Friday: I woke up Friday morning sick as shit, probably because my immune system was beaten down worse than Jenna Jameson's pussy. It's amazing how I get sick considering I only drink heavily, stay up really late on weekends, and walk home from places in the rain. So naturally, I went to work to try to spread it to as many people as I could. Unfortunately, my plan was foiled because everyone else was either sick or working from home that day. After work, I picked up some of those vitamin C cough/throat drops, as well as a box of Theraflu, so I could try to nurse myself back to health. It wasn't happening. I apparently was in FULL BLOWN COLD MODE. After suffering through the first set of Sweet 16 games, I decided to go to the bullpen and call in Nyquil for relief at around 10PM. Half an hour later, I was unconscious. Solid Friday night.
Saturday: Woke up around 7:30AM with the infamous "Nyquil hangover". You all know that feeling. You wake up, you have no idea where you are, and you are groggy for another 5 hours. Best feeling in the world. After breakfast, Jimbo, Frank, and I headed down to Riverside, RI for this year's Fantasy Baseball Draft held at Dodson's place (one of Jimbo's longtime friends). We showed up a little early because when we got there, no one was home. They were picking up food/beer for the event. I, unfortunately, had to take a leak so I walked around the corner to go pee in the bushes, but there happened to be an old lady sitting in her backyard looking at me. So I bit the bullet and waited the 20 minutes for Dodson to show up. After we got inside (and after I took an Austin-Powers-unfreezing-process-type leak), we set up shop, ate food, drank beer and got the draft started shortly before 1PM. For the record, there were Red Sox fans and Yankees fans all in the same room at the same time not killing each other. The Palestinians and Israelis should follow our lead.
We will duke it out during the season, but not during the draft.
The draft went pretty smoothly, and by "smoothly" I mean that there were some logical picks, some boneheaded picks, some people took forever to make their picks (ahem, Frank), and there's always the inevitable "trying to draft someone who was already taken over 10 rounds earlier" occurrence. I think that happened with me thinking that Brian McCann was still available in the 16th round even though someone grabbed him in the 5th or 6th round. Oops. One other thing. I was attempting to do a running blog of what was transpiring at the draft, but I just couldn't keep up with the material and make logical draft picks at the same time, so I had to scrap that idea. Maybe next time...
Hey Mr. Wright, I am counting on you this year. I'll worry about the bunnies. You worry about baseball. Thanks.
The draft ended at around 6PM, so it took about 5+ hours to complete this fiasco. That's about an average amount of time, considering there were breaks after the 8th round, 12th round, and 18th round (and it also seemed like a break everytime Frank was choosing a player). All in all, the draft was great. Good people, good food, good drinks, good times. Big shout out to all the fellas, but especially to Dodson for hosting it again, Cons for setting the league up and volunteering to write all of the draft picks on the board, and Frank/Jim for driving.
As a post-draft ritual (that I am somewhat new to), we decided to hit up Foxwoods to try our luck with the gambling gods. We got there right around the tipoff time for the Pitt/Nova game and watched most of the first half from the center bar inside the new MGM Grand section at Foxwoods. At halftime, we decided to walk back over to the Grand Cedar gambling area and managed to hop in at a craps table. Now I know what you're all thinking (or maybe this is just what I'm thinking)... How fitting is it that a person like me is playing a game called "craps"? Well, apparently it was very fitting because we all left the table (3 hours later) with a good chunk of change. I think the fantasy baseball gods consulted with the gambling gods and decided to make our day a huge success.
Let's meet and have a ball. Yeah, let's live. For the wonder... of it all! Meet me at Foxwoods.
I forgot to mention that I was still sick the entire day, so in order to "cure" my sickness, I drank like 15-20 drinks at Foxwoods. I mean, c'mon, they're basically free so I had to. Plus, it's a great way to lose your senses and throw your money away at stupid bets. Dollar yooooo!
Like I always do, I passed out on the car ride back. When I woke up, we were in Chestnut Hill picking up Jim's car at Frank's place. To not be a complete asshole, I forced myself to stay awake while Jim was driving so that he'd have someone to talk to. Actually, I didn't really force myself to stay awake. I had to drop a massive deuce so the anxiety and uneasiness that was brewing in my pants is what really kept me awake. Plus, I sorta had the spins too from all of the alcohol. Jim finally dropped me off at home, after spending 15 minutes squeezing my asscheeks together, and I ran into the bathroom and almost pulled the trifecta of pissing, pooping, and puking all at the same time. For the record, I only managed to piss and poop at the same time, while dry heaving a couple of times. After I "unloaded", I washed up and went to bed, finishing off a solid day.
Sunday: woke up, watched Forrest Gump, made breakfast, sat on the couch all afternoon watching basketball, helped Jon vaccum the place, cleaned up some other shit, ate dinner, showered, watched Super Bad, then passed out.
