Happy New Year!

Looks like this is going to be the last blog entry of this year. Thank goodness. I can't wait for this year to end. Here is my ode to 2008 in rhyme form:

2008 was supposed to be great
It was filled with some love but also some hate
A bunch of people got married, it's about damn time
I got so drunk at the receptions, it should have been a crime

See, I don't drink because I'm unhappy, I drink because it's fun
There's no stopping my drinking once it officially has begun
Some say I'm an alcoholic or even a lush
That's probably true, but keep it hush hush!

I created new friendships, had to end one in vain
There's nothing worse than dealing with prolonged mental pain
I long to be sane, and I'm almost there
After reading this paragraph you have permission to call me queer

Let's talk about softball, that usually gives me a rise
The way the season played out was kind of a surprise
We won the Medway Tournament, thought we were good to go
Then we lost 2 championship games to Hung Lo

Broken bones, torn ACLs, and all that shit
We'll be back next year, you know we won't quit
Those aren't convenient excuses, we got beaten fair and square
Come March or April I'll be getting back in gear

Work has been busy, got a lot of projects and such
I'd rather be driving around in a Gran Turino like Starsky & Hutch
Walking in the cold is a pain in the ass
Everything I eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner gives me gas

I started going back to the gym, hitting them weights hard
What motivated me was the fact that I looked like a tub o' lard
Protein, creatine, nitric oxide, and multi-Vs
Don't mess with me or I'll pimp slap you while saying "nigga please"

Tonight will be the last night I drink this year
I will consume a lot of liquor and also a bunch of beer
I have no fear, 2009 should be fine
But if it isn't, I'll be holding this sign:



So I did the superpower poll a couple weeks ago and there was a 3-way tie. Apparently people couldn't decide between the ability to teleport, the ability to become invisible, or the ability to read other people's minds. What people could decide on was the fact that the ability to fly was CLEARLY THE WORST option, as noted by the ONE vote. I will now present my analysis on which is the best superpower.

The ability to fly clearly sucks compared to the rest of the options. What can you really do with that superpower? You can get from point A to point B faster than alternate means of transportation. See, this would be cool if the "ability to teleport" option wasn't available. Teleportation is so much faster. You ever hear the question, "if you could teleport, where would you go?" Well I'm pretty positive that 99% of all men have answered that question with "the Playboy Mansion". For the record, I do not fall into that remaining 1% category. So clearly, teleportation trumps flying because you can get to and from the Playboy Mansion as quickly as possible.

The ability to become invisible is also a cool power to have, but it's almost the same thing as being ugly since no one notices you anyway! But the best thing about being invisible is (guys all know this one): seeing women naked without them knowing. See, now this trumps the teleportation power because you can teleport to the Playboy Mansion, but still be ugly, so you could get kicked off the property (only to teleport back in and proceed to get kicked out again). But if you're invisible, you can stand and observe anything without people noticing you.

My winner for best superpower is the ability to read other people's minds. This plays to the theory from the movie "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson. Imagine if you could tell what members of the opposite sex were thinking? That would be an unbelievable power to have. I'd definitely get laid at least once a year if I had that power. This might suck if you're ugly though because then you'll just be reading all the minds of all these women thinking "oh my God, this guy is disgusting. I wouldn't sleep with him if he was the last man on Earth and I was the last woman on Earth and the future of the human race depended on it."

I guess the moral of the story is: you better be good looking because no matter what superpower you have, you're not getting laid if you're ugly. So I guess the worst case scenario is an ugly person with no superpowers and the best case scenario is a good looking person with superpowers.

I am the worst case scenario.

Moving on... Everyone have a HAPPY NEW YEAR. Stay safe tonight, don't be stupid, and try to get your dicks (or pussies) wet!

I'll be back in the new year with a post regarding my opinion of the different seasons (spring, summer, fall, winter), as well as a recap of tonight's events (if I remember them) and some other bullshit.

GOODBYE 2008, HELLO 2009!