, but all I can say is that it was pretty gay (no pun intended). It's raining, big fuckin deal. It's not like in Die Hard 2 when terrorists seized control of the airport tower and shut off all the runway lights. San Francisco, stop being pussies. That is all.
Yippee Kai Yay, San Francisco
Other than that minor delay, the rest of the flight experience was great. Virgin America airlines is cool as hell. Each seat comes with a touch screen personal entertainment center that allows you to listen to music, watch tv, order movies, follow the plane as it progresses through its flight, play games like DOOM, and order food/drinks. They even had movies like Slumdog Millionaire available to purchase. The lighting on the flight was pretty solid too. It was almost like a lounge in there, with soft, pleasing dim lights interchanging throughout the flight. Clearly, I was pretty occupied throughout the flight as I watched 3 hours of tv, purchased a 1 hour DL Hughley comedy show (for 3 bucks), and listened to music for another 2 hours. Don't get me wrong, 6 hours is a long time to be on a plane, but it still felt much quicker than your average flight.
We touched down in SF around 10:30pm (pacific time) and Ed came and picked us up. We went straight from the airport to eat at this place called BJ's. This is not a joke. The food was really good and NO I DID NOT ORDER A HOT DOG. After that, we went back and passed out at around midnight, which was essentially 3am eastern time.
Thursday (March 5th) - In the interests of not trying to translate everything into eastern time, I will now report everything in pacific time and expect for you to figure it out. Since my body was so used to waking up early for work to begin with, I automatically woke up at 430am which was completely retarded. I forced myself back to sleep and eventually had to get up for good at 630am. With everyone else sleeping, being the hero that I am, I decided to work out with the free weights that were in the living room. So as not to bore you, the rest of the morning consisted of making breakfast, showering, and taking the bus to downtown since Ed/Eric/Steve/Krissi had to work both Thursday and Friday.
Since Alfredo was the only one who hadn't been to SF before, we decided to do some of the touristy shit and went to Fisherman's Wharf. This is the area that has the tours to Alcatraz, the celebrity wax museum, tons of fresh seafood, and a bunch of shops. We walked around for a bit, then ended up at a wine shop called Wines of California and decided to chill out and do some wine tasting. So we ordered a pre-set wine tasting option, went to the outdoor patio, relaxed, drank up, talked and lived the good life. Our friend Bernie, also a Boston transplant, met up with us there and joined us for lunch at this place called Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. (named after characters from the movie Forrest Gump). We sat at a table overlooking the San Francisco Bay and destroyed various types of shrimp. The reason why I even bring this up is because Alfredo ordered a shitload of shrimp. Typically, this wouldn't be a story, but Alfredo is supposedly allergic to shrimp. He mentioned this before the order arrived and I was sitting there just waiting for his head to explode when he ate it. I looked like Jim Carrey in Dumb & Dumber right after Mental eats the burger filled with atomic peppers and starts to wig out.
It didn't happen. There was no allergic reaction. What a fuckin liar. He still claims he's allergic to shell fish but he ate like 2 pounds of shrimp and didn't have the slightest allergic reaction. I claim shenanigans. We later ended up at this bar called Harlot for some Natasha Bedingfield happy hour thing. If you're not sure who she is, watch this:
We liked her so much that we stayed for one song, then bounced. For dinner, we rallied the troops and went to eat tapas at this place called Cha Cha Cha. It was in a heavily Mexican populated area. This was good for me because I was actually taller than most of the people I came across. Now I know what it feels like to be taller than other people. It feels good. I should hang out with Mexicans from now on.
After dinner, we went to this bar that had an outdoor roof deck where we had some drinks, enjoyed the weather, and had some dessert. It started to get late, so like a bunch of pansies, we called it a night at around 11pm.
Friday (March 6th) - I woke up early again, 7am this time, and worked out again. Hey, I had to pass the time somehow. Justin and Alfredo were able to sleep in without a problem. After breakfast, Bernie came and picked us up and we were supposed to go downtown to watch The Watchmen in IMAX at this shopping/movie complex called The Metreon. Of course, we got there late so by the time we got into the theater, there were only front row corner seats available. Basically, we'd have to watch the movie looking diagonally straight up. So we said fuck it, left the theater and got our money refunded. It was actually a blessing in disguise because 1) I heard the movie wasn't that great anyway, and 2) It gave us an extra 3 hours to walk around, do some shopping, visit some bars, and people watch (which means "stare at chicks").
