Tedy Bruschi is retiring today

After 13 years, Tedy Bruschi has decided to hang it up. Good for him. It's refreshing to see someone know when their time is up and call it a day, unlike some asshole who keeps retiring and un-retiring over and over again (read: Brett Fav-rah). By the way, I drafted Brett Favre on my fantasy team for comedic purposes. I did this because I wanted to see what it would be like to have a player retire in the middle of a season. Oh wait, I basically already experienced that when I drafted Troy Percival (the closer for the Rays) for my fantasy baseball team and that sucked. Brett Favre, you're a d-bag but you do keep things interesting. I can't wait for you to retire and then un-retire in the offseason once again.

Anyway, back to the man of the day. Tedy Bruschi, thank you for being an integral part of the Patriots' 3 super bowl winning teams. Thank you for being a constant reminder that people who have suffered strokes can make it back. And thank you for being smart and getting out of the league while you can still walk and lead a normal life.

14 down, 19 more to go

Raica Oliveira

The Red Sox completed a sweep of the Blue Jays today behind another pitching gem, this time by Paul Byrd who hasn't pitched in about a year. Once again, our offense was functioning on all cylinders and the pitching staff was lights out all game. Let's keep this going. Today's girl of the day is Raica Oliveira, one of Brazil's top models. I thought it was fitting since I went to eat at Cafe Brazil in Brighton tonight. By the way, there is a hot waitress who works there who barely speaks any English. I was so turned on.

13 down, 20 more to go

The Sox won another 1 run game against the Blue Jays tonight, 3-2. Clay Buchholz pitched a gem, going 8 and 1/3 innings of 3 hit ball. He was only charged a run because Okajima came in and served up 2 hits to 2 lefties, which ruined the shutout. Fortunately, Papelbon had his A game and finished up the game. And because of this, we bring you Steve-O's chick pick of the night: Kate Beckinsale!

12 down, 21 more to go

Alessandra Ambrosio

The Red Sox won the first of a 3 game set against Toronto last night. Good start to the series, but there are warning signs going off all over the place. Josh Beckett is clearly injured or something because he continues to get racked, allowing another 5 runs last night on a 3 run bomb and a 2 run homer. All of Toronto's runs came with 2 outs which is even more annoying. I think he'll bounce back but he looks horrible right now.

The Red Sox offense, however, continues to rake and come back from deficits which is a good sign since we had a two month period where our offense was nowhere to be found. Texas and Tampa Bay both lost, which adds another game to our wild card lead and Tampa Bay traded away Scott Kazmir to the Angels which should helps us even more. Speaking of Angels, how hot is Alessandra Ambrosio???

This is pretty cool

R.I.P.Ted Kennedy

You know me. I'm not a Democrat and I'm not a Republican. I'm just an asshole trying to make life interesting for you idiots at work who have nothing better to do than read my blog. So this is not a political post.

Regardless of your political affiliation, you've got to respect this story. As told by my friend's Dad:

Hi (name redacted),

I would like to share my gratitude to Senator with friends.

I would really like to sign the guest book to pay respect to Senator
Edward Kennedy. I feel that I owe him for his touch twice in my past.

First occasion was in September 1978, when I returned from Europe with my mother and sisters, received note from (wife) that she had permission to leave China to come to US, she was heading to meet me in Hong Kong. Expecting a long wait to get entry permit from Hong Kong US Consulate, I asked (name redacted) to get a letter from Senator Kennedy to expedite the process.

Unfortunately, after arriving Hong Kong, I discovered I had left the letter in Boston. Immediately, I asked my future brother in law, (name redacted), to put the letter in express mail to Hong Kong. The letter produced instant visa approval from the Consulate. While we were waiting, we met, for the first time, the future Mrs. (name redacted).

Few years later, (wife) graduated from ESL class in Hanscom Air Force Base, Senator Kennedy was there to personally present her with diploma.

The rest is history.

(My friend's Dad)

This is pretty cool huh? And to top it off, my friend's name is Edward. He was named after Senator Kennedy specifically because of this event.