Okay, so after 3 long days it appears that March Madness will resume tonight with four Sweet 16 games. I've posted my picks on the right column as usual. I won't be updating the results in real time this time because someone (and by someone, I mean ME) is going to the games tonight at the Garden. In case you didn't know, I'm kind of a big deal. That's why I get to go to all these sporting events. Actually, no. My coworker just happened to have an extra ticket.
But anyway, two things I want to talk about in regards to the tournament:
I've heard that they don't sell alcohol at all tournament venues. So essentially, if I want to get hamfaced tonight, I'm going to have to pregame or sneak a flask in with me. How stupid is this? This isn't high school basketball folks. They know everyone is going to be drunk anyway so why not capitalize on this and make some money. Obviously this is a NCAA rule and not a Banknorth Garden rule, which is dumb because if you want fans to be passionate, they need to be under the influence. That's just how it goes in today's society.
Before the tournament began, I made an agreement to hold off from shaving or getting a haircut until my pick to win it all (Pittsburgh) gets eliminated. Pitt is still in it and I still have not shaved or gotten a haircut (even though I needed a haircut before I agreed to this to begin with). So if Pitt happens to win tonight and on Saturday, it looks like I'll go another week looking like the caveman from those Geico commercials. I'm not going to lie, Pitt losing won't be such a bad thing since I'm getting disapproving looks from my superiors at work because of my appearance. However, I'm very competitive so I want Pitt to win even if it means making everyone who comes in contact with me as uncomfortable as possible. Long story short: I look disgusting.
I woke up Sunday morning slightly hungover from Saturday night's festivities. It was Jon's birthday outing the previous night so naturally, everyone got bombed. Eyewitness reports indicate that Jon was so drunk that he was spilling beer all over people. Another report indicates that one of his friends was kicked out of the bar for stealing food from other peoples' plates. As for me, I almost shit my pants in the bar, so Jon's cousin Amy (bless her soul) graciously decided to give me a ride home. This wasn't the last time Amy came through in the clutch. But anyway, back to Sunday morning.
I walked into Jon's room a little after 930am to find him still drunk from the night before and craving chicken feet (a dim sum item). I offer to go eat dim sum with him, but he refuses to leave his bed and wants to get take out dim sum. Getting take-out dim sum is like getting take-out pho noodle soup; it just doesn't seem right. So after haggling back and forth on dim sum for 15-20 minutes, a light bulb goes off in Jon's head. He remembered a conversation from the night before with Amy, who indicated that she's never eaten at Popeye's before. And what do you know? It just so happened to be Fried Chicken Sunday. The fact that I love soul food and the fact that I'm black from the waist down made it a no brainer for me to agree to this.
I'm not a fan of chicken feet.
At this point, it's about 10am and we're ready to roll out, until we realize that Popeye's doesn't even open until 11:30am. What a crock of shit. So we wait until a little after 11am, then we hop in my car and head to Kenmore Square. I was pretty excited but Jon was more excited than Steve-O at a strip club (or snowboarding, take your pick). So we pull up outside Popeye's shortly before 11:30am and I tell Jon that I'll wait in the car while he places the order, since there's no where to park. Jon then tells me to park on the side street. Again, there is no where to park. He then advises me to park in the Sovereign Bank parking lot, which is supposed to be for bank customers only. I say it's not a good idea. No problem he says, since we're only going to be in Popeye's for a few minutes. Reservedly, I oblige, but only because I want some fuckin fried chicken ASAP.
So we meet up with Amy and walk into Popeye's at 11:30am, which is the time they officially open, and they tell us that the chicken won't be ready for another 20 minutes. This was bad news #1. So as we're sitting there waiting for our order, I check up on my car every few minutes just to make sure everything is fine, which it is. Well, that is, until the 4th time I checked and noticed my car attached to a fuckin tow truck driving down the street. This is bad news #2. Finally, we get the chicken and it appears that they only have the "mild" flavor available, which is fuckin gay because I didn't even think Popeye's made that flavor. There was no cajun taste at all. This is bad news #3.
Tow truck, you got me this time!!!
There is some silver lining to this whole story though. Fortunately for Jon and I, Amy drove to Popeye's as well, so we were able to hitch a ride back home with her. Like I said, Amy coming through in the clutch again. Funny thing is, I left my parking lot driving my car and returned as a passenger in Amy's car. The parking attendants found it kind of funny. Actually, so did I.
Later on, Amy drove me to South Boston to pick up my car from this shady tow lot.
Damage: $112.07
And they only accepted cash and exact change. I thought I was going to get murdered. On the more positive note, we had people over later in the day to play poker and I was the big winner so I managed to offset most of the tow fee with my winnings.
Moral of the story: Do not listen to this man. AT ANY COST.
If any of you have ever played the game Cranium, you probably have an idea of what the term "Gnilleps" means. Well, even if you don't, it basically is "spelling" backwards. And that's exactly what the object of the task is all about. All you do is listen to the word on the card, then spell it backwards as a team one person/letter at a time. So for example, if it was me and another person and the word was "GO", I'd start with "O" and the other person would say "G". Simple enough, right?
Well we had a gem during yesterday's game over at the Met. In an effort to keep this person's identity anonymous, we'll just call him "F. Cho".
