- I am thankful for my family, especially my parents, who have endured 26 years of yours truly. As you can see from my thoughts on this blog, I am a moron. Yet my parents are still proud of me and still support me (at least I think they do haha).
- I am thankful for my friends: the Stoneham crew, college friends, my MD/VA/DC heads, sports friends (Dragonz, BB4L, eScription, etc.), and other people I've met along the way. Everyone knows I'd do anything for any one of my friends. All I ask is that you don't stab me in the back.
- I am thankful for my health. In the past year, I have been injured more times than the rest of my life combined. I tore a back muscle, I had (and still have) inflammation of the cervical vertebrae in my neck, bicep tendonitis, rotator cuff problems, I broke my finger, sprained my left thumb and left big toe, and had (and still have) elephantitis. But don't worry about it. There are plenty of people who have it much much worse than I do, and it's times like these where we should think about those less fortunate and try to ease their suffering as much as we can.
- I am thankful for my job. Everyone knows that these are tough times, and I am glad that I am employed in a somewhat stable environment. People who know me hear me saying that I'd like to get laid off so I can collect unemployment. Sometimes I guess it sounds great, but at the end of the day, it's a terrible idea. So I am now changing my theme from "I would like to get laid off" to "I would like to get laid". Thank you.
- I am thankful for the people who are no longer a part of my life. Whether it be people who passed away or people I've lost touch with, I'm thankful that they were a part of my life. I've learned that the best thing to do is to move on and just cherish the memories of the people you have lost. Dwelling on it day after day just turns you into a cynical bastard.
- I am thankful that I still feel God's presence in my life. Even though I barely go to church anymore, and I am a borderline alcoholic, and have a massive shitting problem, I still feel a higher power in my life directing me to become a better person. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don't. The point is, I know someone's looking down on me even though a lot of times I'm not looking up.
- I am thankful for Google and Blackberry for taking over my life. I am more dependent on you two than anything else in my world. This is pathetic, but at the same time, I don't think I'm the only person suffering from this.
- I am thankful to be living in the city with my Godbro Jon. Not only is the place fantastic, but Jon is an okay guy as well (hahaha alright he's a little bit better than okay). It's nice being able to walk to and from work everyday. I enjoy eating out in Chinatown (there is no sexual connotation here), and I enjoy being able to walk to the bars/clubs in 5 minutes. It's cool living away from the parents because it has made me more independent, while at the same time, it has made me appreciate them even more. Dude, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, going grocery shopping, and all that other stuff, is tiring as hell. I am never having children. Correction, I am never having "planned" children.
- I am thankful for our troops, serving to protect our country's way of life. I know there is a debate on whether the wars are right or wrong and all that BS, but the key here is to remember that these troops are laying their lives on the line day after day and we should support them fully. Just try to think: when was the last time you laid your life on the line for someone else? God Bless the Troops.
- I am thankful for being able to rush the ball in Madden '09. Don't mess with the Browns baby. However, I'm not thankful for my inability to pass the ball. By the way, we're starting a Madden online league for anyone who wants to join. We plan on playing a game or two per week, having a beginners division and an intermediate division, and just going from there. It's going to take some time to iron out all the details. Either leave a comment or email me if you are interested.
- I am thankful for simple things like a winter jacket, gloves, a hat, a scarf, and even underwear. Without underwear, I'd be swinging like a pendulum. That was gross. Deal with it.
- I am thankful for the food and drinks I will be consuming this weekend. As Fat Bastard said in Austin Powers: GET IN MY BELLY!
- I am thankful for all the beautiful (both mentally and physically) girls in this world. You make my days much easier to deal with. I want to stuff you all like a Thanksgiving turkey. Yup, that was inappropriate as well. Oops!
- I am thankful for Facebook. Not only have I been able to reconnect to a lot of people I lost touch with, but now my boss and superiors at work can see all the incriminating information/pictures I have on there!!! This is one of those "thankful/not thankful at the same time" viewpoints.
- And lastly, I am thankful for people who come to my blog, either because they are interested in what I have to write or have nothing better to do at work. I've noticed that a bunch of people voted on the "Your blog sucks. I hope you die." option on the latest poll. This warms my heart hahaha.
Monday, November 24, 2008
A Time of Thanks
Being that this is the week of Thanksgiving, I'd like to reflect on some of the things I've been thankful for over the last year. Please remember that this is the time of year where you can sit back, stuff your face with food, hang out with the family, drink tons of booze, and watch football. Come to think of it, it sounds exactly like what I do every Sunday, except for the "hang out with the family" part. Well anyway, you know what I mean. This is what I am thankful for (in no logical order):
Friday, November 21, 2008
T.G.I.F.
Whatever T.G.I.F. you are celebrating today I proudly support.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Guys, if you're trying to pickup a girl, please view the following instructional video first.
- Thank God It's Friday
- Thank God I'm Free (from work)
- Thank God I'm Full (from eating)
- This Great Intoxication Friday
- That Girl Is Fat
- That Guy Is Fat
Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Guys, if you're trying to pickup a girl, please view the following instructional video first.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
New Poll and Shit Poll Results
FYI, I've added a new poll (see top right) about how often you would like me to post entries on this blog. Unlike most presidential elections, your vote actually counts here.
So the official results of the "How many times do you crap per day on average?" poll have been finalized. It looks like 37% of you crap 2-3 times per day, 33% crap once per day, 12% crap 4-6 times per day, and 16% of you are disgusting. So it looks like the majority of people crap 2-3 times per day. Sounds about right.
