4th of July weekend recap Part II

Here is the continuation from the previous post...

Quick disclaimer: All of the events portrayed did actually happen, but they happened from my perspective. I may have remembered some things incorrectly only because it's hard to recall things that happened when I was hammered. If so, please let me know and I can update the specifics. Also, in the context of this recap, I redacted some personal identifying information (some last names, some first names, etc.), where necessary, in an effort to make sure this blog isn't in the spotlight in case one of you ever becomes famous. Happy reading...

Saturday (7/4/09)

Woke up on the edge of the bed next to Frank, who was occupying about 90% of the bed. I think the only reason I woke up was because he was inching me closer and closer off the bed as the night progressed. For the record, there was no gay shit going on here. I put a pillow between us as a "barrier to entry" so to speak. Once we finally got out of bed, me, Frank and the ladies decided to grab breakfast at Denny's and then we came back, everyone showered up and got dressed for the wedding.

We stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn.

The wedding ceremony was held at 1pm at St. Joseph the Worker Church in Liverpool, NY. It was about a 15 minute ride from the hotel. We showed up about 10 minutes before the wedding procession started and immediately realized that it was pretty warm in the church that day. It was a very traditional Catholic wedding ceremony with the bride (Teresa) coming out to the Bridal Chorus by Wagner. There were also 2 readings, a responsorial psalm, a gospel, and a homily. All in all, it didn't seem all that long as they got through most of the ceremony in about 50 minutes.

Left to right: Maid of honor, Teresa, Jim, Best Man Bob

That was, until the Maid of Honor (the Bride's sister) ended up fainting by the altar which caused a 15 minute delay as they tended to her. The best part about it was that Dr. Doody "saved the day" by waiting about 10 minutes before he decided to help out. To be fair, he's not a real doctor yet, but when he does become one, I hope to God I'm not one of his patients. This was followed by the priest resuming the ceremony by saying "I really mean it when I say let us pray". It was an unfortunate time to faint though because it literally happened right before the final blessing. Well, at the very least, no one is going to forget this wedding. We originally thought that the fainting was as a result of simply the lack of air conditioning in the Church, but we then decided that it had to be a combination of the heat and the hangover that the Maid of Honor was probably nursing from the night before. We cannot confirm that though since she was not part of the Friday night debacle. The following video is meant to give you an idea of what may have occurred and not to be considered in poor taste of the travesty that happened at this wedding. Okay, you gotta admit, it was pretty funny. You can laugh.



After the wedding, everyone headed out to the parking lot to talk and mill about. The newlyweds and their families had photo obligations so while we waited for them to finish, a whiffle ball session broke out. Once that ended, we headed over to the Bride's parent's place for a light lunch and then back to the hotel to take naps until the 6pm reception. FYI, I did not drop a deuce at Teresa's parent's place because they only had one bathroom on the first floor and it was right near all of the food. I didn't want to contaminate the spread. So I held out until we got back to the hotel and unleashed hell.

Whiffleball is fun.

I woke everyone up shortly before 5:30 and we headed down to the lobby as there was a bus waiting for us to shuttle us to the reception. This was a nice touch by Jim & Teresa (the newlyweds) as it was July 4th, everyone was going to be drinking, and the cops were going to be out in full force. Smart thinking. Someone definitely would've gotten a DUI.

The reception was held at Lafayette Hills Golf and Country Club in Jamesville, NY which happened to also be about 15 minutes from our hotel. Basically, everything was 15 minutes from the hotel. Beautiful country club, nice scenic views, and most importantly, an open bar. We got some drinks, made small talk with some people, then took some pictures. Before dinner began, I decided to set a goal of drinking every type of alcohol available. I think I succeeded. I ended up having a Jack & Coke (whiskey), a Capecodder (vodka), a Gin & Tonic (gin), a Rum & Coke (rum), a scotch on the rocks (scotch), a glass of red wine, a glass of white wine, champagne, 2 beers, a Manhattan (liquer) and a tequila sunrise (tequila). And for some reason, after all of that, I wasn't even wasted. I was drunk, but not smashed.

Most of the people in this picture took part in Friday's debacle.

