80085

First of all, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. I ate so much food that I gained 5 pounds since last week, which makes me look more disgusting than I already did. Contrary to initial hopes and aspirations, I did not stuff any ladies like Thanksgiving turkeys. I did, however, manage to drink myself silly Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night, so naturally, I now have a cold.

Thanks to everyone for voting in the latest poll. According to popular demand, it looks like I'll be blogging a couple of times per week. However, I am concerned that the result of my poll was almost "Your blog sucks. I hope you die." Actually, I'm not that concerned. I did create that answer as an option so it only makes sense that people would click on it. But for some reason, if you really do hate my blog and wish that I would die, then let me know so I can increase my blogging to "daily".

Work has been pretty hectic lately. I've been working on this project to integrate web content from about 16 different state agencies into one website. The long and short of it is that it's a pain in the ass. Good thing I have a team of people who are really good at what they do, so it's making this project much less of a burden than it could've been. But there's no denying that it sucks. Either way, it has seriously been affecting the amount of time I have to post entries. I know this makes you all sad (well, other than the people who want me dead haha), but don't worry, I will make time to blog at least twice a week from now on. Last week was a one post week due to the Holiday circumstances. Watch out, if I get crazy, this could be a three post week!

In light of paragraph 1, I took it upon myself to go to the gym today after work. As I mentioned before, I have a membership at Boston Sports Clubs (BSC), one of which is located down the street from my office. So I walked in, did a quick full body workout, showered and started to head out. I walk over to the staircase (which is pretty narrow) and see that this girl is coming down the stairs. Instead of walking up the stairs and making it a tight situation, I step away from the staircase to let her make it to the bottom before I start going up. She acknowledges my gentleman gesture with a "thank you" head nod. I started to smile, which quickly turned into a look of concern as she tripped over her feet and fell down the stairs. Fortunately for her, she only fell down about 4 steps. Unfortunately for her, it was in front of about 20 people, and I had a front row seat of her basically flipping over. She was okay though. I helped her up and she was on her way. For the record, CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD. But it definitely is hurting haha.

I'm sure many, if not all, of you are wondering why the hell I titled this entry "80085". If you were wondering whether or not I was referring to a zip code, well you are wrong. If you think that's how much I weigh, wrong again. And if you think that's how much my salary is, then you're an idiot and you are wrong once more. "80085" is the only way you can type "BOOBS" into a calculator. Hey, I was bored as a young kid. This is what I learned in math class. I also learned the term "1 sixteen year old doing a 69 three times (11669 x 3) equals 35007. Well, if you flip the calculator upside down, it gives you the answer: LOOSE. Yes, this is my life.

So this brings us to today's topic...

Real boobs vs. fake boobs vs. small boobs vs. big boobs

Just as an FYI, for some reason I didn't even come up with this topic idea. I wish I did, but I have to give credit to my buddy Ashley for thinking this one up. Thank you Ashley.

Let's see. I don't really know where to begin here. I guess I'd like to say that (like everything else) this is just my opinion on the chest situation and everyone else is entitled to their own opinion and preference.

Actually, let's get this out of the way. I am an ASS guy. There is nothing finer to me than a perfectly sculpted rear end. Unlike boobs, most girls have to work hard to get a nice rear end. With boobs, girls have this option of something called "implants" which is kind of like cheating. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy boobs as well, but let's be clear here. It's my duty to please the booty.

For those who prefer boobs, here's your motto: What I like best is a nice full chest.

Okay, here is my unbiased account of the different types of boobs via a pro/con analysis and concluding thoughts:

Real Boobs

Pros: they are natural, they can be big or small (life is like a set of real boobs, you never know what you're gonna get!), they are usually proportional to a woman's body, and I'm assuming they are safer for breastfeeding

Cons: sometimes they can be too big (causing back problems), sometimes they can be too small (chest flatter than a guy's), and they can be deformed of just flabby (which might be a larger concern: fat and out of shape people)

Fake Boobs

Pros: they are bigger than real boobs (it's impossible to have fake boobs that are smaller than real boobs. making your boobs smaller would be called a breast reduction, which doesn't incorporate fake parts), they can be shaped perfectly to account for any deformities or lack of symmetry, they make life better for everyone (by everyone, i mean "GUYS), it's a good way for a women to move up the corporate ladder, and who doesn't like cleavage? (this kinda plays to the "make life better for everyone" position)

Cons: read this (NSFW) <---- that means "Not Safe For Work"

Small Boobs (aka Asian Boobs)

Pros: no back problems, nothing bouncing in your way as you go about your daily activities, some guys like small boobs (possibly because they can't score a chick with big boobs. this is debateable), they keep the attention on your face ladies

Cons: most guys don't like small boobs (well, not necessarily. if they had the choice between small boobs vs. bigger boobs, they'd take the bigger ones. but if it wasn't an option, they'd settle for the small boobs if the girl had a good "personality"), small boobs may make you look like a guy (although you probably need a butch haircut to go with that), a nice rack seems like it could be fun to play with

Big Boobs (aka Non-Asian Boobs)

Pros: there's nothing like a good handful, they help a girl fill out a tight shirt correctly, they probably don't produce more breast milk than smaller boobs but they sure seem like they could (see term: JUGS), an ugly girl (facewise) could then become more socially acceptable, i can use them as pillows, and there's this term that people like to use: tittyfuck

Cons: back problems if they are too big, anything bigger than D cup might look kinda ridiculous, I don't want to get smacked in the face and knocked out (for the record, I don't mind getting smacked in the face by them, as long as I don't get knocked out)

So here are the possible combinations of boobs:

• small, real boobs (probably not the best case scenario for a woman)


• small, fake boobs (must be larger than before the implants, but can still be small I guess)


• big, real boobs


• big, fake boobs

Even though I stated earlier that I'm an ass guy, I still enjoy a nice set of knockers. So I guess at the end of the day, I prefer bigger boobs to smaller boobs. It doesn't matter if they are real or fake. What is of real importance to me is the woman's body type. I don't like girls who are skeleton thin and I don't like girls who are fat. Everything in between is within my realm of possibilities. My perfect girl is a girl who's got a nice toned body, phenomenal ass, a decent set of 80085, and a pretty face. Come to think of it, I think that's what every guy would say their perfect girl would be.




Here is my conclusion: Boobs come in all shapes and sizes. Some prefer big, some prefer small. Some prefer real, some prefer fake. What matters here is that boobs do not make this world go round. Vagina does.

Please take the real breast vs. fake breast test (NSFW!)when you have time. I got 10 right and 10 wrong, which gives me an even 50% accuracy. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Please let me know how you scored. Also, please let me know if you have any pros/cons to add to the boob analysis. Thank you.