I just noticed that if you add up the percentages for the shit poll, it doesn't even add up to 100%. This is ridiculous. I mean, certainly there was some rounding going on, but how can the widget not tabulate the percentages to a 100% total? I guess this is similar to presidential pre-polling as it is accurate +/- 2 percent.
Here is a cool video about the history of blogs and how to use them:
Now here is a great video about this fobby Asian dude from Toronto who has his own cooking show. Steve-O showed me this, it's hilarious.
You gotta watch all the episodes. This guy is one of my idols...
So the official results of the "How many times do you crap per day on average?" poll have been finalized. It looks like 37% of you crap 2-3 times per day, 33% crap once per day, 12% crap 4-6 times per day, and 16% of you are disgusting. So it looks like the majority of people crap 2-3 times per day. Sounds about right.
I just noticed that if you add up the percentages for the shit poll, it doesn't even add up to 100%. This is ridiculous. I mean, certainly there was some rounding going on, but how can the widget not tabulate the percentages to a 100% total? I guess this is similar to presidential pre-polling as it is accurate +/- 2 percent.
Here is a cool video about the history of blogs and how to use them:
Now here is a great video about this fobby Asian dude from Toronto who has his own cooking show. Steve-O showed me this, it's hilarious.
You gotta watch all the episodes. This guy is one of my idols...
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Steve-O's Bday Weekend Recap and Random Goodies
Alright, well I'm back. Here are some quick hitters:
Thursday night - I was pretty tired when I got out of work. I think it was because I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Oh yeah, I stayed up until 2am looking at boobs, duh. So I decided not to go to dinner at Shabu in Brighton and just meet up with everyone at the Kells later on that night. But before I could go to the Kells, I stayed in and watched the Patriots/Jets game with my roommate. What a shitty first half that was. I almost left halfway through because I was so disgusted, kinda like if you're really drunk, take a fat chick home, then suddenly become sober and realize what you're doing halfway through banging her. Yes, I was THAT disgusted. So anyway, the game ended up being really interesting and intense in the second half. Too bad we lost to those fudgepackers, but then I realized that this isn't the normal Patriots. This is the Patriots MINUS the immortal Tom Brady, Rodney Harrison, Adalius Thomas, Ty Warren (he was out that game), and I guess we could consider Lawrence Maroney as someone we should mention as well. So long story short, Jets fans shouldn't be celebrating. They almost lost to a team that's more banged up than a Chinatown hooker.
I ended up getting to the Kells around midnight and this is what I immediately see:
Dude was already fuckin trashed. Apparently he had taken tons of shots within a 20 minute period or something like that. This led me to think two things:
YUP.
Friday - Friday wasn't all that interesting so I'm gonna sum it up with words and phrases:
work, quesadillas and margaritas for lunch, left work early, 3 hour nap, dinner at Blue Ribbon BBQ, pregame at Steve-O's, sanctuary, gypsy bar, archstone drinking, sleep
Saturday - Woke up early Saturday and decided to go to the gym with my roommate Jon. I realized that my body was starting to look as nasty as my face so I knew I needed a workout. We both have memberships at Boston Sports Club (BSC), which is cool because there are a bunch of them near where we live. So we ended up going to the BSC in the South End, which I am completely regretting at this point. Why you might ask? Well, number one, the gym facilities weren't that great (everything was packed in close). And number two, there were guys staring at me. Just for clarification, they weren't staring at me because my body is a work of art. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, let's put it this way. There's a lot of people living in the South End whose favorite color is the rainbow. Listen, I'm not homophobic, but I get uncomfortable when people are looking at me with those "I wanna fuck you in the ass" type eyes. I will say it once and for all. MY ASS IS AN EXIT ONLY. Thank you. Again, I have no problem with gay people. I work with gay people, I'm not against civil unions (I'm not for it either, I just don't care either way), and I have friends who are gay. The only thing I have a problem with is a dick in my ass. Again, thank you. Moving on.
So we went to Foxwoods later on that evening, which clearly is an indication that I lost money that day. We get there, and I immediately start ordering tons and tons of drinks. I mean, hey, they're free! Plus, I knew I'd lose at least 100 bucks so I figured I'd counter that by drinking at least 100 dollars worth of booze. Yeah, that's good logic until you get drunk and lose 300 dollars over the course of the night. Everyone lost money that night except mister birthday boy. Yeah, Steve-O somehow won a bunch of money on Sic Bo, which is kinda like a Chinese version of roulette. I ended up falling asleep watching Jon's cousin Amy play video poker, ended up meeting up with big Frank Cho and crew, then went home at 3ish.
Sunday - Sunday, by tradition, is designated as a recovery day. The idea is to lay around and do nothing all day. And by nothing, I mean watch football and eat. So that's basically what we did until dinner time, which consisted of us going to KFC in Dorchester and debating back and forth on whether we should get a bucket of chicken and large sides or if we all should each get the Guitar Hero Fully Loaded Box Meal. For the record, I voted for the Guitar Hero option. I lost. But in the end, everyone lost because we all had diarrhea after eating. And that was the last thing I remember from this past weekend: diarrhea.
Before we move to the topic of the day/week/month/year/decade/century, I'd like to let everyone know that they need to be careful in this cold, virus-infested weather. You don't want to get a stuffy nose because if you do, you may need to use this gadget:
This video is just way too funny.