I have a Twitter account

Okay, so for the past couple of weeks, I've been testing out Twitter just to see what it's all about. To me, it just seems like another outlet where I can tell people what I'm doing every 5 seconds. Well apparently, there's Twitter etiquette and some other bullshit where people "tweet", "retweet", send direct messages and all that other ridiculousness. I'm gonna give it a whirl, just to see how it goes. In a way, it's sort of like mini blogs of random thoughts I might have throughout the day that aren't necessarily worthy of a full blog entry.

Note: I did block it to random outsiders so if you want to follow me you have to have a twitter account.

http://twitter.com/andrewchanrules

To quote Benito Mussolini: If I advance, follow me! If I retreat, cut me down! If I die, avenge me!

I don't even know why I posted that quote. Basically, just fuckin follow me on Twitter and let's see what happens.

11 down, 22 more to go

Adriana Lima, from Victoria's Secret fame

I usually post right after a Sox win, but I was actually at the game last night. What a solid night it was. First, it was Japan night for some reason so there were a ton of Japanese people there. Second, the moment of silence in respect for the passing of Ted Kennedy was eerily quiet in Fenway. You could've heard a pin drop in there. Third, Tim Wakefield came back from the DL and pitched a gem. Too bad Ramon Ramirez fucked his win one batter into his outing (giving up a homerun to, of all people, Scott Podsednik). And finally, it was a solid night because Big Papi sent us all home with a walkoff bomb off of Tony Pena.

In actually, it didn't send me home. It sent me straight to the bars for tons of beers and shots. I got home near 1am and had no motivation to post anything so here is your entry right here. I am sort of banged up right now. Speaking of banged up, I can't believe this bitch married Marko Jaric. That's more ridiculous than Jermaine Dupri scoring Janet Jackson.

Women are great at driving

I just got home from work and on my way home, I noticed a bunch of Ambulances right outside of where I live. For most people, that means something bad probably happened. For me, not so much because I happen to live right next to New England Medical Center. So naturally I didn't think anything of it. That is, until I noticed a gigantic crowd of people surrounding a chick who was on the ground getting helped onto a stretcher. I then noticed a person in a SUV sobbing uncontrollably with her hands over her face. That, my friends, was the woman driver who decided to plow through the crosswalk when people were crossing and drill a pedestrian (read: chick on the ground).

The good thing for the victim was that A) she didn't seem to be injured that badly and B) the hospital was literally like 20 feet away so all they had to do was wheel her into the ER, which took about 20 seconds. The bad thing for the victim was that A) she just got hit by a fuckin car and might have a broken leg and B) I am blogging about it right now.

The good thing for the woman driver was that... well, there's really nothing good about it for her. She just hit a fuckin pedestrian in a crosswalk. What a dumb bitch. She was either late teens or early 20s, probably text messaging her boyfriend telling him how much she wanted to suck his dick or something stupid like that. The bad thing for the woman driver is that A) she's a woman driver and B) she's probably gonna get sued for this. Regardless, this chick is gonna be scarred for life. I hope she loses her license. Dumb broad. STOP crying and START paying attention.

Now I'm not saying that men don't suck at driving because a lot of guys are terrible. But most women just plain suck at driving. It's a fact. It's a statement in which I have no evidence to support, but that everyone will agree on. Oh wait, I have evidence. Look at the fuckin picture at the top of this post.

Message to woman drivers out there: Leave the driving to us men and we'll leave the cooking and cleaning to you. Thanks.

10 down, 23 more to go

The one and only, Jessica Alba

The Red Sox made it 2 in a row tonight by coming back to beat the White Sox once again. We had a 2-1 lead going into the 7th and gave up the tying run on a strike out-passed ball, then another run on a line drive that clipped off of Lowell's glove for a 3-2 deficit. We came back in the bottom of the 7th to tie the game on a V-Mart clutch single to bring in Nick Green. Then we got out of a major 8th inning jam (1st and 3rd, no outs) which provided us with a jolt that translated into a Jason Bay homer and 2 more runs in the bottom of the 8th. Papelbon wrapped up the save. Exciting game.

