I left work at noon on Friday and headed home, thinking that we were going to leave at 1pm like we said we would. Naturally, that didn't happen because most Asian people are not punctual at all. So Steve-O came and picked me up, and we picked up a couple others, and we ended up taking off at around 2:45. Fortunately, there was no traffic going up north. The cool thing about riding with Steve-O is the fact that he has a DVD player in his car. We watched porn the entire ride to Killington. Needless to say, I was a happy camper. Just kidding, we actually watched Better Luck Tomorrow and then some DJ Tiesto concert.
So we get to the rental house at about 7pm, unload our shit, then a few of us headed to the mountain to go pick up our medallions. It was the 50th anniversary of Killington being open so we pre-ordered these medallions that entitled you to the entire weekend of skiing plus a bunch of discounts on food and other shit, for only $50. What a deal. After we picked those up, we went to the market to pick up some bare necessities (TP, PT, napkins, water, soda, mixers, etc.) and then headed back to the house. Other people had already bought a bunch of 30 racks and liquor so we were ready to rock and roll.
But before we commenced drinking, there was a spaghetti dinner waiting for us. Thank you to the ladies who volunteered to cook. After dinner, it turned into animal house up in that joint. Beer pong, flip cup, rock band, pull up contests, gay sex, hot tub, you name it, it was happening. The night pretty much ended after Steve-O got completely wasted, fell over, couldn't stand, and had to be carried downstairs into his bed.
Here is a few pictures to explain the rest of the evening:
Chilling before all hell breaks loose.
Wow, that pasta was good.
Drunk people (look at Steve-O!)
Me waiting for the Oozinator.
Guys, those microphones aren't cocks. Be easy...
Steve-O shortly before he had to be carried downstairs to his bed.Saturday morning, I woke up feeling like complete shit and couldn't understand why. Oh yeah, I drank like 15 beers and had 5 shots the night before. I am a turd. On the bright side, we decided to make a "hangover special" breakfast consisting of scrambled eggs, bread, sausage links, and bacon. Needless to say, I had to shit about 3 times before we even left the house to go to the mountain.
We finally got everyone out of the house and were going to head to the mountain when Tan's car battery died. Then he almost locked his keys in his car. What a goof haha. Luckily for him, and everyone else, they were able to jumpstart the car and we were on our way. I picked up a pair of rental skis and we were all good to go. Of course, I was the only skier out of the 20+ people. Apparently I'm either uncool or old fashioned, but I seem to prefer going down a mountain looking forward instead of being sideways. I must admit though, snowboarders definitely have much more style. They have cool designs on their boards and some sweet ass outfits. You can't really pull that off being a skier. Not that I really care though since I'm not even a winter sports kind of guy. I don't even really enjoy skiing. I just went because I didn't want to stay at the house by myself beating off all day.
In retrospect, that probably would've been a better idea because it was fuckin cold as fuck on Saturday. It was single digits outside, plus a wind chill on top of that. I was freezing my tits off.
We are so cool (literally!)We left the mountain, went home, chilled for awhile, then went to this restaurant called the Wobbly Barn. This was my first time at Killington, so naturally, this was my first time at the Wobbly Barn. Everyone I talked to before the trip mentioned it, so I knew it was going to be tight. We had a small wait, so a few of us (led by me) decided to pass the time by getting some beers. Did I mention that I'm an alcoholic? Well, if I didn't, wait till the recap of this night's events.
We got seated and everyone ordered the 12oz. prime rib entree. Apparently it was only 20 bucks if you have that medallion that I was talking about earlier. What a deal. After we ordered, we then went to the ALL YOU CAN EAT soup/salad bar. I don't even know how to explain how excited I was about this. A full day of skiing, a huge appetite, then an unlimited amount of food. I was having so much fun that I decided to hit on the waitress who was this old lady who was probably at least 50 years old. Ask anyone who was sitting at the table with me (Joe, Ha-Le, or Steve-O), she definitely wanted to do me. I am disgusting.