I bought two new pairs of jeans because apparently my jeans had a hole in them. Yes, in the rear end. I'm not sure if it was the effects of Alfredo's dick or Justin's, but there was a pretty big hole in the back of my jeans. Well, I solved that problem just in time because dinner was where this whole trip got weird for me. The Cali guys were telling us to go to dinner at this place called "Asia SF" because they indicated that there were hot asian chicks serving dinner and doing Coyote Ugly style dancing. At first, Justin, Alfredo and myself were super interested in going. That is, until we found out that those "hot asian chicks" were actually transvestites. I shit you not. At first, I thought it was kinda funny because they actually looked kinda like women, but the more I thought about it, the more weirded out I got. Ed's brother Dave and his sister Liz joined us for this debacle.
Hey Dave, you've got your hands wrapped around a guy
I don't even care if it was pre-op or post-op, the fact of the matter was, these chicks used to have dicks. That shit ain't my style. But hey, I gotta admit, it was strangely entertaining watching everyone else's reaction to what was going on.
After the dinner/show, I wasn't even sure if my penis was alive anymore so we went to a bar called Holy Cow to get some drinks, mingle with some ladies, and make sure we went to sleep without images of trannies in our heads. Without fail, I managed to spill an entire jack 'n coke on my brand new jeans. I am an idiot. Justin's friend Cathy came to meet up at Holy Cow with 3 of her girlfriends, who all happened to be sorority chicks from Syracuse University. They weren't that great looking. I wouldn't go as far as to say that we were like Lambda Lambda Lambda and the girls were like Omega Moo, but they weren't anything to write home about. Cathy was cool, the rest of these chicks were donkeys.
At 1:30am, they announced last call and turned the lights on at like 1:40am. I couldn't believe it. It was worse than Boston. At least Boston let's you hang around until 2am or a few minutes later. However, the silver lining to this was that I didn't feel like dealing with Omega Moo anymore so I was glad to be leaving.
Saturday (March 7th) - We woke up, ate breakfast, showered and headed out at around 10am. The plan was to head up north to Santa Rosa and the rest of "wine country". On the way up north, we stopped off at the Golden Gate Bridge and took some pictures and did other touristy type stuff. I'll post more pics when fettuccine Alfredo decides to upload them onto Facebook. I should probably buy a camera so I don't have to rely on other people's pictures to accentuate my blog posts. Hmm, maybe I'll do that someday.
Buy meeeeeeee!!!
Anyway, we made it up to Santa Rosa around noon, visited Ed's parents (who live there) and ate at some Chinese buffet for lunch. Oh, did I mention that Omega Moo was with us? Funny thing here. The waitor at the restaurant mentioned to Ed's Mom that the sorority chicks looked like frogs, to which she responded "well, none of them are going out with my kids" hahaha. Hey Justin/Alfredo, if you're reading this and were wondering why me and Dave were saying "ribbit" the rest of the trip, well this is why.
We ended up going to a couple wineries after to, naturally, do wine tasting. We started off at this place called St. Francis. We tried a bunch of red wines, and 1 or 2 white wines (chardonnay and some other shit). Same goes for the second winery we went to: Benziger. Both wineries were really nice in terms of how they presented the wine, as well as the scenary of the places. I could've sat there forever drinking wine and just relaxing outside. Unfortunately, we had a time limit as we needed to get back to SF and the wineries closed at 5pm anyway. One last thing about wine. I am definitely a red wine guy. It doesn't matter that red wine goes with red meat and white wine goes with chicken and pasta and shit like that. I would rather drink red wine over white wine regardless of what type of food I am eating. I think it's because I like looking at my ridiculous purple stained teeth after.
So we made it back to Ed/Steve/Eric/Krissi's place, relaxed for a bit, then headed to dinner at this Italian restaurant called "Little Henry's" that is apparently owned by Asian people. I ordered veal piccata and it came with stir fryed garlic string beans and carrots. Not your average italian meal, but hey, it tasted alright. I'm sure you're all wondering how I haven't mentioned shitting on this trip, well here it is.
After dinner, I had to drop a major deuce and it just so happens that the lady was in the process of cleaning the restroom (since it was almost closing time). So I interrupted her halfway through her cleaning process and proceeded to drop a major stink bomb in there. There was no air freshener (and no fan) by the way. So after I unloaded, I left the bathroom and she immediately walked back in to clean up. We didn't see her the rest of the evening so I'm fearful that she might actually be dead.