Note: Jacoby Ellsbury set the Red Sox team stolen base record by stealing his 55th base of the season in the first inning tonight. Congratulations to him. I'd like to see him steal 70 bases this season.

What a fuckin disaster

They better get this fixed.

Source - Yahoo! Sports: At the debut of the new Dallas Cowboys stadium last night, Tennessee Titans punter A.J. Trapasso kicked a ball that struck one of the gargantuan high-definition scoreboards that hang over the center of the field. Trapasso's punt sailed straight up and hit one of the two scoreboards that face the endzone. It deflected backward and was ruled in-play until Titans coach Jeff Fisher informed officials (who had been watching the players, not the ball) that the punt struck the scoreboard. By rule, the down was replayed.

This has got to be one of the dumbest decisions I've ever seen in my entire life. How do you not account for this? You mean to tell me that you spent $1.2 billion on this new stadium and failed to realize that punts MIGHT hit the jumbotron? The best thing about it is that Jerry Jones is blaming the punter:

When asked whether he thought the scoreboard should be raised higher, Jones snapped: "That's not the point. How high is high if somebody just wants to sit there and kick straight up? If you look at how you punt the football, unless you're trying to hit the scoreboard, you punt the ball to get downfield. You certainly want to get some hangtime, but you punt the ball to get downfield, and you sure don't punt the ball down the middle. You punt it off to the side."

Really? This is your explanation? According to the NFL's director of officiating:

the league will look into the problem this week. The concern is that a punter could intentionally try to hit the video screen in order to run out the clock at the end of a half. When a down is replayed, the clock doesn't reset.

Talk about a cluster fuck. I can't think of any other gigantic waste of money without proper forethought. Oh wait, yes I can!

There have only been 74,372,432 home runs hit here this year.

Yankee Stadium: The American League version of Coors Field!

I have to give credit to Jerry Jones though. At least he paid for his $1.2 billion debacle where as the Yankees decided to stiff all of the New York taxpayers by having them help pay for the stadium and then charging them over $2000 per seat.

Priceless!

9 down, 24 more to go

Chicago's own Christina Santiago

The Sox managed to take the first game of their series against the White Sox tonight by the score of 12-8. The bats continue to be hot, for the most part, and it looks like this new lineup is starting to pay dividends. So far, we are 2-2 on this 10 game homestand and we're going to have to go on a winning streak to have any chance of getting into the playoffs since our road record is pretty piss poor. Anything less than 7-3 on this homestand and we're in bad shape. That is, unless Texas and Tampa Bay both decide to shit the bed, but I don't see that happening.

Lester tomorrow night, followed by the return of Wakefield on Wednesday (I'm going to the game), and Tazawa on Thursday. If we can put together a string of quality starts, I like our chances. One game at a time though...

Is this guy desperate or just stupid?

Alright, here's the background story. This girl I know was really drunk one night (I think it was her birthday) at Wonderbar (or some other bar) and jokingly suggested to her guy friend that they make out, but it didn't happen. The next day, she didn't think anything of it since it was just drunken stupidness and she wasn't serious about it. Well apparently, the guy friend read a little more into it than he should've and proceeded to try and woo this girl every time they hung out from then on even though she is not interested in him and told him that she only suggested the make out session because she was completely hammered.

From then on, reports indicate that this guy friend would send the girl text messages while they were both at the bar saying something like "let's meet in the bathroom at 12:45" and so on and so forth. Girl refused. Guy friend kept offering to pick girl up whenever their group of friends was going out, as well as offer a ride home from the bar. The girl repeatedly refused but tried to laugh it off so that it wouldn't affect the friendship. Guy clearly didn't get the message. During one drunk night, guy friend decided to call the girl as he was driving home from the bar. She was already in bed trying to sleep. She made the mistake of picking up the phone. Once she picked up the phone, guy friend asked her out on a date. Girl said no multiple times, but guy friend kept nagging her, so girl agreed to go on the date with the clear warning that "this is not going to go anywhere".