Okay, topic time:
Going to the Casino vs. Going to the Strip Club
I'd like to make some arguments about the positives and negatives of each and then come to a decision as to which is the most bang for the buck. Since I just used the word "bang" in the previous sentence, I'm sure most of you are assuming I'm going to pick the strip club as a better choice for entertainment. You may be right, you may be wrong. Read on to find out.
I know it's tough to make every weekend an interesting weekend. As many of you have experienced, going to bars/clubs just isn't cutting it anymore. I mean, it's cool when it's someone's birthday or if there is some type of special event going on, but for the most part, going to bars/clubs is getting old. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need something different to do to spice up our lives a little bit. I'm not telling you to go to a museum or read a book or do anything crazy like that. I'm also not telling you to specifically go to the casino or to a strip club, although I am providing it as an option in case you have nothing better to do. These two options should be a last resort when deciding what to do on any given night. If you are bored and your first instinct is either of these two places, you have a problem.
What this piece is about is the pros and cons of each, and my recommendation as to which is better. And if this leads to your Friday/Saturday night plans, then don't blame me if you wake up next week broke and with various STDs. Here we go.
Going to the casino is a fun time. Not only can you make tons of money, but you also get free drinks, you accrue points on your card that can be used at various restaurants/shops, and there's always hot chicks there trying to pick up a sugar daddy. Getting really drunk and winning tons and tons of chips is something that should be everyone's God given right. If you are the recipient of everything I just listed, then you are bound to have a good night.
On the flip side, going to the casino may cause you to lose a shitload of money. This is the only direct negative of going to the casino. Now, let's say you go home to your wife or significant other and tell her/him that you just lost a shitload of money. Well, the indirect result of losing money could cause an argument, followed by a hissyfit, followed by a break up, followed by getting drunk and hooking up with a blow-up doll. Now this isn't a likely scenario, but IT COULD HAPPEN. Think about it. Now that would be a bad night.
Like going to the casino, going to the strip club is also a fun time. There are so many more PROs and so many more CONs, so I will do this analysis in list form.
The PROs of going to a strip club include:
Here are some CONs:
- It is FUCKIN COLD outside!
- Congratulations Dustin Pedroia on winning the AL MVP award. This goes to show that the Napoleon Complex is beneficial to society.
- Sorry Coco Crisp, thanks for your service. I hope you do well in Kansas City.
- New Jumbo seafood restaurant in Chinatown has the best lunch special I've seen in awhile. You get your entree with a choice of soup (hot & sour or corn), choice of an appetizer (roast pork, egg roll, or chicken wing), and a choice of rice (white rice or pork fried rice) all for $4.75. Amazing.
Thursday night - I was pretty tired when I got out of work. I think it was because I didn't get enough sleep the night before. Oh yeah, I stayed up until 2am looking at boobs, duh. So I decided not to go to dinner at Shabu in Brighton and just meet up with everyone at the Kells later on that night. But before I could go to the Kells, I stayed in and watched the Patriots/Jets game with my roommate. What a shitty first half that was. I almost left halfway through because I was so disgusted, kinda like if you're really drunk, take a fat chick home, then suddenly become sober and realize what you're doing halfway through banging her. Yes, I was THAT disgusted. So anyway, the game ended up being really interesting and intense in the second half. Too bad we lost to those fudgepackers, but then I realized that this isn't the normal Patriots. This is the Patriots MINUS the immortal Tom Brady, Rodney Harrison, Adalius Thomas, Ty Warren (he was out that game), and I guess we could consider Lawrence Maroney as someone we should mention as well. So long story short, Jets fans shouldn't be celebrating. They almost lost to a team that's more banged up than a Chinatown hooker.
I ended up getting to the Kells around midnight and this is what I immediately see:
Dude was already fuckin trashed. Apparently he had taken tons of shots within a 20 minute period or something like that. This led me to think two things:
- This is fuckin hilarious.
- Shit, I wish I caused this.
YUP.
Friday - Friday wasn't all that interesting so I'm gonna sum it up with words and phrases:
work, quesadillas and margaritas for lunch, left work early, 3 hour nap, dinner at Blue Ribbon BBQ, pregame at Steve-O's, sanctuary, gypsy bar, archstone drinking, sleep
Saturday - Woke up early Saturday and decided to go to the gym with my roommate Jon. I realized that my body was starting to look as nasty as my face so I knew I needed a workout. We both have memberships at Boston Sports Club (BSC), which is cool because there are a bunch of them near where we live. So we ended up going to the BSC in the South End, which I am completely regretting at this point. Why you might ask? Well, number one, the gym facilities weren't that great (everything was packed in close). And number two, there were guys staring at me. Just for clarification, they weren't staring at me because my body is a work of art. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, let's put it this way. There's a lot of people living in the South End whose favorite color is the rainbow. Listen, I'm not homophobic, but I get uncomfortable when people are looking at me with those "I wanna fuck you in the ass" type eyes. I will say it once and for all. MY ASS IS AN EXIT ONLY. Thank you. Again, I have no problem with gay people. I work with gay people, I'm not against civil unions (I'm not for it either, I just don't care either way), and I have friends who are gay. The only thing I have a problem with is a dick in my ass. Again, thank you. Moving on.