We ended up going to this bar/club called Mr. Smith's. No, it was not LL Cool J's bar. I immediately went in and ordered patron because I wanted to start the night off right. That, or I wanted to make sure I got blackout drunk. The place was pretty decent as there were two floors and it was pretty full of people. Only problem was, it was hot as shit on the bottom floor where we were dancing. It was so hot that I almost passed out a couple of times. So we did the usual, got drunk, danced with chicks, laughed at other people, and sweat our asses off. Dave decided to hit on a 20 year old girl and was dancing with her all night. Good for him. Hey Dave, she was better than the tranny hahaha. There were also indications that Bernie had some relations with one of the Omega Moos, but we're not sure if there was any mutual interest since he's unemployed. That's an inside joke.
After Mr. Smith's, we went to K-town for a late night meal. One of the Omega Moos decided to talk in Korean and act like she owned the place. I don't know if she was just drunk or just a stupid bimbo but it was annoying. Next thing I know, she's talking to all these other guys at a different table and giving out her number like she was giving out flyers. What a whorebag. I was actually getting tired and started to doze off at the table, so I was pretty excited when we finished eating and got the F outta there. Whorebag wanted to talk to some guys she just met so the fellas ditched Omega Moo and just went home.
That's Booger Prestley on the main guitar.
When we got home, the others somehow came up with this conclusion that I made out with one of the Omega Moos. I quickly denied all accusations but will concede to the fact that I was drunk and grinded with one of them, which may have been deemed as dry humping. That is all.
Sunday (March 8th) - woke up really late since we didn't go to sleep until after 5am. Everyone rolled out of bed around noontime, including Dave, who's flight was at 1:45. So he immediately got his shit together and headed to the airport by around 1pm. Being that it was our last day in SF, we wanted to check out this place called the Haight (pronounced "hate") District. Apparently it's just a long ass street that has tons of stores, boutiques, eateries, and bars but with somewhat of a punk theme. I can't even count the number of stores that sold drug paraphernalia and/or ridiculous t-shirts. It was a really cool place, and something that everyone should experience when they visit. It's kinda like a Newbury Street except minus all the glitz and glamour type shops.
Hey look, a smoke shop!
For dinner, we ended up eating at this place called Espetus, which was a Brazilian steakhouse. The food was unbelievable. If you've never been to one of these, basically, you sit there and the waitors just continue to pound you with rack after rack of meat until you beg for mercy. We had sirloin steak, flank steak, braised short ribs, shrimp, chicken hearts, pork, filet mignon, fried pineapple, the list goes on. And on top of that, we had dessert too. I was pretty fuckin full by the time dinner ended and all I wanted to do was relax. So we went back to the crib, opened up a bottle of wine, lit some cigars and sat on the roof just talking, passing the bottle, and smoking. What a perfect ending to the trip.
That is, until Ed accidentally inhaled the cigar, proceeded to choke and then ended up puking 4 times in a row. So much for the expensive Brazilian steakhouse meal haha. I shouldn't be laughing because I almost did the same thing 5 minutes earlier. I did everything except puke.
Stop inhaling cigars!
So after Ed regained his wits, he drove us to the airport for our flight. Apparently, Justin can't really handle a lot of alcohol and was somehow hungover by the time we got to the terminal. Bear in mind, he was hungover about 1 hour after we started drinking. I don't even know how this is possible, but it happened. Anyway, the flight home consisted of all of us passing out essentially the entire time. We took a red-eye that left at 10:45pm pacific time and got us back to Boston shortly before 7am eastern time. Somehow, I managed to gather the strength to shower once I got home, then proceeded to go to work since I had a mandatory training session to perform. I was not a happy camper Monday.
And that's my trip. I hope you enjoyed reading about it as much as I enjoyed living it.
Well I'm back from San Francisco. I'll post a detailed update sometime soon when I'm not jet lagged anymore. Sorry about the delay in posting. Not only was I out of town, but I was also lazy.
One final note. We have registered 2 new domain names to make it easier to access this site:
www.andrewchanrules.com - much easier than andrewchanrules.blogspot.com
www.lahpcheurng.com - anyone who speaks Cantonese will understand this (basically, it means "chinese sausage")
So yes, just type either of those into your browser and it will redirect you to this site.
I'm sure all of us are feeling the effects from the economy right now and could use some extra cash. Lucky for us though, Vegas decided to give us an absolute lay-up to kick off one of the greatest sporting events. Wazzou is only laying 6.5 to Mississippi State. Apparently gamblers are impressed by MSU's run through the weakest college hoops conference or they because Obama said the PAC-10 is in a down year. Who knows. But just know free money when you see it. I'm even coming out of retirement for this play. 
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