When Mr. Potato Head approached to be a guest author on his little blog, I was very excited. One, I get to try this “blogging” thing that the kids are so crazy about on the Intraweb; two, it gives me an outlet for my inappropriate thoughts; and three, I can do my share in this tough economic climate by helping the tax base of Massachusetts recoup some of Mr. Potato Head’s state sponsored time so he can do some work for the Commonwealth instead of blogging about defecation.
I then asked him about a topic that I could write about. Bam! We swung right for the fence; no little rants about how the idiots buying scratch tickets hold up the line at the local 7-11, or deep thoughts on how far our country has come in electing the first minority president. Nope – we go right off the high dive platform of the inappropriate pool with a little essay about Hairy pussies versus the Landing Strip versus the Bald Eagle.
(None of these pussies were harmed during creation of this blog entry)
Mr. Potato Head, without prompting, offered me the option of posting this article anonymously. I liked this and took him up on his offer as it will lessen the chance of Ted Kennedy bringing this up in our Senatorial election debate in 2012. Also, in today’s PC climate, where a bush league clown like Sean Avery can get away with his on-ice shenanigans (and continue to pull high quality trim at that) but get suspended over words; one can't be too careful.
When thinking about the layout of this article, I very much would've liked to have followed the format of the Boobies post, but this proved to be difficult. All three categories of the pubic grooming (or lack thereof) styles are special and excellent in their own way; in my opinion, they are very much like Arnold Schwarzenegger movies – they are full of life lessons and can teach us about the World and about ourselves (BTW, I do not acknowledge the existence of the movie Junior).
Without further ado, let us get to the topic at hand:
Hairy Pussy Vs. the Landing Strip Vs. the Bald Eagle
The Hairy Pussy
Pros:
They are natural, wild, and low maintenance. This tells me that the girl is comfortable with who she is, and lessens the chance of having to answer the question “Do you think I'm fat?” To be honest, most girls who don't shave are not that hairy anyways; and for those who have the forest, most guys will still hit it. Sure it conjures up the image of Chewbacca, howling hopelessly as the gates of the west entrance of the Hoth rebel base close for the night as Luke and Han are trapped outside with the temperature rapidly dropping. But beneath that carpet lays the same happy spot and euphoric feeling one felt when Rogue Two uttered the elated words “Echo Base, this is Rogue two. I found them, Repeat, I found them.”
Cons:
When you are really hairy, you lend yourself to be the victim of cruel sophomoric nicknames like “wookiee crotch”.
Susan, if you are reading this, come on, you have to admit it was funny hearing it at that keg party.
The Landing Strip
Pros:
The gold standard of adult entertainment. If she has a luxury car brand as a first name, chances are she has a landing strip.
I like order, I like a sense of direction; I like the symmetry of it.
The landing strip shows that a girl is willing to put in the effort and time for personal grooming – even though sometimes the rest of the package is lacking. Hey, sometimes the team may suck, but it’s nice to be the visitor on a well groomed field.
Cons:
It is too common; it gets old quick when you see it every time you open a browser or visit a club. Or it could just be me and the places I visit; but usually my attention is quickly drawn away by a pair of 34 D fake breasts.
The Bald Eagle
Pros:
The girl is a super freak, yes, the kind you don't take home to mother. There is a good possibility that she'll agree to the suggestion of girl on girl action with the Brazilian twins you met at the ball game. Or she may just be twelve years old.
Cons:
The girl might be hiding something; crabs perhaps? There is also a good chance that she may be referred to as “sloppy seconds” by someone on a pre-game interview.
Also, it really sucks waiting in the car outside of the middle school for her to get out of class. It's both awkward and time consuming.
So there we have it! The first guest entry (hopefully not the last). I want to say thank you to our anonymous blogger. For the record, I would prefer my women groomed in this order:
1. Bald eagle
2. Landing strip
3. Hairy pussy
Have a wonderful weekend everybody!
Posts
4 comments:
More sophmoric humor! You know, sometimes one would like to read a little bit about trillion dollar bailouts and failing economic systems, not whether or not a girls nether regions are taken care of. Is this all we have to look forward to from your generation? More questions about the state of our once fine country lies in the echos of double d's and hairy pussies! This speaks strongly to what many of us have thought to ourselves, but have been to afraid to say aloud, and that is that we are DOOMED! Keep up the good work fellas, we are all very proud of you!
It goes to show that I've finally made it now that I have haters!
Hi Hater!
By the way, isn't it spelled "sophomoric"? If you're going to criticize someone, at least spell things correctly when you do it. You look so dumb right now.
@Anonymous
Is that you Susan?
Brush them off son...brush them off!
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