"F. Cho" had never played Cranium before, but somehow he knew all of the rules (or at least he acted like he did). Naturally, he broke every single rule in order to help his team and still managed to lose. There were a few classic outbursts during the game, all of which included various profanities along the lines of "FUCK!", "This is BULLSHIT!" and similar inappropriate comments everytime his team was wrong. I could not stop laughing at these outbursts and was hoping that his team would be incorrect everytime just to see what would happen next. To be fair, his team was correct a few times. But there was one shining moment he had during this wonderful afternoon.
"F. Cho's" team drew a yellow card from the Word Worm category, which just so happened to be a team Gnilleps challenge, so they were tasked with spelling the word "silicone" backwards. Like a prodigy child, "F. Cho" immediately gets all excited and decides to go first because he's so sure of himself here. And what happened next just floored the room...
"F. Cho" turns to his teammates, and with a sure fire attitude and sheepish grin, he confidently screams out the letter "N!!!!!!!!!!"
The entire room erupts in laughter and doesn't quiet down until... come to think of it. I think we're all still laughing. Nice job "F. Cho". You have provided us all with something to laugh about for at least the next year or so.
I wouldn't say that my bracket is busted at this point, but I am pretty concerned since I have Pitt winning the entire thing. They have looked shaky at best in the two games they have played.
If Pitt is going to win it all, Mr. Blair needs to steer the ship.
As you can see from my tourney picks, I didn't do too poorly over the last 4 days. My overall record in terms of wins/losses was 38-10. However, I did pick Arizona St. to upset Syracuse yesterday, which didn't happen, and I also had them picked to beat Oklahoma in the Sweet 16. Good thing James Harden showed up for the tournament. He decided to shoot 3-18 in the two games (against Temple and 'Cuse), while scoring a combined 19 points. Good thing he averaged 20 points per game during the regular season. Ass.
Way to ruin a portion of my bracket Mr. Harden.
So there goes one of my Elite 8 picks. The rest of my Elite 8 picks are still in tact (Pitt, Nova, UNC, Louisville, Kansas, UConn and Missouri) so I'm happy about that. Like I said before, Pitt looks shaky, Nova was shaky but righted the ship, same goes for UNC, Kansas, Louisville, and UConn. Missouri won a nail biter against Marquette yesterday because some meathead on Marquette got called for an inbounds violation with 5 seconds left and his team down 2. What a bonehead play. Not only did it screw him team over, but it also screwed over everyone who bet on Marquette. The line was Missouri -3, and that dumbo's mistake ended up giving Missouri the ball, Marquette fouled, and 2 free throws accounted for the final 4 point margin of 83-79. Instead of identifying and naming that bonehead, I will give you this picture instead.
Gooooo Missouri!!!!
A few other college basketball notes:
BC got smoked by USC, naturally
Syracuse looks very dangerous. I could actually see them winning it all
Could we see a final 4 of all Big East squads? I say yes
Blake Griffin is NASTY, even if he gets tons of superstar calls
Can Duke please lose already?
Same thing with Gonzaga
Michigan State won't win it all unless they bring back Mateen Cleaves and Mo Pete
Sorry to disappoint this chick but Michigan is advancing to the Sweet 16. I'm taking my 2 day winning streak and putting it all on Michigan +6.5. I fully expect Michigan to win but I'll gladly take the points as insurance.
Q's Lock of the Day: Michigan +6.5
By the way Wolverine fans - I still hate all of you...
‘Foxy Lady’ club in R.I. looks to fill openings in bad economy
PROVIDENCE, R.I. - Here’s a job opportunity you won’t need to buy a new wardrobe for.
Hoping to take advantage of Rhode Island’s floundering economy, owners of the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence plan to hold a job fair on Saturday.
They say they’re looking to fill around 30 positions, from strippers and waitresses to disc jockeys and bartenders, at that club and two others in Massachusetts.
“I need more managers, I need more competent staff, and I need more attractive waitresses to go along with the ones I have right now,” said co-owner Tom Tsoumas.
The naked truth is that Rhode Island’s economy is among the worst in the nation, with an unemployment rate of 10.3 percent in January.
The Providence club isn’t immune from the recession but is still drawing customers willing to drink and pay for lap dances, said manager Bob Travisono.
“It’s taken a hit,” he said. “It’s not as bad as restaurants and stuff like that. In times like this, they seem to drink their sorrows away.”
Tsoumas said he hopes some who might shun strip clubs when the economy is good might consider shedding their clothes now — or at least working as a floor host or bartender.
If you think I'm not applying for a job then you are crazy. I am 100% capable of being a disc jockey at a strip club. "Annnnnd up next on stage it's Mercedes!"
So it looks like I went 14-2 yesterday in my bracket. I was a couple of boneheads picks (Butler, BYU) away from living up to my prediction of picking every single game correctly. Well hey, I can't be perfect all of the time. I mean, c'mon, I'm human. I had Butler and BYU losing in the second round anyway.
