Linda & Sean's wedding weekend recap

Greg couldn't make it, so I edited him into the picture.

I attended my cousin Linda's wedding over the weekend. It wasn't as completely ridiculous as Jim & Teresa's wedding weekend, but there were a lot of fun moments. Here is what transpired...

Friday Night

I headed over to the church at 6:30pm for the wedding rehearsal because apparently I was in charge of doing the First Reading at the wedding ceremony. Let me make one thing clear. Out of all of the people in this entire world, at what point does someone think "hey, let's ask Andrew to do a reading at our wedding?" Well, it looks like we answered that question.

Anyway, we did a quick practice run of the readings, peoples' positions throughout the ceremony, and so on so forth, then got the heck outta there around 8pm. We all headed over to Linda & Sean's (the groom) place in West Roxbury for a post rehearsal dinner. They have a really nice place, 2 bed, 2 bath, washer/dryer in house and a nice 40 inch LCD TV with NO cable. Everything is great about the place except the lack of cable. Seriously, who doesn't have cable nowadays? That's like owning a cell phone that doesn't have text messaging. Regardless of whether or not you use it, you should have it.

So we chowed down on a bunch of food, had some drinks and met and caught up with family and friends. I called it an early night shortly after 11pm because I am the king of laziness lately (in case you didn't know). Or you can just call me a pussy, same thing.

Saturday morning/afternoon

I woke up really early (around 7am) and got my ass to the Watertown Boston Sports Club (BSC). I've been on a huge health kick lately so I've been eating right, working out regularly and getting as much sleep as possible. I ran 2 miles, did a full body workout, then headed over to get a haircut at this place in Waltham called Just Cutz. If you don't know me, I have really short hair. I like to get fades. Just Cutz is perfect for fades. Why is that you ask? Because there are black guys cutting my hair. Just how Asians are born with the ability to excel in math and science, black people are born to excel in sports and producing tight fades. It's just a way of life.


So after my haircut, I headed home, showered, got dressed and headed over to the church to help setup for the wedding. The good thing about where I live is that it's a 2 minute walk to the church (I didn't have to worry about being late). The bad thing about where I live is that it's a 2 minute walk to the church (people keep asking me why I don't go to church regularly). I met with the wedding photographer and showed her around for a little while so she could "strategize". I also wanted to make sure I was in good with her so she wouldn't take any ridiculous pictures of me at the wedding reception (that remains to be seen).

About 45 minutes before the wedding was supposed to begin, someone realized that the parking lot attendant hadn't shown up so none of the cars could get into the parking lot. This obviously posed a problem because it's almost impossible to find a parking spot in Chinatown, especially on a Saturday afternoon (our church has an arrangement with the parking lot to provide free parking for church related events). So there was literally a line of cars all jammed down one street waiting for an attendant to show up. Finally, about 20 minutes before the wedding, the guy showed up, but this was after we broke down the chain linked barrier and moved all the cars into the lot to begin with. Fortunately, the guy didn't care. We put it back anyway.

These were all of the cars trying to park. Just kidding.

As far as the wedding ceremony is concerned, it went off without a hitch. The wedding procession went smooth, all of the readings went smooth (even mine), and the whole thing was done in about 30 minutes or so. No faintings at this wedding. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Groomsmen, minus the Best Man and Godfather (Phil Chan)

After the wedding, everyone went downstairs to the lower church reception area for refreshments. There were egg rolls, shrimp cocktail, pastries, etc. A bunch of us sat around eating and talking and then we headed back to my place to relax before the dinner reception at 6pm. I got home and took a shower because I had swamp-ass (swamp-everything really) while everyone else watched TV and pregamed a little bit.