Well when it came time for their "date", the girl dressed really casually and the guy got all dressed up and clean and shit. Apparently they went to dinner somewhere but I can't remember where. According to the girl, the date was really awkward because the guy was taking it seriously, whereas she went just to appease the guy. Reports indicate that the girl asked the guy what he was doing after dinner (since she assumed it was just a dinner date and nothing more) and he pulled the "we're going salsa dancing!" move on her, to which she absolutely rejected. It has also been discovered that he pulled the "let's go for a walk" move.

Let's be clear here. These two moves (salsa dancing, go for a walk) are spontaneous suggestions that sometimes can work if THE GIRL ACTUALLY IS INTERESTED IN YOU. When she isn't, they fail miserably. Lucky for my readers, we have the most recent online conversation between girl and guy. Please enjoy.

9:29 AM Guy: what's up for the weekend

Girl: philadelphia

Guy: nice

9:30 AM Girl: u

9:31 AM Guy: none yet

Girl: what

Guy: probably chill

Girl: u have no hot dates?

ridiculous

9:32 AM Guy: lol

i'm lazy

i could

9:33 AM Girl: puahahaha

who's ur target these days?

Guy: no target

9:34 AM Girl: ah icic

9:37 AM Guy: what about you

any hot dates

Girl: no

9:38 AM i'm traumatized

Guy: how come

9:40 AM Girl: dates are scary

---

9:54 AM Guy: you make them scary

just relax

have fun

59 minutes

10:54 AM Girl: ahahah

yeah

Guy: if a guy gives you a compliment...smile

10:55 AM body language is important

10:57 AM Girl: okay date guru

Guy: just trying to help

10:58 AM Girl: yeah i know

that date we went on was just a fail

11:00 AM Guy: ehh it was awkward for you

Girl: yeah

a lot.

Guy: i could tell

brb, meeting

45 minutes

11:46 AM Guy: so what was awkward about it

i was half joking half serious

wasnt sure which way to go

but you made it easy for me

11:49 AM Girl: wha?

half half of what?

Guy: i approached it half serious, half jokingly

our date

11:50 AM in other words, i was gonna play it by ear

Girl: haha

11:52 AM Guy: so how did u feel

we havent talked about it

11:53 AM Girl: hahaha

u want feedback

Guy: not exactly

i think i know u felt awkward

Girl: yeah

it was not fun

Guy: and u wanted the night to desperately end

Girl: yes

if we're being honest here

11:54 AM then hell yeah.

Guy: lol

hell date

Girl: yup

Guy: i have no regrets

11:55 AM Girl: good for you

Guy: i know

carpe diem

Girl: im sure there are plenty girls out there

11:56 AM who would love to go on a date with you

Guy: same for you

11:57 AM Girl: the girls do love me.

Guy: lol u know what i mean

11:59 AM we cool now though right

back to friends

Girl: haha

we were never friends

lol

yea we're fine

just don't smother me

12:00 PM Guy: i wont

it'll be like we never went on the date

12:01 PM Girl: haha

Some of my favorite lines from the girl:

In response to why she has no hot dates: i'm traumatized
Speaking about this attempt at a date: the date we went on was just a fail
Humorous sympathy: i'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who would love to go out on a date with you
Humorous sarcasm: we were never friends
Stiff warning: just don't smother me

Some of my favorite lines from the guy:

In response to why he has no hot dates: lol i'm lazy i could
Speaking about this attempt at a date: i approached it half serious, half jokingly. our date. in other words, i was gonna play it by ear
Dating advice: if a guy gives you a compliment...smile. body language is important
Admitting failure: i think i know u felt awkward, and u wanted the night to desperately end
False sense of pride: i have no regrets. carpe diem.
Cleaning up the mess: it'll be like we never went on the date


I don't even know where to go with one. I was thinking of doing a poll or just suggesting feedback or advice for this guy, but I can't make up my mind. So instead, I'm just posting this for enjoyment.

8 down, 25 more to go

Christina Milian

After getting pounded last night 20-11 by the Yanks, the Sox countered today with a 14-1 smashing of Burnett and the Yanks behind a solid pitching job by Junichi Tazawa and some timely hitting. So far, there have been 46 runs in the first 2 games of this series. Don't expect many more tomorrow as it will be a battle of Cy Young contenders: Josh Beckett vs. CC Sabathia.