These assholes love the fact that they ruined my 16-0 quest immediately.
I decided to put a picture up of the Butler team because they managed to ruin my quest for a 16-0 day as quickly as possible in the tournament (since they were the first game). I also chose not to post a picture of the BYU team because I didn't feel like looking at a bunch of Mormons who I'm jealous of because they all have like 7 wives or something. Those lucky bastards and their polygamy...
Yesterday was fun. I took the entire day off as I had a doctor's appointment in the morning to check out this rash I have. Apparently, I have a STD and I'm going to die in 6 months, so I better fuckin win this pick'em. Actually, no. My nickel allergy is flaring up again. Don't ask. So after my appointment, I went home and watched college hoop from noon until after 11pm. I ate really healthy too, as I had a whole deluxe pizza for lunch and fried dumplings for dinner. I basically ate like a fat person yesterday.
We have an interesting slate of games today, and hopefully none of my champion/final four/elite eight/sweet 16 picks goes down but that's obviously bound to happen. Like yesterday, my picks are posted on the right hand column.
I'm sure all of us are feeling the effects from the economy right now and could use some extra cash. Lucky for us though, Vegas decided to give us an absolute lay-up to kick off one of the greatest sporting events. Wazzou is only laying 6.5 to Mississippi State. Apparently gamblers are impressed by MSU's run through the weakest college hoops conference or they because Obama said the PAC-10 is in a down year. Who knows. But just know free money when you see it. I'm even coming out of retirement for this play.
The tournament is here folks and I am ready to win this year's pick'em pool. For those of you who want to join, we have a free pick'em league on Yahoo! Sports:
Group ID: 187332
Password: password
So join if you feel like you have a chance, but be prepared to get dominated. Let me give you all a hint on who's going to win the national championship. This is the team with the best name, the best jerseys, and the biggest male fan base in the country. They started off the season 0-6, lost to Louisville by 38 points, and pretty much lost to everyone else in the Ohio Valley Conference, but somehow managed to win their conference tournament (which gave them an auto bid), and ended the season with a 20-15 overall record. They've been through adversity and are about to prove everyone wrong, by not only beating Louisville, but by winning the entire thing. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about the one, the only: MOREHEAD STATE EAGLES!
These are the jerseys they'll be wearing to face Louisville
I will reveal my picks after the tournament begins (when everything is locked in) so you bitch asses don't steal my shit. I plan on getting EVERY SINGLE PICK correct this year. At last glance, we only had 6 people in the pick'em pool. Granted, we just created it last night at midnight, but whatever. Let's at least get 10 people and make it respectable. Holla.
Oh, in case you were wondering if Big Q is coming back today, I'm not even sure he's still alive so I guess we'll see what happens. He stuck to his guns and hasn't gambled since he indicated that he would stop. Impressive. I have a feeling he's going to come back with a bang today, making 10 mortal locks, losing all 10, and mushing the tournament hopes of fans all across the country.
Hey Big Q, where you at???
With the amount of college basketball on TV the next 4 days, don't expect to see me outside of my place in any social setting. I'm locking myself into the bunker and I ain't coming out until the Madness has ended! Well, unless some chick says "come over, I want to have sex with you". That seems to be the only plausible scenario that includes me leaving this place.
I will be back this afternoon to post all of my ridiculously amazing picks and laugh at all of you peons who will bow to me when all is said and done. Till then, happy hunting.
7:30PM - Celtics Game in luxury suite 634 (more beer)
10:00PM - Party Bus (even more beer and funny printout of AIM conversation)
11:00PM - Foxy Lady (more beer, plus tits and ass)
This looks exactly like the chick I got a lap dance from
Total damage: around $300.00, 30+ beers, and I smelled like strippers
Saturday - FBI stuff and Danny's bday
9:00AM - FBI Citizen Response Team seminar (still drunk from the night before)
12:00PM - grabbed food at Royal Palace (formerly Cindy's Planet)
1:00PM - afternoon siesta (aka passed the fuck out)
4:00PM - woke up, watched basketball, and ate dinner
8:00PM - started drinking again and watched World Baseball Classic
10:15PM - headed to Wonderbar for my cousin Danny's birthday celebration
2:00AM - New Golden Gate restaurant for late night eating
3:00AM - started tossing beers off of street signs in Chinatown due to drunkenness
3:15AM - had to drop a massive deuce, ran into the bathroom without closing the door, then this happened
When you gotta go, you gotta go...
Total damage: around $100.00, 10-15 drinks, and I smelled like Chinese food and ass
Sunday - St. Patty's Day Parade
9:00AM - got rudely awakened by my roommate and Big Wil/Anne to start drinking (almost punched Jon in the face)
10:00AM - finally rolled out of bed and cracked first beer
11:30AM - headed to Southie for drinkfest #1
1:00PM - headed to another place in Southie for drinkfest #2
4:00PM - ordered pizzas, ate my face off, then started to doze off on a couch
6:00PM - walked around for half an hour trying to find a cab back home
7:00PM - arrived, not at home, but at the Glass Slipper (gentlemen's club, WHAT A SURPRISE)
11:00PM - left the Glass Slipper, went to 7-11 and bought a gigantic vitamin water
11:30PM - got home and for some reason I watched the movie "Hitch" until 1AM and then passed out
read this article. hilarious!