Before dinner began, they did all of the formal introductions, the first dance, and the speeches from the Best Man and the Maid of Honor/Her twin brother. I don't remember much of the Maid of Honor speech but I remember that the Best Man (Jim's brother Bob) did take it easy on Jim and actually called out all of his friends at Table 17 (a bunch of the fantasy baseball guys and other friends) as the guys who could dish out the dirt on Jim. I was actually hoping that he'd say a story about walking in on Jim beating off or something ridiculous like that, but I guess not. Bob did make it a point to advise all of the single ladies in the room to "stay away from the guy they call Doody", which was hilarious because that's his real last name but everyone probably thought he was making a joke about bowel movements. In a way, he probably was. I'm not particularly sure if that helped Doody's game or hurt it, but I do have to say that it's pretty cool being included in a Best Man's speech. That is, unless Bob said something like "Doody has AIDS". So we all raised our glasses, cheered to the new couple and dinner commenced.

For me, dinner was good. I had the prime rib which was cooked to my liking: medium rare. My table was one of the first tables to be served so it was piping hot when it arrived. Unfortunately for Frank, his table was the last to be served so by the time he got his food, it was overcooked (from being on the warmers too long) and it actually was cooler than room temperature. Oh well, sucks for them haha. By the way, I took a shit at the country club in case you were wondering.

Side note: We were trying to figure out how old these two cute waitresses were at the reception and everyone kept saying that they had to be over 18 years old and, therefore, would have sex with them. I held steady in saying that they looked much younger and were barely 18 at the oldest. I think Dodson came in with a guess of age 22. Well, Doug's gf Kim decided to ask one of them and guess what? They were 16 years old. So for all of you assholes who thought they were of age and wanted to bang them... (please insert statutory rape joke here).

After we finished eating, the band got everybody moving by playing some nice tunes. I think Marotta was the one who rallied the troops as we invaded the dance floor. Filipino Mike decided to get things jumpin by doing some breakdancing and some other smooth moves which really impressed the old white folk. Everyone else sprung into action and carved up the dance floor. There were even confirmed reports that "Last Place Doug" was caught dancing when Poker Face was played. I didn't see it happen but I'm pretty sure it was a disaster. When the music slowed down, the slow dancing started and that's when Don Magic Juan Kristian B. decided to spring to action (for comedic purposes, we'll call him "Chen Who?"). Our man from Boston had been working his game with this Emily chick all afternoon at the wedding and all during the cocktail hour and dinner. It was only right they they slow danced. And once they did, it was sealed.

We haven't heard the full story yet, but all inclinations point to this boy turning into a MAN that evening. For context purposes, Emily was Teresa's friend from Boston who "needed a ride" to Syracuse because she didn't want to drive alone. Kristian is an admitted "asian fetish" predator who was described as a "ladies man" by Teresa. Naturally, Kristian had no problem offering to provide her with transportation. When Sonya asked Emily later on that evening what she looks for in a guy, she responded with "tall white guy, blond, 6 feet 4 inches". Hey guess what, Kristian is a tall white guy with blond hair and he's 6 feet 4 inches tall. What a coincidence! I did not make this up.

Frank, AKA "Rodz", and his gf Hanh

Once the reception ended, we all piled back onto the shuttle bus and headed back to the hotel. Teresa's cousins and some other girls decided to come back and drink with us, so we popped open a couple bottles of wine and champagne and chilled outside. A few of the guys were working their game and there were some accounts of a little piece here and there. Kevin made out with Teresa's cousin and was then promptly cockblocked by her friends. Eric told me that Kevin referred to the cockblockers as the "Matrix Twins". I see the resemblance now that I think about it. Me, being the pimp that I am, ended up in bed with Frank again since the girls slept together for the second night in a row. We are such a cute couple.

Quick note: Doody was absolutely destroyed at the wedding. I couldn't seemlessly fit his drunkeness into each paragraph so I'm dedicating this area for that purpose. I recall him breaking at least a few glasses on the dance floor. He was to the point where you weren't sure if he was just going to pass out at any moment. Every time he dropped his drink, people advised him to drink some water and he'd break free and head to the bar for another drink. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, when we were back at the hotel, we got into the elevator and Doody was so wobbly legged that he fell backwards and sandwiched the girl who was standing behind him into the elevator wall. High comedy. There are also unconfirmed reports that beer was purchased from the lobby and charged to Doody's account.