So we went to Foxwoods later on that evening, which clearly is an indication that I lost money that day. We get there, and I immediately start ordering tons and tons of drinks. I mean, hey, they're free! Plus, I knew I'd lose at least 100 bucks so I figured I'd counter that by drinking at least 100 dollars worth of booze. Yeah, that's good logic until you get drunk and lose 300 dollars over the course of the night. Everyone lost money that night except mister birthday boy. Yeah, Steve-O somehow won a bunch of money on Sic Bo, which is kinda like a Chinese version of roulette. I ended up falling asleep watching Jon's cousin Amy play video poker, ended up meeting up with big Frank Cho and crew, then went home at 3ish.
Sunday - Sunday, by tradition, is designated as a recovery day. The idea is to lay around and do nothing all day. And by nothing, I mean watch football and eat. So that's basically what we did until dinner time, which consisted of us going to KFC in Dorchester and debating back and forth on whether we should get a bucket of chicken and large sides or if we all should each get the Guitar Hero Fully Loaded Box Meal. For the record, I voted for the Guitar Hero option. I lost. But in the end, everyone lost because we all had diarrhea after eating. And that was the last thing I remember from this past weekend: diarrhea.
Before we move to the topic of the day/week/month/year/decade/century, I'd like to let everyone know that they need to be careful in this cold, virus-infested weather. You don't want to get a stuffy nose because if you do, you may need to use this gadget:
This video is just way too funny.
Okay, topic time:
Going to the Casino vs. Going to the Strip Club
I'd like to make some arguments about the positives and negatives of each and then come to a decision as to which is the most bang for the buck. Since I just used the word "bang" in the previous sentence, I'm sure most of you are assuming I'm going to pick the strip club as a better choice for entertainment. You may be right, you may be wrong. Read on to find out.
I know it's tough to make every weekend an interesting weekend. As many of you have experienced, going to bars/clubs just isn't cutting it anymore. I mean, it's cool when it's someone's birthday or if there is some type of special event going on, but for the most part, going to bars/clubs is getting old. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need something different to do to spice up our lives a little bit. I'm not telling you to go to a museum or read a book or do anything crazy like that. I'm also not telling you to specifically go to the casino or to a strip club, although I am providing it as an option in case you have nothing better to do. These two options should be a last resort when deciding what to do on any given night. If you are bored and your first instinct is either of these two places, you have a problem.
What this piece is about is the pros and cons of each, and my recommendation as to which is better. And if this leads to your Friday/Saturday night plans, then don't blame me if you wake up next week broke and with various STDs. Here we go.
Going to the casino is a fun time. Not only can you make tons of money, but you also get free drinks, you accrue points on your card that can be used at various restaurants/shops, and there's always hot chicks there trying to pick up a sugar daddy. Getting really drunk and winning tons and tons of chips is something that should be everyone's God given right. If you are the recipient of everything I just listed, then you are bound to have a good night.
On the flip side, going to the casino may cause you to lose a shitload of money. This is the only direct negative of going to the casino. Now, let's say you go home to your wife or significant other and tell her/him that you just lost a shitload of money. Well, the indirect result of losing money could cause an argument, followed by a hissyfit, followed by a break up, followed by getting drunk and hooking up with a blow-up doll. Now this isn't a likely scenario, but IT COULD HAPPEN. Think about it. Now that would be a bad night.
Like going to the casino, going to the strip club is also a fun time. There are so many more PROs and so many more CONs, so I will do this analysis in list form.
The PROs of going to a strip club include:
- boobs in your face
- vagina in your face
- ass in your face
- ass in your lap
- good fake conversation
- sexual favors (you can pay for this at some strip clubs)
- good music
- 2 for 1 lap dances (sometimes with a free t-shirt!!!!)
Here are some CONs:
- lap dances are expensive
- drinks are expensive
- the guy who DJs and announces the next girl on stage is always annoying
- the bathrooms are disgusting
- you don't want to shake anyone's hand because it may have been in their pants doing the tug-o-war
- lap dances are a tease
- sometimes the girls get in the way of ESPN Sportscenter highlights (this really isn't a CON)
Conclusion & Recommendation
It appears that going to the strip club is indeed the better choice. For these reasons:
- While making money at the casino is fantastic, you're probably gonna spend the money on a hooker or trying to impress a chick at a bar/club anyway, so why not just spend it at the strip club to begin with and not risk losing that money at the casino?
- Isn't money the dirtiest thing in the world anyway? You know how many peoples' body parts have touched that shit? You should want to give it away. And there's no better way to give money away than by making it rain or getting a lap dance.
- Why even take a chance of being rejected by a girl at a casino (or a bar/club) when you can go to a strip club and have the girls automatically flock to you? Granted, they are only making fake conversation with you to steal your money, but hey, isn't every chick? I am sorta kidding on this one. Any ladies who are reading this, I'm sorry, but it's not like you were gonna hook up with me anyway so I guess I'm not sorry hahaha.
- Every guy's favorite TV show is probably Sportscenter on ESPN. Now we guys don't like being interrupted while watching Sportscenter, but if that "interruption" happens to be a naked chick walking by the TV next to the stage, I can't really complain. And yes, this opinion is from a direct, personal experience.
I have rambled on way too long and I don't even know if anything I typed made any sense. Long story short, if you are bored and need to decide whether to go to a casino vs. a strip club, my recommendation is the strip club. But again, I stress that these two places should be your last resort. Please make every attempt to exhaust all other options before succumbing to the infamous stripper perfume (all strippers smell the same).