I think all 20+ people ordered prime rib.After dinner, most of the people decided to be pussies and "take a nap" because they were so stuffed or tired from the night before or whatever lame excuse they could come up with. Me and a couple others decided to stay up and start drinking. A few other people showed up and I started playing major card drinking games with them for about 2 hours before everyone else woke up. So basically, all the other people were just waking up, and I was already bombed. This was not good for me since the same thing that happened the night before happened again: beer pong, flip cup, etc.
We played team flip cup (9 cups per team) and I just kept drinking and drinking and drinking, even almost hoping that people from my team would get eliminated so I could drink another cup. At one point, I was the last one left and had to drink/flip 9 cups myself versus the other team who had like 6-7 people tasked with doing that. I somehow made it all the way to the last cup before they finally defeated me. Then we played again and thank God Loi came through in the clutch because 2 L's would've been bad. If you want to see video of how drunk I was, please login to Facebook and go here.
After flip cup ended, I played a few games of beer pong. We had the Tan/Chan combo going. Me and him were murking everybody. After that, I'd love to tell you what happened but I ended up blacking out and vaguely remember taking a massive dump in the bathroom at like 3-4am, then stumbling back to the aero bed.
We played team flip cup (9 cups per team) and I just kept drinking and drinking and drinking, even almost hoping that people from my team would get eliminated so I could drink another cup. At one point, I was the last one left and had to drink/flip 9 cups myself versus the other team who had like 6-7 people tasked with doing that. I somehow made it all the way to the last cup before they finally defeated me. Then we played again and thank God Loi came through in the clutch because 2 L's would've been bad. If you want to see video of how drunk I was, please login to Facebook and go here.
After flip cup ended, I played a few games of beer pong. We had the Tan/Chan combo going. Me and him were murking everybody. After that, I'd love to tell you what happened but I ended up blacking out and vaguely remember taking a massive dump in the bathroom at like 3-4am, then stumbling back to the aero bed.
Do not drink alcohol.Woke up with a massive hangover on Sunday. And by massive hangover, I mean that I puked a couple times, took a bunch of crazy shits, didn't even go skiing because I had the runs, passed out at the ski lodge looking like a homeless man for 2 hours, then slept the entire ride home instead of being a nice passenger and keeping Steve-O awake and alert as he was driving.
Note to self: I am an asshole.
So now this brings us to the topic that you all voted on:
Ski/Snowboard Trip Etiquette
I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to write about here. I guess it's going to be a sarcastic piece on how to handle yourself when you go on one of these trips. There are so many different variables so I'll just cover them as I think of them.
Packing (this has nothing to do with anal sex)
For all intents and purposes, you are going on this trip to ski/snowboard, drink, and eat. Nothing more, nothing less. So all you need to do is pack your skis/snowboard, one outfit for the mountain, one other outfit for hanging out at the rental house, one pair of underwear, one pair of socks, a towel, and a swimsuit (if there's a jacuzzi). Oh, and bring some money to pay whoever organized the trip. Pack anything more than what I stated above and you are an idiot. Listen, you should expect to be wearing the same underwear and same outfit for the duration of the weekend. It's no time to impress anyone. Toothbrushes, and other toiletries, are optional. Make sure you start packing 5 minutes before you're supposed to leave.
Driving to the Rental House
Please make sure that you are not on time, whether you are driving or getting picked up. No one minds waiting for you. This plays into the "start packing 5 minutes before you're supposed to leave" comment. Also, even though you knew about this trip well in advance, don't bother requesting time off from work, but still let your driver/passengers know that you'll be out of work early. It's so much fun telling people "Oh yeah, I can't get out of work when I said I could. Oops."
As for the actual drive. Drivers: make sure that you stuff your trunk so that everyone's stuff cannot fit. This way, you will have to pile bags/food/etc. on top of people. This makes them uncomfortable and hinders your view from the rear view mirror. This is smart because it makes sure people are PUMPED when they get to the rental house because they can't wait to get the fuck out of the car.