Total damage: around $200.00, 20-25 drinks, and I smelled like shit (after someone farted on it)
Monday - work!
8:30AM - stumbled into work
5:00PM - stumbled out of work, went to the gym
6:30PM - met my roommate Jon at Penang for a "we're fuckin dehydrated, so we need something soupy" dinner.
7:30PM - got home, formulated snowboard plans for Tuesday with Scuba man
9-10PM - 24
I can't wait to kill Jon Voight in the season finale.
Total damage: around $10.00, 10-15 drinks (of water or tea), and I smelled half decent for once
Tuesday - Waterville Valley
6:00AM - woke up and called Steve-O to find out when we were leaving, went back to sleep
7:00AM - woke up again, made breakfast, got my gear in order
8:00AM - got picked up, headed to the mountain while drinking Monster energy drink
10:00AM - arrived at Waterville Valley, got suited up, picked up lift tickets, and hit up the ski lift
10:30AM - got on a snowboard for the second time ever (first time was a brief 1 hour trial where I got pissed off and went back to skis. this happened at a place called "Crotched" Mountain. no joke). went down a green trail, fell a bunch of times, but worked on some technique that Steve-O was teaching me
12:00PM - started to get the hang of it, minimized the amount of major face plants, even tried (unsuccessfully) going off a couple of jumps
1:30PM - broke for lunch
2:00PM - hit up the slopes again, made it 3/4 of the way down without falling, then took a huge spill and would've had a concussion if I didn't have a helmet on. This was one of those "face plant to 3 full body rotations to sliding 100 yards down the mountain" type falls
3:30PM - after a few more runs, was feeling relatively comfortable "carving" so I decided to hit a jump AND LANDED IT. I don't think you all know this, but I am fucking awesome. It took me basically 3-4 hours to learn how to carve and land jumps, whereas most of you pussies go months before you have enough balls enough to go off a jump.
4:30PM - left the mountain
6:30PM - arrived back in Boston, went to eat at Pho Hua
7:30PM - invaded the Cho Family Dinner at Penang (since I saw them eating there as I was walking home)
8:00PM - came home, washed up, watched a little tv and went to bed
I'm doing this next time.
Total damage: around $60.00, 5-10 mouthfuls of snow/ice, and roses really smell like poo poo
Didn't we just do this last month? Frankly, I'm getting pretty sick of Friday the 13th. Whoever came up with the "it's bad luck" theory is bullshitting everyone. Some guy obviously came home and his wife was banging the milk man and decided to declare Friday the 13th as a day of terror. See, this is dumb. He should've put a spin on it and turned it into a good luck day. It all has to do with how you look at it. I say look at it with a "glass is half full" mentality. It's similar to the person who said that if a bird poops on you it's good luck. The guy just got shit on, but decided to declare it good luck. GENIUS.
So with my theory of how Friday the 13th was originally established (wife banging the milk man = bad), I'd like to put a positive spin on it (wife banging the milk man = good) and declare Friday the 13th as:
Bang Someone Other Than Your Significant Other Day!
This is the message that the court essentially relayed after Madoff pleaded guilty to all 11 charges today:
All signs indicate that he will be spending the rest of his life in jail. On the bright side, he's already 70 years old so he'll probably be dead in less than 10 years anyway. I would imagine that tons of the clients that he stole millions from are already in contact with hundreds of inmates, offering to pay them large sums of money to fuck this guy's ass back into the Stone Age. If I was one of the guys Madoff screwed over, I'd pay an inmate to fuck him in the ass, then make him toss the inmate's salad, the have him suck the inmate's dick, and finish him off with a tea bag, a dirty sanchez, then a donkey punch. Just for shits and giggles, maybe make him give the inmate a blumpkin as well.
Please no. Anything but the blumpkin!!!
If you aren't familiar with the terms I just referenced, then Google 'em. You will be pleasantly amused.
Also, if any of you are trying to figure out how to be more productive at work, why don't you take a look at this "work pyramid" and try to mimic it for your own good (courtesy of holytaco.com):
Click on the picture if the font is too small to read.
You know, when I'm not working on a major project, this essentially is an exact capture of my work schedule. Wait, was I supposed to say that? Oops...
I've started to get over the jet lag from my trip to San Fran so I figured it's time to blog again. Looks like I haven't checked in for over 10 days. Oops. I don't think anyone is reading this anyway. Well, for the 2 people who actually are reading this blog, I'm sure you are interested in hearing about my little vacation.
Here's a little background information:
I went to SF from Wednesday March 4th and returned Monday morning (March 9th).
I traveled with my cousin Justin (aka J-Dogg, aka Mr. Rogers) and our friend Alfredo (aka Hitch, aka fettuccine Alfredo).
The total number of gay jokes and/or sexual related comments exceeded 1000.