I'm posting a new poll by the end of the week. It may or may not have anything to do with what I just posted. Remember, I can do whatever I want because as the URL says "andrewchanrules"...
Monday, November 17, 2008
*Attention*
Due to my basketball game tonight and this new concept called "work", I am unable to post a recap from this past weekend until tomorrow at the earliest. However, I did have time to add a video widget on the right side of the screen. Please enjoy some Family Guy Videos, as it may ease some disappointment from my lack of posting on a Monday, which is the perfect day to waste away reading some idiot's blog (me being that idiot). Thank you.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Pre-weekend post
Sorry for mentioning it again, but this is a reminder that there is only 1 day left to vote on the shit poll (see poll on right). According to the results up to this point, we have 17 people who voted. Apparently, most people crap between 2-3 times per day. I guess that seems about right. We shall see how things stand when the polling is complete. I am very happy that 23% of the voters are just flat out "disgusting". This warms my heart.
Here's a little recap as to how my week has gone so far (since the last post):
Monday - went to the Celtics/Raptors game. For the first 2.5 quarters, this game was a pile of ass. We were playing like shit, and the Raptors had every opportunity to put us away, but just wouldn't. Then the Celtics bench started contributing and cut the lead before PAUL PIERCE decided to transform into Superman (as KG said) and carry the team on his back for 22 points in the 4th quarter. I was jumping up and down like a little school girl. The Truth is definitely a top 5 NBA player. This is non-debatable. Just watch the video...
Tuesday - had the day off from work. Yes, I work for the State Government. Yes, I know I'm an ass for getting 13 holidays per year. And yes, I know you all wish you were just like me. Bottom line is, no one can be like me. You know, it's amazing how productive I can be when I put my mind to it. I managed to vacuum the entire condo, do 2 loads of laundry, clean my room, go to the gym, and go grocery shopping all before noontime. I'm not trying to big myself up here, but I guess what I'm really trying to say is: I AM AWESOME.
Wednesday - I'm skipping all the way to post-work events because nothing good happened while I was at work, other than me eating a BLT and a bowl of chicken, ziti, and broccoli for lunch, which then led to a brown river coming out of my rear end 15 minutes later. Met up with my friend Ashley (aka the new American citizen) after work. She had just finished her oath and all that paperwork to complete the naturalization process. A big congrats goes out to Ashley. Apparently there were about 2000 people all taking the oath for citizenship. So that means there's 2000 more people who could potentially run against me for Governor of Massachusetts in a few years.
Steve-O came over later for dinner. My roommate Jon and I have decided to start cooking again, for these reasons:
This got me to thinking about when it is appropriate to go to the strip club and when it isn't appropriate to go. Here are my findings:
Appropriate times to visit the S-club:
Inappropriate times to visit the S-club:
Fortunately for Steve-O, he met the criteria of birthday celebration (his own) and it happened to be on his way home. I, on the other hand, was bored, looking for a girlfriend, broke, and gay, so I have no idea what the hell I was doing there!
Big shout out to Steve-O. Birthday weekend starts tonight and ends sometime Sunday morning. Someone's getting pregnant this weekend! I'll be back next week with a recap and a new poll.
FYI, please submit any and all ideas for future blog posts and/or poll ideas. If the traffic to this site becomes substantial, I will frequently allow the audience to pick (via poll) which topic they want to hear about on a given week. Thanks.
Here's a little recap as to how my week has gone so far (since the last post):
Monday - went to the Celtics/Raptors game. For the first 2.5 quarters, this game was a pile of ass. We were playing like shit, and the Raptors had every opportunity to put us away, but just wouldn't. Then the Celtics bench started contributing and cut the lead before PAUL PIERCE decided to transform into Superman (as KG said) and carry the team on his back for 22 points in the 4th quarter. I was jumping up and down like a little school girl. The Truth is definitely a top 5 NBA player. This is non-debatable. Just watch the video...
Tuesday - had the day off from work. Yes, I work for the State Government. Yes, I know I'm an ass for getting 13 holidays per year. And yes, I know you all wish you were just like me. Bottom line is, no one can be like me. You know, it's amazing how productive I can be when I put my mind to it. I managed to vacuum the entire condo, do 2 loads of laundry, clean my room, go to the gym, and go grocery shopping all before noontime. I'm not trying to big myself up here, but I guess what I'm really trying to say is: I AM AWESOME.
Wednesday - I'm skipping all the way to post-work events because nothing good happened while I was at work, other than me eating a BLT and a bowl of chicken, ziti, and broccoli for lunch, which then led to a brown river coming out of my rear end 15 minutes later. Met up with my friend Ashley (aka the new American citizen) after work. She had just finished her oath and all that paperwork to complete the naturalization process. A big congrats goes out to Ashley. Apparently there were about 2000 people all taking the oath for citizenship. So that means there's 2000 more people who could potentially run against me for Governor of Massachusetts in a few years.