Here is our google chat conversation from yesterday (after Doody read part I):

10:49 AM rmdoody: i'm scared for part 2

10:51 AM me: hahaha

10:52 AM i didn't destroy u in it <----- I guess I lied hahahaha

10:53 AM rmdoody: i did a good enough job of destroying myself

10:54 AM me: that u did haha

10:56 AM rmdoody: i'm kind of upset that i missed the strip club trip, but it might have been a good thing

i might have been stripping next to kevin or dead in the hotel by sunday morning from alcohol poisoning

10:57 AM me: yeah if u were as drunk as u were saturday night, at the strip club on friday, we all would've been arrested

10:59 AM rmdoody: no shit...i was a disaster at the wedding

i'm just glad i'm still alive

11:02 AM me: i heard that a few people saw u on your way out sunday morning

they all said you looked like you were going to die

hahaha

rmdoody: a little piece in me did die

11:03 AM there's nothing like taking a 7 hour drive while hungover

11:04 AM me: how was the drive? did you have any mishaps?

11:05 AM rmdoody: i made some stops along the way which helped...my brother near cooperstown and a college friend in albany

11:07 AM me: any puking?

11:08 AM rmdoody: nope...i don't think i puked at all

at least i don't remember puking

then again i was looking at pictures on FB and i didn't recall being in them at all

11:10 AM me: i remember u broke about 3 glasses during your drunken escapades

rmdoody: i kind of remember 1

11:12 AM me: haha

rmdoody: i wish that i drank a little less because i might have been a lot less of an ass as the night went on

me: u were a complete mess

it was fantastic

rmdoody: but i think that its one of the reasons that i'm invited to these things.

11:13 AM table 17 was a disaster to start with and then i was the damn ringmaster of the circus

11:16 AM me: u get that drunk on a regular basis?

if so, that is awesome

11:17 AM rmdoody: i try not to...but it happens at least a half dozen times a year, especially after med school exams

11:18 AM me: make sure you give me a call next time you finish a med school exam

11:19 AM rmdoody: lol

i can't wait for the next wedding

Sunday (7/5/09)

I woke up Sunday and had a pretty hard time getting out of bed. It's probably because I drank every fucking type of alcohol and my body was refusing to function. So all I did was lay there at the hotel and watch the Wimbledon finals until close to noontime. I finally mustered the strength to shower and pack, and then we headed back over to Teresa's parent's place for the day-after-brunch. There was tons of good food there (potato salad, macaroni salad, sandwiches, chips, etc.) but my stomach was basically turning over the whole time. I ran into a couple of Teresa's cousins who may or may not have had relations with some of the guys the night before (one of them did) and I just giggled to myself.

After hanging out for a couple of hours, we had to leave to drive Sonya to the airport, then we headed for home. On the way home, we stopped off in Lee, MA to grab some dinner and check out the outlets. We picked up a few items, then continued on our way back to Boston. I got home at around 9PM, showered, did some laundry and then passed out, ending a great weekend.

Interesting observations:

• All of the guys in our fantasy baseball league call Frank by his team name (Rodz) instead of his real name. I've never seen this happen before. At one point, I think Kevin even asked me what Frank's real name was. Just think about this. That's like calling people by their AIM screen name or something. Completely ridiculous, yet completely funny. Here is a pic of the fantasy baseball crew.

• A bunch of the older women at the Sunday brunch thought that I was Filipino Mike and commented on my unbelievable dancing ability. I guess all Asians DO look alike!

Shout Outs:

• Jim & Teresa - Congratulations on your new life together! May you enjoy your honeymoon and all of your POST marital sex
  
  
• Frank, Hanh, and Sonya - my roommates, thanks for another enjoyable weekend and for not calling the police after I farted and almost gassed everyone to death
  
  
• Doug, Kim, Jane, Ike, Kristian, and Dodson - good times at table 14!
  
  
• Secor brothers and Kyle - Eric, thanks for the ride up to 'Cuse. You are a funny dude. Tell Avril Lavigne I said hello. Kevin, you are one out of control motherfucka when you are drunk. Tell Lola I said hello. Kyle, stop having threesomes with dogs.
  
  
• Table 17 - I'm expecting you to post some of those incriminating stories about Jim in the comment section of this blog entry. You guys are cool dudes. Let's make sure we meet up more often instead of just once a year.
  
  
• Homeless Black Guy - keep playing that guitar my friend. you are a true legend
  
  
• 7 Year Old Freestyler and Backflip Kid - don't quit your day jobs
  
  
• People of Syracuse - learn how to have some fun
  

Left to right: Jim, Teresa, Kristian, Me, "Rodz"

Who's getting married next? Let's do it big again.