We stayed with our buddies Ed (aka Edi), Eric (aka DJ Kest, aka Mr. Physical), Steve (aka Big Dil) and Krissi (no alias) who were all Boston transplants
Dave and Liz Wong (Ed's siblings who now live in San Diego and SF, respectively) joined in on some festivities, as well as Bernie "pants party" Tong who now lives in SF as well. All 3 were also Boston transplants.
Here goes...
Wednesday (March 4th) - I went to work from 8am-2pm and didn't really accomplish shit since I was too excited about my 6pm flight to the west coast. Naturally, this left me way behind on work when I came back home, but that's another story.
One quick note: as per my previous post, I actually registered two new domain names that redirect to this blog: www.andrewchanrules.com and www.lahpcheurng.com. We did this on Tuesday night (March 3rd) since Justin and I were bored and thought it'd be funny. That's the entire story. Contrary to popular belief, I am not gay. However, I do suck cock. Thank you.
Okay, so fast forwarding to the real story. We got to the airport around 4pm for our 6pm flight with the new Virgin America airlines. We chilled there, listened to music, grabbed some food and waited to board the flight. Naturally, the guy working the desk for the Boston to San Fran flight was more flaming than a Burger King broiled burger. But I guess I wasn't surprised. This seems like par for the course anyway. So we hopped on the plane at around 5:30 and expected to take off on time. This did not happen due to the weather. I'm not even talking about the weather in Boston because it was clear as hell. Apparently, it was raining in San Fran (6 hours away mind you) so they close down half the runways in SF, which obviously delays all flights from arriving due to HALF THE RUNWAYS BEING UNAVAILABLE. I'm not even sure why they do this, but all I can say is that it was pretty gay (no pun intended). It's raining, big fuckin deal. It's not like in Die Hard 2 when terrorists seized control of the airport tower and shut off all the runway lights. San Francisco, stop being pussies. That is all.
Yippee Kai Yay, San Francisco
Other than that minor delay, the rest of the flight experience was great. Virgin America airlines is cool as hell. Each seat comes with a touch screen personal entertainment center that allows you to listen to music, watch tv, order movies, follow the plane as it progresses through its flight, play games like DOOM, and order food/drinks. They even had movies like Slumdog Millionaire available to purchase. The lighting on the flight was pretty solid too. It was almost like a lounge in there, with soft, pleasing dim lights interchanging throughout the flight. Clearly, I was pretty occupied throughout the flight as I watched 3 hours of tv, purchased a 1 hour DL Hughley comedy show (for 3 bucks), and listened to music for another 2 hours. Don't get me wrong, 6 hours is a long time to be on a plane, but it still felt much quicker than your average flight.
We touched down in SF around 10:30pm (pacific time) and Ed came and picked us up. We went straight from the airport to eat at this place called BJ's. This is not a joke. The food was really good and NO I DID NOT ORDER A HOT DOG. After that, we went back and passed out at around midnight, which was essentially 3am eastern time.
Thursday (March 5th) - In the interests of not trying to translate everything into eastern time, I will now report everything in pacific time and expect for you to figure it out. Since my body was so used to waking up early for work to begin with, I automatically woke up at 430am which was completely retarded. I forced myself back to sleep and eventually had to get up for good at 630am. With everyone else sleeping, being the hero that I am, I decided to work out with the free weights that were in the living room. So as not to bore you, the rest of the morning consisted of making breakfast, showering, and taking the bus to downtown since Ed/Eric/Steve/Krissi had to work both Thursday and Friday.
Since Alfredo was the only one who hadn't been to SF before, we decided to do some of the touristy shit and went to Fisherman's Wharf. This is the area that has the tours to Alcatraz, the celebrity wax museum, tons of fresh seafood, and a bunch of shops. We walked around for a bit, then ended up at a wine shop called Wines of California and decided to chill out and do some wine tasting. So we ordered a pre-set wine tasting option, went to the outdoor patio, relaxed, drank up, talked and lived the good life. Our friend Bernie, also a Boston transplant, met up with us there and joined us for lunch at this place called Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. (named after characters from the movie Forrest Gump). We sat at a table overlooking the San Francisco Bay and destroyed various types of shrimp. The reason why I even bring this up is because Alfredo ordered a shitload of shrimp. Typically, this wouldn't be a story, but Alfredo is supposedly allergic to shrimp. He mentioned this before the order arrived and I was sitting there just waiting for his head to explode when he ate it. I looked like Jim Carrey in Dumb & Dumber right after Mental eats the burger filled with atomic peppers and starts to wig out.
It didn't happen. There was no allergic reaction. What a fuckin liar. He still claims he's allergic to shell fish but he ate like 2 pounds of shrimp and didn't have the slightest allergic reaction. I claim shenanigans. We later ended up at this bar called Harlot for some Natasha Bedingfield happy hour thing. If you're not sure who she is, watch this:
We liked her so much that we stayed for one song, then bounced. For dinner, we rallied the troops and went to eat tapas at this place called Cha Cha Cha. It was in a heavily Mexican populated area. This was good for me because I was actually taller than most of the people I came across. Now I know what it feels like to be taller than other people. It feels good. I should hang out with Mexicans from now on.