Linda and her lovely bridesmaids

Saturday evening

We arrived at the Back Bay Hilton shortly before 6pm and headed up to the cocktail hour right at 6pm. Typically, Asians aren't that punctual but when it's open bar all bets are off. I proceeded to consume a ridiculous amount of hors d'oeuvres (OR-DERVES) and alcohol until the actual dinner ceremony began a little after 7pm. The wedding party was introduced and came out to Drake's "Best I Ever Had" which is funny and creepy all at the same time since the song is about the best chick he's ever fucked. I'm not sure if my cousin Linda picked that song or if Sean did but, either way, I was trying not to think about it, HA.



Dinner was good. I had prime rib and a shitload of wine and hard liquor. Unlike our friend Doody from the previous wedding debacle, I successfully managed to cut my food and eat it as well! By the time the dance music started, I was pretty shitfaced so the rest of the story may have to be told by other attendees because I don't really remember shit. Apparently I blacked out shortly after chugging an entire glass of hennessy, puked on the parking lot ramp as we were leaving, and had to get carried up to my room and thrown into bed by my cousin Danny.

A drunk family is a friendly family.

As told by my roommate's girlfriend: "I came over shortly after you got home and noticed that you were passed out with half of your body on the bed and the other half dragging on the floor. I came into your room, asked if you needed help and tried to help you get your whole body into bed. You then told me to 'get the hell away' and told me to leave the room."

As told by my roommate himself: "I came into your room later and realized that you were struggling to get your shirt off. Apparently you didn't realize that you had to unbutton the sleeves to get your shirt off your arms so you were flipping out trying to get your shirt off. I had to calm you down and unbutton your shirt for you."


Naturally, I don't remember any of this happening. It happens...

However, I do remember waking up at like 7am and hearing some girl crying on the other side of the wall. I don't know if she just got punished or if something bad happened, but she was crying uncontrollably for what seemed like forever. Me, being the ever so patient gentleman that I am, then decided to bang on the wall and scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYING TO FUCKIN SLEEP! NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. STOP CRYING!" Somehow, this strategy actually worked as she either killed herself or stopped crying or left the room.

The rest of the day consisted of me going to cheer on my softball team, then sitting out by my teammate Danny's pool all day, swimming and grilling food. I wasn't even hungover!

Memorable moments as mentioned by other people since I obviously don't remember most of them:

• My cousin Phil getting cut off from the bar after chugging a jack & coke right in front of the bartender, to which she replied with something like "no more for you. i have a responsibility to make sure you don't drink too much". No she doesn't. She has a responsibility to serve us our alcohol. She also has a responsibility to shut the F up. Phil was then permitted to resume drinking about an hour later. She was probably right because I am being told that Phil was passing out at the table shortly thereafter. Wait a minute, here's a picture of that.

• My cousin Kim BYOB'd her own bottle of Jack Daniels which somehow was confiscated by one of the employees since it was a cash bar at the time. That's funny, but not really. I mean, they only paid thousands of dollars to hold the event there, the least you can do is not get your panties in a bunch over a 30 dollar bottle of alcohol. What a bitch. We spent like a half an hour trying to find the bottle. It was like an easter egg hunt. Unfortunately we couldn't find it and reports indicate that it was returned at the end of the night.

• I am horrible at dancing. Please see the following video of everyone busting into Thriller. Well, everyone but me. You need to be logged into facebook to view it I believe.

• Following this, as relayed by my cousin Kim...
  
  Kim: after thriller, another MJ song came on and that groomsman was leading a dance so you go up and talk to him for a sec, and you start going in front of him to the right, and start dancing some dance so everyone on the dance floor is following the groomsman, and you're just dancing in your own world hahah
  

• This is a picture of me and my Dad dancing. This is either the YMCA or we are both gay. I'm leaning towards the "we are both gay" answer.

All other memorable moments will be added as I obtain information from other wedding attendees. Thank you.

By the way, I'm leaving tonight for Baltimore for the Sox/O's series and I have ANOTHER wedding on Sunday night so I should be back with some fire early next week. There's a chance I might be able to post something tomorrow but not sure what my internet access is gonna look like. In any event, stay tuned...