Sunday night baseball baby!

Happy Birthday Usain Bolt

This guy is the fastest muthafucka ever. Yup, even faster than me!

100 meter world record



200 meter world record

7 down, 26 more to go

Vanessa Hudgens, from High School Musical

The Sox completed a 3 game sweep of the Blue Jays tonight. Jon Lester got into early trouble (bases loaded, no outs) in the first inning, but managed to come out of it allowing only 1 run. That was the only run he allowed all game as he went 8 strong and the Red Sox ended up winning 8-1. So we got the Yankees coming into town for the weekend. We're playing well, but so aren't they. Best case scenario, we win 2 out of 3. I think worst case, we lose 2 out of 3. Regardless, the Yanks pretty much got the division but as you can see from this countdown, we're aiming for Wild Card anyway. Bring on the Yankees. And someone tell Vanessa Hudgens to send me some of her naked pics!!!

6 down, 27 more to go

Hazel Mae, remember her???

Somehow Clay Buchholz out dueled Roy Halladay for a big win against Toronto tonight. David Ortiz and Jason Bay seem to have their power strokes back and Victor Martinez continues to be a solid pickup. We'll see if this lasts. In the meantime, enjoy the bitches!

By the way, the reason I chose Hazel Mae was because she used to be the hottest bitch on NESN until she left for the MLB network and because she also used to work for the Blue Jays before coming to Title Town.

5 down, 28 more to go

Halle Berry: I would do her in so many ways...

So the Sox managed to win a game they were desperately trying to lose. You got Cy Young candidate Josh Beckett pitching, you stake him to leads of 4-0, 6-2, and 7-3 and he manages to blow it all and allow 7 runs. Then we score 3 runs off of a Toronto error, then almost give the game right back to them. Jonathan "I only throw pitches right down the middle or walk people" Papelbon is getting pretty pathetic at this point. Everyone knows you are only pitching not to get hurt so you can cash in when you became a free agent. We didn't even deserve to win this game. However, we did deserve to see a picture of Halle Berry. At least there's a silver lining here.

Mom gets 99 years for chopping off son's hog

This bitch will chop your nuts off!

Here's a lesson to you crazy bitches out there. Don't get all drugged up and chop off someone's genitals or it's going to cost you 99 years in the slammer...

Nadal had claimed the family dog, a 6- to 7-pound dachshund named "Shorty" was responsible for mutilating her then-5-week-old son, Holden Gothia, as he slept in his parent's bedroom in March 2007 at their suburban Houston apartment.

But prosecutors said she was high on drugs when she mutilated her son with an unknown sharp instrument. Authorities say Nadal, who had prior drug arrests, tested positive for cocaine, methadone and Xanax after the attack.

Nice job lady. I hope someone takes a sharp instrument and carves you a second pussy while you're in jail.

Who would you rather shake hands with?

My buddy Frank and I went to grab lunch before our team softball yesterday at Panera Bread in Quincy. Naturally, I had to drop a deuce after I ate so I headed for the bathroom. While I was in the stall, Frank came in and we had a small conversation while he took a leak at the urinal. During this time, another gentleman came in, managed to take a leak and then left the bathroom without washing his hands. Frank made note of that, and then our discussion centered on how gross that was, with me mentioning how that happens all the time at my office. I then proceeded to recall a time when I was taking a leak at the urinal at work, noticed some guy come out of the shitter, and then walk right out of the bathroom without washing his hands.

I then tried to analyze which offense is worse:

• Taking a leak and leaving without washing your hands, OR
  
• Taking a dump and leaving without washing your hands

I then figured I'd throw it up for a vote on this blog, with the question being...

Who would you rather shake hands with?

• A guy who just took a leak without washing his hands
• A guy who just took a dump without washing his hands

Please keep in mind that both are pretty horrible. At first, I thought I'd rather shake the hand of the guy who took a leak, but if you think about it, he's touching his hog then shaking your hand. On the flip side, the guy taking the dump typically isn't directly touching his ass since there's a barrier between his hand and his ass (toilet paper). However, there is always the chance that the shit could be so messy that some of the crap could get on the guy's hands, or he could just be disgusting and wipe with his hands, but we're gonna rule that out here. We'll just say that the guy who took a dump had a clean wipe with toilet paper. I'm torn as to who I'd rather shake hands with, so please vote and let me know which is better. As usual, poll on the top right of the page.