After dinner, we went to this bar that had an outdoor roof deck where we had some drinks, enjoyed the weather, and had some dessert. It started to get late, so like a bunch of pansies, we called it a night at around 11pm.
Friday (March 6th) - I woke up early again, 7am this time, and worked out again. Hey, I had to pass the time somehow. Justin and Alfredo were able to sleep in without a problem. After breakfast, Bernie came and picked us up and we were supposed to go downtown to watch The Watchmen in IMAX at this shopping/movie complex called The Metreon. Of course, we got there late so by the time we got into the theater, there were only front row corner seats available. Basically, we'd have to watch the movie looking diagonally straight up. So we said fuck it, left the theater and got our money refunded. It was actually a blessing in disguise because 1) I heard the movie wasn't that great anyway, and 2) It gave us an extra 3 hours to walk around, do some shopping, visit some bars, and people watch (which means "stare at chicks").
I bought two new pairs of jeans because apparently my jeans had a hole in them. Yes, in the rear end. I'm not sure if it was the effects of Alfredo's dick or Justin's, but there was a pretty big hole in the back of my jeans. Well, I solved that problem just in time because dinner was where this whole trip got weird for me. The Cali guys were telling us to go to dinner at this place called "Asia SF" because they indicated that there were hot asian chicks serving dinner and doing Coyote Ugly style dancing. At first, Justin, Alfredo and myself were super interested in going. That is, until we found out that those "hot asian chicks" were actually transvestites. I shit you not. At first, I thought it was kinda funny because they actually looked kinda like women, but the more I thought about it, the more weirded out I got. Ed's brother Dave and his sister Liz joined us for this debacle.
Hey Dave, you've got your hands wrapped around a guy
I don't even care if it was pre-op or post-op, the fact of the matter was, these chicks used to have dicks. That shit ain't my style. But hey, I gotta admit, it was strangely entertaining watching everyone else's reaction to what was going on.
After the dinner/show, I wasn't even sure if my penis was alive anymore so we went to a bar called Holy Cow to get some drinks, mingle with some ladies, and make sure we went to sleep without images of trannies in our heads. Without fail, I managed to spill an entire jack 'n coke on my brand new jeans. I am an idiot. Justin's friend Cathy came to meet up at Holy Cow with 3 of her girlfriends, who all happened to be sorority chicks from Syracuse University. They weren't that great looking. I wouldn't go as far as to say that we were like Lambda Lambda Lambda and the girls were like Omega Moo, but they weren't anything to write home about. Cathy was cool, the rest of these chicks were donkeys.
At 1:30am, they announced last call and turned the lights on at like 1:40am. I couldn't believe it. It was worse than Boston. At least Boston let's you hang around until 2am or a few minutes later. However, the silver lining to this was that I didn't feel like dealing with Omega Moo anymore so I was glad to be leaving.
Saturday (March 7th) - We woke up, ate breakfast, showered and headed out at around 10am. The plan was to head up north to Santa Rosa and the rest of "wine country". On the way up north, we stopped off at the Golden Gate Bridge and took some pictures and did other touristy type stuff. I'll post more pics when fettuccine Alfredo decides to upload them onto Facebook. I should probably buy a camera so I don't have to rely on other people's pictures to accentuate my blog posts. Hmm, maybe I'll do that someday.
Buy meeeeeeee!!!
Anyway, we made it up to Santa Rosa around noon, visited Ed's parents (who live there) and ate at some Chinese buffet for lunch. Oh, did I mention that Omega Moo was with us? Funny thing here. The waitor at the restaurant mentioned to Ed's Mom that the sorority chicks looked like frogs, to which she responded "well, none of them are going out with my kids" hahaha. Hey Justin/Alfredo, if you're reading this and were wondering why me and Dave were saying "ribbit" the rest of the trip, well this is why.
We ended up going to a couple wineries after to, naturally, do wine tasting. We started off at this place called St. Francis. We tried a bunch of red wines, and 1 or 2 white wines (chardonnay and some other shit). Same goes for the second winery we went to: Benziger. Both wineries were really nice in terms of how they presented the wine, as well as the scenary of the places. I could've sat there forever drinking wine and just relaxing outside. Unfortunately, we had a time limit as we needed to get back to SF and the wineries closed at 5pm anyway. One last thing about wine. I am definitely a red wine guy. It doesn't matter that red wine goes with red meat and white wine goes with chicken and pasta and shit like that. I would rather drink red wine over white wine regardless of what type of food I am eating. I think it's because I like looking at my ridiculous purple stained teeth after.
So we made it back to Ed/Steve/Eric/Krissi's place, relaxed for a bit, then headed to dinner at this Italian restaurant called "Little Henry's" that is apparently owned by Asian people. I ordered veal piccata and it came with stir fryed garlic string beans and carrots. Not your average italian meal, but hey, it tasted alright. I'm sure you're all wondering how I haven't mentioned shitting on this trip, well here it is.