Passengers: Other than not being ready on time, another rule of thumb is to make sure you drink an entire gallon of water right before you get picked up so that the driver has to stop 15 minutes into the ride to let you take a leak. If you're really smart, you'd eat at a buffet beforehand so that you're farting all over the place in the car and have to stop to "unload". Another good thing to do is to make sure you fall asleep, especially if you're sitting in shotgun position (next to the driver). The driver is already investing around 3 hours into the drive and wants peace and quiet, and maybe a nap or two, during the drive.
Staying at the Rental House
Don't bring sleeping bags, blankets or pillows. You aren't going to sleep anyway, unless you pass out from drinking. And if you do pass out from drinking, you won't care where you're sleeping anyway. Also, when deciding where to rent a place, choose a place that only holds half the amount of people you are planning on going with. So for example, if you are going on the trip with 20 people, rent a place that states it only holds a maximum of 10 occupants. This way, everyone will be really close and basically piling onto each other. This is really good if you're trying to hook up with someone because you might accidentally get a cheap feel, purely as a result of the living situation.
If there's a jacuzzi (hot tub), make sure that you go to the bathroom while you're in there. It's so cold outside, why bother getting out of the jacuzzi and potentially freezing your genitals? Just go right in there. No one is going to know anyway. It's already warm as shit to begin with.
As far as drinking is concerned, it's your job to drink as much as possible, get completely shitfaced and rowdy, and destroy as many things as you can. Hey, it's not your place, why give a shit right? Throw beer cans around, pour it all over the floor, puke in the sink, run around naked, basically do whatever the hell you want. There are no rules and no consequences.
If you do plan on sleeping, make sure you wait until everyone else is asleep, then crawl into bed with an attractive member of the opposite sex. Who cares if that person is disgusted? You're both probably drunk anyway, maybe that person will put out. If that person doesn't, it's okay. Neither of you will remember it the following day anyway.
Now let's move on to eating. Do not participate in helping to prepare any of the meals. This cuts into your drinking time. Other people are there to cook for you. Also, make sure you criticize the people who cooked the meals unless the food is unbelievably good. People respond to criticism by making their meals better the next time. Make sure you chew with your mouth open as well. There's nothing that warms peoples' ears more than the sound of chewing like a horse. People will love you for it.
If there's a jacuzzi (hot tub), make sure that you go to the bathroom while you're in there. It's so cold outside, why bother getting out of the jacuzzi and potentially freezing your genitals? Just go right in there. No one is going to know anyway. It's already warm as shit to begin with.
As far as drinking is concerned, it's your job to drink as much as possible, get completely shitfaced and rowdy, and destroy as many things as you can. Hey, it's not your place, why give a shit right? Throw beer cans around, pour it all over the floor, puke in the sink, run around naked, basically do whatever the hell you want. There are no rules and no consequences.
If you do plan on sleeping, make sure you wait until everyone else is asleep, then crawl into bed with an attractive member of the opposite sex. Who cares if that person is disgusted? You're both probably drunk anyway, maybe that person will put out. If that person doesn't, it's okay. Neither of you will remember it the following day anyway.
Now let's move on to eating. Do not participate in helping to prepare any of the meals. This cuts into your drinking time. Other people are there to cook for you. Also, make sure you criticize the people who cooked the meals unless the food is unbelievably good. People respond to criticism by making their meals better the next time. Make sure you chew with your mouth open as well. There's nothing that warms peoples' ears more than the sound of chewing like a horse. People will love you for it.
Skiing/Snowboarding at the Mountain
When you get to the mountain, please make every effort to lose all the people you came with. There's nothing better than the feeling of not knowing where anyone else is. Oh yeah, don't bring your cell phone with you either so no one can find you. Once you've accomplished that, you are ready to go skiing/snowboarding. Once you get to the line for the lift, make sure you either puke, fart, or shit your pants. That way, everyone will get out of your way and you can make it to the front of the line quicker. When it's your turn to go on the lift, purposely fall off so that they have to stop it, causing a huge delay/inconvenience for everyone else. Do the same thing when you're about to come off of the lift.