4 down, 29 more to go

Brooke Burke, from Wild On! E fame

The Sox somehow found a way to win last night, getting a clutch game tying 2 run homer from David "dropped to 7th in the order" Ortiz and multiple clutch hits in a 6 run 9th inning (especially a huge 2-out hit from Victor Martinez who we should sign to an extension IMMEDIATELY). This was a huge win for us because:

1. it was against Texas who is fighting us in the Wild Card race
2. it was on the road and we suck on the road
   
3. we need to win every game Beckett and Lester pitch in order to get to the playoffs

Anyone see Clay Buchholz attempt to run the bases? That was the sorriest attempt at baserunning I've ever seen. A guy in a wheelchair had a better chance to score. Well anyway, that's 4 out of 5 for the Sox since I posted the playoff challenge. Let's see if we can keep up the pace.

I went to middle school with this asshole

3 down, 30 more to go

Mila Kunis, aka Meg from Family Guy and from That 70's Show

So that's 3 in a row for the Sox over the Tigers. Beckett continued his quest for the Cy Young this year by dominating the Tigers lineup tonight and saving the bullpen. Tomorrow is going to be a tough one though as we're going against another Cy Young candidate, Justin Verlander. Game time is at 1:35PM because we're traveling to Texas right after the game for a 3 game set.

2 down, 31 more to go

Eva Mendes is fucking hot.

That's 2 in a row for the Sox. This game consisted of the Sox going down 3-0, Youk getting into a brawl after getting hit by a pitch, the team rallying as a result with Jay Bay hitting the game tying 3 run bomb and Lowell going homerun crazy. This is what I'm talking about baby!

We needed something to spark our team. I think this brawl may be the catalyst just like in 2004 when Pedro tossed Zimmer. Here we gooooooooooooooo.

Correction: I posted this drunk last night so I "misremembered" history. Thanks for the correction JM. Pedro did not toss Zimmer in 2004. It was in 2003 and we eventually lost that series to the Yankees. Still, it was significant in that it signaled that this team isn't fucking around anymore. We lost that edge recently and hopefully we just got it back.

Who's the Bigger A-Hole?

Disclaimer: This is a horrible attempt at humor. You may be offended by this. Read at your own risk...

George Sodini, the anti-pussy magnet

In case you didn't know or weren't paying attention to the news, a guy walked into a LA Fitness gym the other week and killed a bunch of chicks, apparently because he had no luck with women. His name was George Sodini and here are excerpts of his blog, which basically chronicled his struggles with women and his plan to commit this massacre. Now, it's tough to argue that we could see this coming because there's no way we can tell how much traffic this blog was getting, but the writing is clearly on the wall if you read the blog posts. This guy was certifiably insane. Either that, or his luck with women is 100 times worse that Big Q's luck with his "lock of the day" picks. But the real question is whether he was just insane in general, or did he become insane because of the lack of pussy he was getting? Now that is up for debate.

Anyway, I need some participation on this one because this really brings up an interesting question: Who's the bigger A-Hole?

Is it George Sodini for committing mass murder since he couldn't get any pussy?

Or

Is it all of the women who didn't give him any pussy, therefore causing him to commit mass murder?

Please vote on the poll on the right hand column. I'm going to hell.

1 down, 32 more to go

As promised, here is a hot chick to celebrate the Sox win:

Emmanuelle Chriqui, AKA Sloan from Entourage

So the Sox finally ended their 6 game slide tonight by beating the Tigers in game 1 of a 4 game set at Fenway. This was a big win for us, not only because it stopped the losing streak, but because we did it against Edwin Jackson who was one of the hottest pitchers in the game. I'm going to celebrate by jacking off to the picture I just posted.

Good night!