After dinner, I had to drop a major deuce and it just so happens that the lady was in the process of cleaning the restroom (since it was almost closing time). So I interrupted her halfway through her cleaning process and proceeded to drop a major stink bomb in there. There was no air freshener (and no fan) by the way. So after I unloaded, I left the bathroom and she immediately walked back in to clean up. We didn't see her the rest of the evening so I'm fearful that she might actually be dead.
We ended up going to this bar/club called Mr. Smith's. No, it was not LL Cool J's bar. I immediately went in and ordered patron because I wanted to start the night off right. That, or I wanted to make sure I got blackout drunk. The place was pretty decent as there were two floors and it was pretty full of people. Only problem was, it was hot as shit on the bottom floor where we were dancing. It was so hot that I almost passed out a couple of times. So we did the usual, got drunk, danced with chicks, laughed at other people, and sweat our asses off. Dave decided to hit on a 20 year old girl and was dancing with her all night. Good for him. Hey Dave, she was better than the tranny hahaha. There were also indications that Bernie had some relations with one of the Omega Moos, but we're not sure if there was any mutual interest since he's unemployed. That's an inside joke.
After Mr. Smith's, we went to K-town for a late night meal. One of the Omega Moos decided to talk in Korean and act like she owned the place. I don't know if she was just drunk or just a stupid bimbo but it was annoying. Next thing I know, she's talking to all these other guys at a different table and giving out her number like she was giving out flyers. What a whorebag. I was actually getting tired and started to doze off at the table, so I was pretty excited when we finished eating and got the F outta there. Whorebag wanted to talk to some guys she just met so the fellas ditched Omega Moo and just went home.
That's Booger Prestley on the main guitar.
When we got home, the others somehow came up with this conclusion that I made out with one of the Omega Moos. I quickly denied all accusations but will concede to the fact that I was drunk and grinded with one of them, which may have been deemed as dry humping. That is all.
Sunday (March 8th) - woke up really late since we didn't go to sleep until after 5am. Everyone rolled out of bed around noontime, including Dave, who's flight was at 1:45. So he immediately got his shit together and headed to the airport by around 1pm. Being that it was our last day in SF, we wanted to check out this place called the Haight (pronounced "hate") District. Apparently it's just a long ass street that has tons of stores, boutiques, eateries, and bars but with somewhat of a punk theme. I can't even count the number of stores that sold drug paraphernalia and/or ridiculous t-shirts. It was a really cool place, and something that everyone should experience when they visit. It's kinda like a Newbury Street except minus all the glitz and glamour type shops.
Hey look, a smoke shop!
For dinner, we ended up eating at this place called Espetus, which was a Brazilian steakhouse. The food was unbelievable. If you've never been to one of these, basically, you sit there and the waitors just continue to pound you with rack after rack of meat until you beg for mercy. We had sirloin steak, flank steak, braised short ribs, shrimp, chicken hearts, pork, filet mignon, fried pineapple, the list goes on. And on top of that, we had dessert too. I was pretty fuckin full by the time dinner ended and all I wanted to do was relax. So we went back to the crib, opened up a bottle of wine, lit some cigars and sat on the roof just talking, passing the bottle, and smoking. What a perfect ending to the trip.
That is, until Ed accidentally inhaled the cigar, proceeded to choke and then ended up puking 4 times in a row. So much for the expensive Brazilian steakhouse meal haha. I shouldn't be laughing because I almost did the same thing 5 minutes earlier. I did everything except puke.
Stop inhaling cigars!
So after Ed regained his wits, he drove us to the airport for our flight. Apparently, Justin can't really handle a lot of alcohol and was somehow hungover by the time we got to the terminal. Bear in mind, he was hungover about 1 hour after we started drinking. I don't even know how this is possible, but it happened. Anyway, the flight home consisted of all of us passing out essentially the entire time. We took a red-eye that left at 10:45pm pacific time and got us back to Boston shortly before 7am eastern time. Somehow, I managed to gather the strength to shower once I got home, then proceeded to go to work since I had a mandatory training session to perform. I was not a happy camper Monday.
And that's my trip. I hope you enjoyed reading about it as much as I enjoyed living it.
Well I'm back from San Francisco. I'll post a detailed update sometime soon when I'm not jet lagged anymore. Sorry about the delay in posting. Not only was I out of town, but I was also lazy.
One final note. We have registered 2 new domain names to make it easier to access this site:
www.andrewchanrules.com - much easier than andrewchanrules.blogspot.com
www.lahpcheurng.com - anyone who speaks Cantonese will understand this (basically, it means "chinese sausage")
So yes, just type either of those into your browser and it will redirect you to this site.
We will duke it out during the season, but not during the draft.
Hey Mr. Wright, I am counting on you this year. I'll worry about the bunnies. You worry about baseball. Thanks.
Let's meet and have a ball. Yeah, let's live. For the wonder... of it all! Meet me at Foxwoods.
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