Steve-O came over later for dinner. My roommate Jon and I have decided to start cooking again, for these reasons:
- It's cheaper
- It's healthier
- It's getting colder outside
- We now use the dishwasher, instead of fighting over who's doing dishes
- We're both sick of dropping deuces in restaurants
This got me to thinking about when it is appropriate to go to the strip club and when it isn't appropriate to go. Here are my findings:
Appropriate times to visit the S-club:
- If you are attending a bachelor party
- If you are attending a birthday celebration
- If you're drunk and it happens to be on the way home
- If there's nowhere else showing the game (Celtics/Red Sox/Patriots/*cough* Bruins)
Inappropriate times to visit the S-club:
- If you are bored
- If you are looking for a girlfriend
- If you are broke
- If you are gay
Fortunately for Steve-O, he met the criteria of birthday celebration (his own) and it happened to be on his way home. I, on the other hand, was bored, looking for a girlfriend, broke, and gay, so I have no idea what the hell I was doing there!
Big shout out to Steve-O. Birthday weekend starts tonight and ends sometime Sunday morning. Someone's getting pregnant this weekend! I'll be back next week with a recap and a new poll.
FYI, please submit any and all ideas for future blog posts and/or poll ideas. If the traffic to this site becomes substantial, I will frequently allow the audience to pick (via poll) which topic they want to hear about on a given week. Thanks.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Shit Poll, Weekend Recap and Other Thoughts...
There's only 4 more days left to vote on how many times per day you crap (see poll on the right). For the record, I am one of the people who clicked on "I am disgusting". Just thought you'd like to know that. On to the weekend recap...
I went to this restaurant/lounge/bar place called 28 Degrees on Friday. Apparently, they have $1 oysters from 5-7PM everyday. It's still a little pricey, but compared to the regular price ($2.75 per fuckin oyster!!!), it's a steal. I ate 18 oysters. They come out on trays filled with ice to keep 'em nice and cool, and provide you with cocktail sauce and 2 other sauces. Plus Tabasco sauce if you want. It was very classy the way they handled it. I wasn't very classy in the way I consumed it. The oysters were very good. I would definitely go back there again. Who wants to go? In case you were wondering, no I did not deuce in the bathroom there. I could've eaten 50 oysters no problem. If I did, then yes I would have deuced in the bathroom there.
Saturday, watched college football in my underwear at home, then went to eat Pho (vietnamese noodle soup) with Steve-O, then went to Cat/Jerry's for our softball team's end of the season get together where it was good food and good times as usual. I will not disclose our plans for the Typhoon 2009 season, but we do have something up our sleeves. By the way, I did not eat Pho or go to Cat/Jerry's in just my underwear. That was only done at home. I feel like I need to clarify this before someone thinks I'm disgusting. Well, if you don't think I'm disgusting, read the post below this and I'm sure you will... Ended the night at Gypsy Bar for Emilie's birthday. Big shout out to Emilie. HAPPY BDAY!
On Sunday, I had to wake up ridiculously early for flag football. Whoever decided to schedule a doubleheader starting at 8am should be shot, or at least violated in some way. Well, I take that back. We won both games, which kept us in the playoff hunt. Plus, G-Money got under Commish's skin and we almost duked it out. So I guess it wasn't a bad day after all. I love the intensity. Look at this ferocious D (This is a pic from last week's game. This week's photos haven't been posted):
Yeah, I'm the guy with the white cap chasing after the QB. And yes, I probably have the smallest penis on the field. Thank you.
I'd like to move on now to my "topic of the day/week/month/year/decade/century". If I post another entry tomorrow, then this becomes topic of the day. If I only post another entry next week, then it becomes topic of the week, and so on and so forth. You never know, I might not post another entry for another century. Like Kevin Garnett said: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!! Onto the topic...
The Napoleon Complex (also known as short man syndrome)
I'd like to give you some background as to what this is:
According to Wikipedia, Napoleon complex is a colloquial term describing an alleged type of inferiority complex which is said to affect some people who are physically short. The Napoleon complex is named after French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. The conventional wisdom is that Napoleon overcompensated for his short height by seeking power, war and conquest.
According to UrbanDictionary, Napoleon complex is a personality complex that consists of power trips and false machismo to make up for short height and feelings of inferiority.
There are reports that try to debunk this theory that short men are more aggressive than their taller counterparts saying that, in fact, taller people are more aggresive . I believe this is false.
Reason being: I HAVE THE NAPOLEON COMPLEX.
I've always wondered why I have such an explosive temper sometimes. I thought it was because I wasn't loved enough, or wasn't paid attention to enough, or wasn't treated right because I was an Asian boy growing up in an all white town. But now I've found the reason. It's because I'm short!
For example, when I play basketball, I don't bother boxing out for a rebound. I just push people who are bigger than me out of the way so I can get the ball. In football, I talk smack to the receiver and the quarterback after I break up or intercept a pass just to let them know not to pick on me. I might be short, but I am not to be fucked with. Those suckers we played yesterday learned that lesson (see, there goes my Napoleon complex!).
I like to feel like I'm in control of a situation, and when I'm not, I lash out so I don't feel inferior or weak. I guess it can be compared to kicking someone's ass the first day you arrive in prison. You need to let people know that you ain't fuckin around, because if you don't, you are gonna get a big black cock in your ass. I don't want a big black cock in my ass.
I make very rash decisions and act without thinking. But hey, at least I didn't make dumb decisions like these people:
Napoleon Bonaparte (between 5'2" and 5'6") - French emperor - attempted to invade and take over all of Europe
Joseph Stalin (5'4") - Dictator of the Soviet Union - launched the Great Purge
Josef Goebbels (5"5") - Hitler's Minister of Propaganda and Public Enlightenment - a mastermind of the Holocaust
So I guess what I'm saying is: if I'm not killing people or breaking the law, I think we all can live with me having the Napoleon complex. Everyone needs a little psycho in them (Those guys I mentioned above are not a little psycho. They are a LOT psycho). It makes life interesting. I don't know if what I typed even makes sense, but I'm glad I was able to dump it all into a post.