I hate it when I'm right

So the Yankees completed a sweep of the Sox last night, just like I predicted. However, I didn't predict that we'd go a span of 31 innings (that's essentially 3.5 games) without scoring a run. I'd like to say that's a testament to Yankee pitching, but it really wasn't. Our offense was atrocious. We had plenty of opportunities to score but no one decided to do shit (3 for 38 with runners in scoring position). Yes there's cause for concern, but our offense will click eventually. We just need people to be healthy so we can have a consistent lineup where everyone knows their roles.

There's no need to worry about the Yankees anymore. The series is over and our chance at the division title is over. A-Rod continues to be "Mr. Regular Season" and I'm sure he'll revert back to "Miss October" when the time comes. Listen, getting swept wasn't a big surprise so if anyone is acting like it was, stop it. I already predicted it anyway. The Yankees were the hottest team in baseball coming in and we were in shambles. Or as the King of Horrible Quotes likes to put it:

“Listen, the Red Sox had our number,” Swisher said, “but we changed cell-phone providers.”

It's okay though. I mean, we can't get any worse, can we? Well, this home series vs. Detroit will tell a lot. If we can take 3 out of 4 then we'll be back on track. The way we've been playing lately makes it seem like 1 out of 4 will be an accomplishment, but whatever. I'm not backing down from my prediction. We're winning the wild card and heading back to the World Series. Stamped it.

Alright, so we have 52 games left and our current record is 62-48. As history has shown, 95 wins will get you into the playoffs, so we gotta go 33-19 the rest of the way. This means that we have to win 63% of our remaining games. Impossible? No. Hard to do? Yes.

Anything is possible.

We have 29 home games left (which means that we have 23 away games) and based on our current home winning percentage (67%), that means we should theoretically win roughly 20 games at home. That leaves us with 13 out of 23 road games that we'd have to win. Is it likely based on our current road winning percentage (46%)? Of course not. But is it feasible? Yes it is.

So in lieu of this challenge that the Red Sox have in front of them, I am bringing back the scene from the movie Major League with my own personal spin.


For every Red Sox win, I will post a picture of a hot chick. It's gonna start off with a hot chick who is fully clothed and the more wins we get, the more scandalous it will be. By the time we get to 33, it's gonna be completely ridiculous. I'm talking about hardcore porn with girls getting penetrated and things like that. Okay, I overexaggerated a little bit. I'm not trying to make this blog NSFW (not safe for work) so it will be kept as tasteful as possible.

I'm not posting nudity on the site itself (but keep in mind, there may be links to it if we get close to our goal). For the record, this isn't supposed to be degrading to women. It's a celebration of all future Red Sox victories and is aimed at the average reader of this site: horny, sports-loving males.


Let the party begin...

Can somebody please give John Smoltz some steroids?

This isn't even funny anymore. Either go on 'roids and resurrect your career like Roger Clemens or retire already. Your ERA is almost as ridiculous as Chien-Ming Wang's. C'mon dude, I could pitch better. Allowing Melky Cabrera to hit an upper decker off of you is like getting beat in miniature golf by a 5 year old girl. The funny thing is, that actually happened to one of my friends hahaha.

The ship is sinking!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're taking on water!!!!

Wow, the Rays are absolutely dominating us at this point. It's not even fair. Apparently, we are 2-14 in our last 16 games at the Trop. Horrible. For those of you who think that we're going to walk over the Yankees since we're 8-0 against them this season, please come back to reality. There's no way we're sweeping them. We'd be lucky to even split the series. Hell, I'm predicting that we get swept in the Bronx.

But with that said, the ship is not fucking sinking. We'll be fine. There's like 50+ games left and we're only back 2.5 games right now. Granted, it might be 6.5 games by Monday, but I'm okay with that. Maybe I'm spoiled, but I don't see how the Red Sox miss the playoffs this year. The Rays have been average at best (except against us) and the Yankees will falter in the first round of the playoffs as usual. I predict we win the wild card, beat the Angels in the ALDS (as usual) and then take down the Tigers on the way to the World Series.

On a side note: the over/under on number of homeruns over the next 4 days at Yankee Stadium is 150.

I know what game I'm watching tonight...