When riding down the mountain, make sure you run into as many people as possible, with the express intent of knocking over little kids. Don't worry about picking them up if you knock them down, that's what their parents are there to do. Also, try to cut people off as closely as possible so that they have to immediately dart out of your way to protect themselves. This increases the chances of them crashing into a tree or other hard object. Again, this is good.
When you get to the bottom of the mountain, ask yourself: Is my equipment good enough or could I do better? If you could do better, then go ahead and steal someone else's skis/snowboard. You are the coolest person on the mountain. You deserve to have the coolest gear.
At the ski lodge, when you are hungry, make sure you steal as much food as possible. The prices in there are insane, so why pay them? Another thing, if you need to take a shit after eating, make sure you don't flush the toilet when you're done. Flushing the toilet wastes water. You don't want to do that, do you?
When riding down the mountain, make sure you run into as many people as possible, with the express intent of knocking over little kids. Don't worry about picking them up if you knock them down, that's what their parents are there to do. Also, try to cut people off as closely as possible so that they have to immediately dart out of your way to protect themselves. This increases the chances of them crashing into a tree or other hard object. Again, this is good.
When you get to the bottom of the mountain, ask yourself: Is my equipment good enough or could I do better? If you could do better, then go ahead and steal someone else's skis/snowboard. You are the coolest person on the mountain. You deserve to have the coolest gear.
At the ski lodge, when you are hungry, make sure you steal as much food as possible. The prices in there are insane, so why pay them? Another thing, if you need to take a shit after eating, make sure you don't flush the toilet when you're done. Flushing the toilet wastes water. You don't want to do that, do you?
Driving Back Home
You need to realize that these trips are so much fun that you'll do anything to stay there. A good thing to do is hide your driver's keys so you can't leave. If that doesn't work, then make sure you leave the car lights on the night before so the battery is dead the morning of departure. I mean, hey, who wants to drive 3 hours back home when you can stay at the rental house and forget about going back to work on Monday?
If all attempts to foil the drive home fail, and you actually do end up driving home, make sure you fall asleep the entire ride (just like you did on the ride there). The driver is probably tired as shit and needs rest, so don't bother him/her by carrying on a conversation to keep that person awake. That would be rude. Oh, and again like on the ride up, make sure you have to go to the bathroom as much as possible. I mean, c'mon, no one really wants to go home after drinking and skiing/snowboarding all weekend, so what's the rush? When you finally do make it back home, however, make sure you DO NOT thank the driver for the ride. This person just took you away from paradise. This person should be apologizing to you.
So I guess a good rule of thumb for going on these trips is to be a complete pain in the ass. Everyone will like you better because people like people who are different.
I hope you all enjoyed my sarcastic piece on ski/snowboard etiquette. Please do not try any of these tactics in real life. If you do, you really are an asshole.
Adios!
If all attempts to foil the drive home fail, and you actually do end up driving home, make sure you fall asleep the entire ride (just like you did on the ride there). The driver is probably tired as shit and needs rest, so don't bother him/her by carrying on a conversation to keep that person awake. That would be rude. Oh, and again like on the ride up, make sure you have to go to the bathroom as much as possible. I mean, c'mon, no one really wants to go home after drinking and skiing/snowboarding all weekend, so what's the rush? When you finally do make it back home, however, make sure you DO NOT thank the driver for the ride. This person just took you away from paradise. This person should be apologizing to you.
So I guess a good rule of thumb for going on these trips is to be a complete pain in the ass. Everyone will like you better because people like people who are different.
I hope you all enjoyed my sarcastic piece on ski/snowboard etiquette. Please do not try any of these tactics in real life. If you do, you really are an asshole.
Adios!
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1 comment:
whats up man..can i request a post re your thoughts on the TEIXERA saga/sweepstakes?? Also, any thoughts re the CELTS semi-historic run (23-2)
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