Haha he said "dump"...
I went to this restaurant/lounge/bar place called 28 Degrees on Friday. Apparently, they have $1 oysters from 5-7PM everyday. It's still a little pricey, but compared to the regular price ($2.75 per fuckin oyster!!!), it's a steal. I ate 18 oysters. They come out on trays filled with ice to keep 'em nice and cool, and provide you with cocktail sauce and 2 other sauces. Plus Tabasco sauce if you want. It was very classy the way they handled it. I wasn't very classy in the way I consumed it. The oysters were very good. I would definitely go back there again. Who wants to go? In case you were wondering, no I did not deuce in the bathroom there. I could've eaten 50 oysters no problem. If I did, then yes I would have deuced in the bathroom there.
Saturday, watched college football in my underwear at home, then went to eat Pho (vietnamese noodle soup) with Steve-O, then went to Cat/Jerry's for our softball team's end of the season get together where it was good food and good times as usual. I will not disclose our plans for the Typhoon 2009 season, but we do have something up our sleeves. By the way, I did not eat Pho or go to Cat/Jerry's in just my underwear. That was only done at home. I feel like I need to clarify this before someone thinks I'm disgusting. Well, if you don't think I'm disgusting, read the post below this and I'm sure you will... Ended the night at Gypsy Bar for Emilie's birthday. Big shout out to Emilie. HAPPY BDAY!
On Sunday, I had to wake up ridiculously early for flag football. Whoever decided to schedule a doubleheader starting at 8am should be shot, or at least violated in some way. Well, I take that back. We won both games, which kept us in the playoff hunt. Plus, G-Money got under Commish's skin and we almost duked it out. So I guess it wasn't a bad day after all. I love the intensity. Look at this ferocious D (This is a pic from last week's game. This week's photos haven't been posted):
Yeah, I'm the guy with the white cap chasing after the QB. And yes, I probably have the smallest penis on the field. Thank you.
I'd like to move on now to my "topic of the day/week/month/year/decade/century". If I post another entry tomorrow, then this becomes topic of the day. If I only post another entry next week, then it becomes topic of the week, and so on and so forth. You never know, I might not post another entry for another century. Like Kevin Garnett said: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!! Onto the topic...
The Napoleon Complex (also known as short man syndrome)
I'd like to give you some background as to what this is:
According to Wikipedia, Napoleon complex is a colloquial term describing an alleged type of inferiority complex which is said to affect some people who are physically short. The Napoleon complex is named after French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. The conventional wisdom is that Napoleon overcompensated for his short height by seeking power, war and conquest.
According to UrbanDictionary, Napoleon complex is a personality complex that consists of power trips and false machismo to make up for short height and feelings of inferiority.
There are reports that try to debunk this theory that short men are more aggressive than their taller counterparts saying that, in fact, taller people are more aggresive . I believe this is false.
Reason being: I HAVE THE NAPOLEON COMPLEX.
I've always wondered why I have such an explosive temper sometimes. I thought it was because I wasn't loved enough, or wasn't paid attention to enough, or wasn't treated right because I was an Asian boy growing up in an all white town. But now I've found the reason. It's because I'm short!
For example, when I play basketball, I don't bother boxing out for a rebound. I just push people who are bigger than me out of the way so I can get the ball. In football, I talk smack to the receiver and the quarterback after I break up or intercept a pass just to let them know not to pick on me. I might be short, but I am not to be fucked with. Those suckers we played yesterday learned that lesson (see, there goes my Napoleon complex!).
I like to feel like I'm in control of a situation, and when I'm not, I lash out so I don't feel inferior or weak. I guess it can be compared to kicking someone's ass the first day you arrive in prison. You need to let people know that you ain't fuckin around, because if you don't, you are gonna get a big black cock in your ass. I don't want a big black cock in my ass.
I make very rash decisions and act without thinking. But hey, at least I didn't make dumb decisions like these people:
Napoleon Bonaparte (between 5'2" and 5'6") - French emperor - attempted to invade and take over all of Europe
Joseph Stalin (5'4") - Dictator of the Soviet Union - launched the Great Purge
Josef Goebbels (5"5") - Hitler's Minister of Propaganda and Public Enlightenment - a mastermind of the Holocaust
So I guess what I'm saying is: if I'm not killing people or breaking the law, I think we all can live with me having the Napoleon complex. Everyone needs a little psycho in them (Those guys I mentioned above are not a little psycho. They are a LOT psycho). It makes life interesting. I don't know if what I typed even makes sense, but I'm glad I was able to dump it all into a post.
Haha he said "dump"...
Friday, November 7, 2008
A Bunch of Shit to Talk About
Yeah, I just dropped a deuce at my office. While I was sitting on the porcelain goddess, I got to thinking about how much I actually crap on any given day. This is what I concluded:
Without fail, I always take a crap when I wake up. That's automatic. I'm not even sure there's been a day in my life in which this didn't occur. It must be because it's been brewing for 8 hours or so while I'm sleeping. So if we're keeping track here, that's 1 deposit. At work, I probably defecate at least 3 times per day. If you think that's a lot, well I'm at work for roughly around 8 hours per day and I eat a couple of meals while I'm there. Plus, my body works on an input/output cycle. Every time something is input into my body (i.e. eating something), something must be output (i.e. DEUCE!). I would imagine other people are like this as well. Or maybe I'm just different. Anyway... So the new, updated count is at 4 shits & giggles so far. One at home and three at work.