He was joking with Ryan Braun here. He won't be joking tonight.

Last night during the Dodgers/Brewers game, Manny Ramirez was hit by a pitch in the 7th inning of a 17-4 game (the Dodgers were leading 17-4). Naturally, the Dodgers decided to retaliate by hitting Prince Fielder with 2 outs in the 9th inning. Typically, that's par for the course. You hit my guy, I hit your guy, cooler heads prevail. Well apparently, that didn't happen last night as Prince Fielder essentially charged the Dodgers clubhouse after the game, but was restrained before actually getting in there to pound on Guillermo Mota (the pitcher who hit him).

From MSN.com: When the game ended, Fielder charged through the underground tunnels at Dodger Stadium to the door of the home clubhouse, shouting obscenities with many fellow Brewers trailing behind. Several security guards and teammates Bill Hall and Casey McGehee prevented Fielder from entering the locker room in search of Mota. "He ran over there, and they weren't going to let him in, and everybody came back," Milwaukee manager Ken Macha said. "I don't know if you can restrain Prince. I don't think I can. I don't think there's anybody else out there who can."

Fortunately, I have the MLB Extra Innings package so I will be watching this game tonight to see if someone gets decapitated.

2 U.S. journalists released from North Korea

From MSN. com - North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has pardoned two jailed American journalists and ordered their release following an unannounced meeting with former President Bill Clinton, media reports said Tuesday.

It looks like the meeting of the "sex addicts" was productive today, as Bill "I did not have sexual relations" Clinton was able to convince Kim "Long Dong" Jong Il to release the 2 U.S. journalists that were being held captive by the North. The reason why I referred to them as sex addicts was because Bill Clinton had the Monica Lewinsky scandal and Kim Jong Il apparently loves porn. What a match made in heaven...

Update: We are now changing his nickname to Bill "I did not have sexual relations, but I did have foreign relations" Clinton. Thanks.

So far, so good

I was pumped about this trade when it happened Friday but I was in Baltimore so I couldn't really blog about it. My recap of the trip to Baltimore will be posted later this week, so stay tuned for that. Anyway...

After acquiring Victor Martinez from the Indians on Friday before the trade deadline, he has only gone 6 for 11 with 2 runs and 5 RBIs in 2 games. I'm okay with that. A lot of people were hoping to get Roy Halladay or Adrian Gonzalez more than V-Mart and pretty much considered him an afterthought or a fall back trade option. I was in the "Victor Martinez is just as important, if not more important, than the other two guys" camp. So far, so good. Then again, it has only been two games.

But let's take a look at this from a more realistic perspective. Not only does V-Mart provide us with a huge offensive upgrade, but he provides it to us at a position that hasn't really produced shit for us for the past few years (read: V-Tek). Also, I love the fact that he can play both catcher and 1B so that just gives us that much more lineup flexibility. Based on his 162 game averages, V-Mart should be a 20 homer, 100 RBI guy for us. That is solid, especially if that production is coming from behind the plate.

On the defensive side, while it's true that Varitek is one of the best (if not THE best) signal callers in the game, it is clear that his time is coming to an end. I can't really speak to how well Victor Martinez's signal calling/game management skills are at this point, but he does boast a career .994 fielding percentage. Both V-Mart and V-Tek have thrown out a career 24% of would be base stealers, which I'm not sure is a very good percentage, but that stat is misleading anyway since it depends on your pitchers as well.

One other thing I'm really pumped about is the fact that V-Mart is from Venezuela and not the Dominican Republic (DR) because this means he only "possibly" has taken performance enhancing drugs (PEDs) versus being from the DR where it is almost guaranteed at this point.

In conclusion, I loved the trade when it happened, and I still love it now. However, it remains to be seen how this pans out. As far as V-Tek is concerned, he will always be the man and Red Sox Nation will forever be in debt for his service, but the clock is ticking and his time is almost up. I'm pretty sure he's aware of that. Victor Martinez, provided that we sign him to an extension, can provide us with 5 more years of solid production while Theo and his crew spends some time restocking the farm with catching prospects since that is clearly our biggest weakness. Solid trade.