Once I get home from work, I get situated, watch some TV, have some dinner, and there we go again. Remember: dinner = input, and input = output. This, in a way, can be explained by Newton's Laws of Motion. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Action = input, reaction = output. Action = eating, reaction = crapping. According to the official stat keeper, that's 5 deuces. Some nights I deuce again, but some nights I don't, so I guess we'll estimate my daily crap total to roughly 5.5 times per day. Is this too high, too low, or just right? I'm interested in hearing other people's war stories and opinions on this matter.
But before I open this up for discussion, I'd like to talk about a day I had last week, which I'd like to call "D-Day". Somehow, I managed to shit 13 times in one day. This is not a lie. It was actually on Halloween Day. I went to the Kells the night before and had been drinking a bunch all night, and I went to bed with a stomach ache. Well, that ended up causing me to wake up 6 times during the course of the night to crap. It was diarrhea central up in that place. So for a formal tally, that's 6 shits BEFORE going to work. I went to work, still had the stomach ache, and shit 5 more times there.
Best part about it was that I excused myself from a meeting at work to "make a phone call". Unbeknownst to them, I was actually in the bathroom ripping myself a new one. Okay, so if you've been paying attention, that's 11 deuces by the time I left work. Tack on a couple more that evening and we were able to achieve a milestone of 13 disgusting acts in one day. So what does that all mean? There needs to be some type of theory to explain this. Well, I've thought of one.
According to the Pythagorean Theorem:
For the interests of this post, we'll read this theorem as "a deuce + b deuce = c deuce". Just because it sounds funny...
My new theorem, the CRAPythagorean Theorem, is a little different. It is as follows:
a = number of home deuces
b = number of work deuces
c = anal status
According to my new theorem, my day of infamy can be represented this way:
a = 8 home deuces
b = 5 work deuces
So the CRAPythagorean Theorem reads:
a deuce + b deuce = c the doctor IMMEDIATELY.
So I guess the moral of the story is that I need to get my ass checked out so I can dump correctly.
Haha he said "dump"...
Without fail, I always take a crap when I wake up. That's automatic. I'm not even sure there's been a day in my life in which this didn't occur. It must be because it's been brewing for 8 hours or so while I'm sleeping. So if we're keeping track here, that's 1 deposit. At work, I probably defecate at least 3 times per day. If you think that's a lot, well I'm at work for roughly around 8 hours per day and I eat a couple of meals while I'm there. Plus, my body works on an input/output cycle. Every time something is input into my body (i.e. eating something), something must be output (i.e. DEUCE!). I would imagine other people are like this as well. Or maybe I'm just different. Anyway... So the new, updated count is at 4 shits & giggles so far. One at home and three at work.
Once I get home from work, I get situated, watch some TV, have some dinner, and there we go again. Remember: dinner = input, and input = output. This, in a way, can be explained by Newton's Laws of Motion. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Action = input, reaction = output. Action = eating, reaction = crapping. According to the official stat keeper, that's 5 deuces. Some nights I deuce again, but some nights I don't, so I guess we'll estimate my daily crap total to roughly 5.5 times per day. Is this too high, too low, or just right? I'm interested in hearing other people's war stories and opinions on this matter.
But before I open this up for discussion, I'd like to talk about a day I had last week, which I'd like to call "D-Day". Somehow, I managed to shit 13 times in one day. This is not a lie. It was actually on Halloween Day. I went to the Kells the night before and had been drinking a bunch all night, and I went to bed with a stomach ache. Well, that ended up causing me to wake up 6 times during the course of the night to crap. It was diarrhea central up in that place. So for a formal tally, that's 6 shits BEFORE going to work. I went to work, still had the stomach ache, and shit 5 more times there.
Best part about it was that I excused myself from a meeting at work to "make a phone call". Unbeknownst to them, I was actually in the bathroom ripping myself a new one. Okay, so if you've been paying attention, that's 11 deuces by the time I left work. Tack on a couple more that evening and we were able to achieve a milestone of 13 disgusting acts in one day. So what does that all mean? There needs to be some type of theory to explain this. Well, I've thought of one.
According to the Pythagorean Theorem:
For the interests of this post, we'll read this theorem as "a deuce + b deuce = c deuce". Just because it sounds funny...
My new theorem, the CRAPythagorean Theorem, is a little different. It is as follows:
a = number of home deuces
b = number of work deuces
c = anal status
According to my new theorem, my day of infamy can be represented this way:
a = 8 home deuces
b = 5 work deuces
So the CRAPythagorean Theorem reads:
a deuce + b deuce = c the doctor IMMEDIATELY.
So I guess the moral of the story is that I need to get my ass checked out so I can dump correctly.
Haha he said "dump"...
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Welcome to my blog!
I don't know if many of you remember the "Xanga" days, but I used to post entries on a pretty regular basis. I've gotten away from that for almost 2 years now, but I think it's time to start it up again. Just a little FYI: there will be serious posts and there will be a LOT of dumb posts. Bear with me as I begin another quest to dump everything out of my brain.
Haha he said "dump"...
Haha he said "dump"...
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